(Not So) Free Fall-ing

Crisp leaves. Changing colors. Cooler temps. These things just don't appeal to me like they do to other people. I remember living in Connecticut and people raving about how great the foliage there was. Sure, there were about two weeks (if it didn't rain too much) of beautiful leaves.You know what happened after that? All the leaves fell off the trees, turned brown, and then it proceeded to be fucking freezing cold for the next six months.

Forgive my wretched mood. The beginning of September brings immense amounts of dread for this girl. It means weeks upon weeks of work travel, which unfailingly causes me to have a breakdown and to get sick. Every. Single. Year. I have done my very best to limit my travel, but there are a lot of trips I just can't avoid. The fall is when shit gets done, and I have to be there if I want to be part of the conversation, even if it's taking place in Colorado or Texas or New Jersey. Why everyone can't just move on down to North Carolina remains a mystery to me.

I fault my upbringing for this mostly. I lived in the same house from age 3 until I left for college. Since then I've practically moved every year, but I've never been good at having my routine interrupted. Also, my family didn't take many trips because we couldn't afford it. A vacation in our world was driving the hour and a half up to Beaufort, SC and staying in the Days Inn to watch my brother play in a soccer tournament. I did love the powdered donuts at the Shoney's breakfast buffet though. That was something at least. I realize that even those getaways were a luxury compared to most other people's lives, but they sure didn't adequately prepare me for a job of jet-setting.

I spent the weekend doing my best to get ready for this stretch of being gone. I did some shopping, stocked up on work essentials, paid my estimated taxes, took donations to Goodwill, and cleared out our junk drawer. I figured the more organized I feel now, the less anxious I will feel being away from home. In some ways, I think it had the opposite effect. I kept saying to myself, "This is the ONLY opportunity you have to do all of this shit!" It was motivating, but also anxiety-building. This morning I woke up with a knot in my stomach.

I know I can do this. I know it will be fine once I get going. The anticipation is always worse than the thing itself, right?


3 comments:

  1. I wish worrying made things better...but it never does. If anything, I think the anticipation/worry makes it all worse. So. The key to happiness is to stop worrying.

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    Yeah, right.

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  2. Aw lady... you and I are opposites. Fall in my FAVORITE. Maybe it's because it's going to be my birthday soon. Or maybe it's that I HATE being hot, so saying goodbye to summer makes me happy. I don't know but it just gets me all excited!

    Hopefully things go smoothly for you!

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  3. "All the leaves fell off the trees, turned brown, and then it proceeded to be fucking freezing..." Hahaha!! Exactly. I love fall for Halloween but that's about it. I can't look at the colored leaves without thinking "here comes winter."

    I'm like that too -- need to be organized. It reduces stress AND increases it because there's never enough time.

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