Is This Real Life?

With SCL in his second week of class and me entering my third month of work, the speed of daily life is rapidly escalating. Only one night this week did I get home before 8:00, which happened to be the evening SCL had class until late. Most of the time I've been getting home closer to 9:00. It's exhausting for me to be out that late and frustrating to have little energy and time to give to our relationship when I do get home. We still haven't made it to the grocery store (minus a small trip SCL made yesterday). Life feels all out of whack at the moment, and we've got quite a weekend ahead of us: hosting a friend this evening, Rosh Hoshanah dinner tomorrow, and I've got a brunch on Sunday.

*yawn* I'm ready to go home, yo.

In some ways, this is how I like to be: busy, involved, and on the move. The other times I've been like this, though, I was single. If I got home at 10, ate some ice cream, and went straight to bed, it didn't bother anyone. But now it feels like I'm cheating myself, SCL, and our relationship when I get home too exhausted to really even talk.

I guess this is how real life is. I would love to be able to divvy up my time equally, but as a wise person told me a few years back, this is just ridiculous and impractical. I have to remember that just because this week was so crazy doesn't mean next week will be, much less "forever." There's an ebb and flow to being busy. Some weeks I can handle it better, others I can't. And I need to quit putting so much damn pressure on myself to do things perfectly or by the book. SCL isn't expecting me to be, so why should I expect it of myself?

Perfectionism, and thus the fear of screwing up, is the biggest oppressor. Time to get this monkey off my back.

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