WeddingOMG: Living in a Bride-Centric World

When I was single, I gave up watching wedding shows in order to maintain my sanity. But, since getting engaged, I've gradually taken more interest DVRed every wedding show on TLC and WE and consumed most of them. Last week I was home with a cold and watched about eight episodes in a row of David's Tutera's My Fair Wedding.

For those of you unfamiliar with the show (and I applaud you), David Tutera is the wedding planning knight in shining armor who comes in to rescue a wedding that's inevitably going to be a train wreck. At least that's how it's  staged. Then he works his magic and creates a kick-ass day for the bride...but the groom? Not as much. Other than an initial handshake and the rote line of "whatever makes her happy," the groom isn't involved at all with the wedding planning. He isn't even asked if he's interested in giving input. It's just assumed the bride is the one calling the shots, because she's the only really invested in the day.

This is really problematic for me. And I'm finding it's much more ubiquitous than just on tv wedding shows.

Why is it assumed that the bride is only one who cares about the details of the day?

I'll give you an example of how I've encountered this. Carolina Man and I have been splitting up wedding planning tasks haphazardly--I'll call a DJ; he'll contact a photographer, etc. So far, the florist and the photographer we've chosen are ones I contacted. On every exchange we have, I include CM on the email chain, but each and every time, they only respond to me. And on one contract, only my name is listed.

This may be customary, but that doesn't make it good. Planning a wedding is a huge undertaking, and so far I've found it to be helpful in working through conflict, differences of opinion, and varying priorities. Sure, it'd be easier if on any given decision, one person backed out and let the other decide. But, what kind of precedent does that set for the future?

Carolina Man and I are in this together, and that means in all of the little things of life. Leaving each other out of our thinking and decisions is no way to build trust and partnership. So, wedding people, I ask you, please include the grooms. It's their day, too.

5 comments:

  1. I've never understood why the groom often isn't included; you're right, it's his day too. Unfortunately, I think that between brides that like to take over EVERYTHING and grooms that don't care enough society has set itself up for this sort of issue.

    Kudos to you and Carolina Man for being in the wedding planning together.

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  2. to be honest, more often than not, the groom just wants to start his life with his wife. he doesn't really give a damn or care as much as the bride

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    1. Doll, I have to push back on this. The wedding is the beginning of a new stage of your relationship--your marriage. Weddings are important rituals that involve community, family, and in some cases, faith. Men and women ought to care about how they enter that new stage.

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  3. My husband was very hands on & made a lot of the calls just because I don't really care to see prices or sign stuff! Otherwise there would have had been no wedding! I made it a point to make him feel included as much as possible. :)

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  4. Thank you for posting this! My fiance and I are in early wedding planning stages, and it aggravates me to no end when people assume that I'm the one calling all the shots. He found our lovely, awesome venue, and when I told people that, some said things like "well, that's the last decision he'll make." Even if it's said partly in jest, I resent the implication that we aren't in it together. And even if some weddings end up being planned mainly by the bride, I'm so happy that we're collaborating and working together on putting together the wedding we want-- just like we'll be doing to create the marriage we want to have.

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