My thoughts on eHarmony

My subscription ends this weekend, and I have no interest in renewing it. I signed up in one of my panicky moments after SCL and I broke up, thinking I needed to take charge and get on the prowl, and while I almost choked on the price tag, I wasn't exactly in the clearest state of mind. So, I just went for it anyway.

God, I wish I could get that money back.

At first it was really exciting to get matches "delivered" everyday. I took a pro-active approach, religiously going through each profile and requesting communication with any of them I found remotely attractive. I did, however, rule out any profile with a picture that made me scream. My strategy was to keep the pool as big as possible with the thought that you never know whom you will have chemistry with.

This strategy, as it turns out, is flawed because eHarmony takes a LONG ASS time to get through guided communication with someone. There's a ton of back and forth before you even get to e-mail (although you can skip straight to it, but because the "norm" on the site is to go through guided communication, skipping it can feel like rushing). And, I felt like I needed at least some time to pass in between responding, so by the time you get past the inane "what's your idea of fun" and must-haves/can't stands and three questions, at least a week has passed.

I went out on a few eHarmony dates, none of which had a spark. None of which I even feel deserve a link back to them in this post.

In short, I should've listened to Katie's advice that it would be a waste of my time. And my money. Maybe I'm just not patient enough, but the whole process was exhausting to me. It would suck to go through guided communication and then not hear from someone again--and I know I did it to others as well. I know lots of people, at least according to the commercials they play on TLC, find their loves on the online, but they must be a) lucky or b) a helluva lot more patient than me.

10 comments:

  1. I had a couple of friends who actually found their husbands on eHarmony. But on the whole...it just sounds too structured for me. For a Type A person, that's saying something. ;)

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  2. I know when I was planning my wedding on The Knot there were a lot of brides that met their fiances online but a lot of them were Match, not eHarmony. Its been a long time since I did online dating but eHarmony sounds like A LOT of work to me. I don't think I'd be patient enough either

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  3. Yeah, Match sounds less stressful to me. I thought with eHarmony I'd at least find people who were in the same mindset as me, but unfortunately we just didn't click. Oh wells, you live and learn!

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  4. It's funny... I've tried Match.com and am now on OkCupid.com and have found that, while they both serve their purpose, they're just outlets where love connections CAN be made. I stopped stressing so much about whether I would meet THE ONE and just started going out with the intention of seeing where things go. I have met some really great guys and have gone on some wonderful dates... and I've even made a few friends. I can't say it was a total waste. I learned how to relax on a date, which is something I was incredibly nervous about going in.

    I have heard from a few people though that eHarmony can feel a bit more like searching for your soulmate, so while this is all well and good, both partners have to be in the right mindframe for it. Don't give up hope. As they say: it'll find you when you least expect it :)

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  5. I think - at least from the outside looking in - online dating has become just like offline dating. Sometimes the stars align and you can make it work, but it's basically a crap shoot.

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  6. It's just like any other dating site where the effort you put into it determines the results.

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  7. Haha, I met my boyfriend [of 1.5 years, w00t], on OkC shortly after I got out of an off-again-on-again toxic relationship (somewhat similar to yours with SCL, but obviously, not the same). I didn't go in expecting anything, and it turns out, the first guy I went on a date with was so awesome I couldn't not keep dating him.

    It was almost entirely luck. Although, I also had pretty good chemistry with the second guy I went on a date with (maybe Pittsburgh just has a good OkC dating pool). Like Charlotte says, these dating websites just offer opportunities where these connections CAN be made. But OkC also lacks all of the structure (and cost) of eHarmony, so all of the potential benefits without any of the drawbacks!

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  8. @ The Divorced Guy--So, you think it's an input/output thing? I know a lot of people who devote time and energy to online dating, but they don't necessarily find someone they click with. I think a lot of it's luck, as Sassy said.

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  9. I have done both online and offline dating. Only one online date ever amounted to a relationship (which lasted 2.5 years). However, it did still serve a great purpose because it gave me experience and confidence, so that it was easier to meet guys in more natural settings. It also helped me see what was out there and what I did and didn't want.

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  10. AMT--I think you are right; I think if nothing else it's good practice. I had trouble managing my expectations at first--if we clicked, I'd jump to "this is it!" But, it seems like I've gotten that out of my system and it's helping me with how I approach dating now. Just an expensive lesson to learn!

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