Love Advice for Your Mom

And no, I'm not making a "your mom" joke, as hilarious as those can be. I'm talking about mi madre and our phone conversation today, which took quite the unexpected turn.

"I have to tell you my news. My high school boyfriend emailed me today," she said, with more than a little nervous excitement in her voice.

Not to get into my family history too much, but my parents had a horrible relationship and a long, drawn out divorce that left some nasty scars on all of us. My mom pretty much shut the door to any future relationships, and I can't say I blame her. She has every right to see the potential negatives outweighing the potential positives of dating in mid-life. But, I've always wondered if deep down she'd really like to have a significant other in her life in some way. I know she's been asked out several times, but never has she agreed. For the most part she's accepted her aloneness as ok, and even enjoyable most of the time.

But this old school flame definitely still has a piece of her heart. I know for a fact that she's googled him over the years and kept up with him from a distance, but she never worked up the nerve to contact him. So when she woke up to find an email from him in her inbox, she was excited. Even though she was trying to disguise it as shock to me, I knew better.

"I haven't written him back yet. What do you say in a situation like this?" she asked.

(Wait a second, is my mom asking me for love advice? I don't know how to handle this!)

"Well, what did he write to you?" I asked.

It sounded to me like a normal, "I'd like to get back in touch and see how life's treated you" kind of exchange. But then again, I can't imagine what it would be like to hear from someone I hadn't talked to in nearly 35 years. After high school my mom moved from Alabama to Virginia, and she completely lost touch with this guy.

"But he's single!" she said.

I didn't want to state the obvious: that this was a good thing. I think even the thought of someone being remotely interested in her freaks her out. I wish she'd get over herself and see how awesome she is and that any man would be thrilled to have someone like her in his life. Then again, when you live with someone for most of your adult life who makes you feel like garbage, it's probably hard to believe anyone would want you.

She's going to write him back. And there's part of me that secretly wishes a little romance for my mom. She's certainly earned it after busting her butt for my brothers and me, dealing with a lot of shit along the way. If nothing else, I hope it makes her feel good and reconnects her with a past that was happy.

13 comments:

  1. When we grow up, one of the things our parents want most for us is to just be happy. As we grow older, one of the things we want most for our parents is for them to just be happy. I really love that dynamic personally.

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  2. Awe mama, she should go for it!

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  3. @ The Divorced Guy--I think you are so right. I just wish I'd been able to pull my head out of my ass earlier in life, but I guess that's part of growing up.

    @Jes--I'm so with you! At the very least I hope they have some kind of cute email exchange. I have never heard her excited about a man before--it's kind of weird!

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  4. Well I for one think this is so exciting! At the very least they can catch up with each other. And at most... maybe your mom can find some happiness and realize she deserves it.

    I wish the best for both of them. And you better keep us updated!

    Did he say why he decided to contact her now?

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  5. Aww, this warmed my heart. I hope your mom can tiptoe out of the insulated regions of her heart to see what it feels like to reconnect, even if it never goes beyond a friendly conversation.

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  6. Aww that is exciting! Good for your mom- a little romance never hurt anybody. :)

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  7. Aww, I like this! (Also note: Everyone's comments start with "aww".)

    So what else did you tell her to do? Has she e-mailed back yet?

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  8. SUPER cute. Would love to hear an update eventually! :)

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  9. Please definitely update us on this story! What a sweet thing to read about.

    Its always so heartwarming to hear how things can really turn around for someone who had their heart broken so unexpectedly sometimes...i guess thats why they say it happens when your not looking.

    Go Mom!

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  10. Since I am your mom's age (I assume), and also divorced and have been out dating for a bit....it is ultra cute and exciting to hear that she is excited and perhaps just a bit "smitten" to hear that an old BF from HS looked her up!

    Yes, so true that everyone needs a little romance in their life. If her marriage was bad, and her ex (your dad) made her feel unworthy or unloved.....YES, she deserves this, and it is a wonderful feeling to know that someone values you, esp after so many years! That's what the internet has allowed a lot of us to do---reconnect with someone from the past, and maybe........well, let's hope it's just a lil infusion of self esteem for her. She's been a great mom for you and helped you thru so much, so maybe now it's her turn to have something wonderful and exciting to happen to her.

    Do keep us posted, and we are all rooting for her!!

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  11. Awww (just to keep up with the trend...) :)

    I love the role reversal, that she would come to you to share and slightly gush. I hope that whatever the outcome, it leaves your mother feeling happy and worthy.

    Lor

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  12. Awwwww, I love that your mom came to you for love advice. It's funny, I feel as though I've heard from several people that things never get easy, that they're always complicated, and that where matters of the heart are concerned, we all revert back to a time when we were plagued by our deepest insecurities. But as you said: this is a good sign. He's reached out, meaning he's interested in reconnecting with your mom. I hope you'll keep us posted; your mom sounds like a wonderful woman and I hope she recognizes how much she has to offer someone :)

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  13. How sweet that she kept up with him from a distance all these years. You will have to let us know what happens...

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