For those of you unfamiliar with the show (and I applaud you), David Tutera is the wedding planning knight in shining armor who comes in to rescue a wedding that's inevitably going to be a train wreck. At least that's how it's staged. Then he works his magic and creates a kick-ass day for the bride...but the groom? Not as much. Other than an initial handshake and the rote line of "whatever makes her happy," the groom isn't involved at all with the wedding planning. He isn't even asked if he's interested in giving input. It's just assumed the bride is the one calling the shots, because she's the only really invested in the day.
This is really problematic for me. And I'm finding it's much more ubiquitous than just on tv wedding shows.
Why is it assumed that the bride is only one who cares about the details of the day?
I'll give you an example of how I've encountered this. Carolina Man and I have been splitting up wedding planning tasks haphazardly--I'll call a DJ; he'll contact a photographer, etc. So far, the florist and the photographer we've chosen are ones I contacted. On every exchange we have, I include CM on the email chain, but each and every time, they only respond to me. And on one contract, only my name is listed.
This may be customary, but that doesn't make it good. Planning a wedding is a huge undertaking, and so far I've found it to be helpful in working through conflict, differences of opinion, and varying priorities. Sure, it'd be easier if on any given decision, one person backed out and let the other decide. But, what kind of precedent does that set for the future?
Carolina Man and I are in this together, and that means in all of the little things of life. Leaving each other out of our thinking and decisions is no way to build trust and partnership. So, wedding people, I ask you, please include the grooms. It's their day, too.