My subscription ends this weekend, and I have no interest in renewing it. I signed up in one of my panicky moments after SCL and I broke up, thinking I needed to take charge and get on the prowl, and while I almost choked on the price tag, I wasn't exactly in the clearest state of mind. So, I just went for it anyway.
God, I wish I could get that money back.
At first it was really exciting to get matches "delivered" everyday. I took a pro-active approach, religiously going through each profile and requesting communication with any of them I found remotely attractive. I did, however, rule out any profile with a picture that made me scream. My strategy was to keep the pool as big as possible with the thought that you never know whom you will have chemistry with.
This strategy, as it turns out, is flawed because eHarmony takes a LONG ASS time to get through guided communication with someone. There's a ton of back and forth before you even get to e-mail (although you can skip straight to it, but because the "norm" on the site is to go through guided communication, skipping it can feel like rushing). And, I felt like I needed at least some time to pass in between responding, so by the time you get past the inane "what's your idea of fun" and must-haves/can't stands and three questions, at least a week has passed.
I went out on a few eHarmony dates, none of which had a spark. None of which I even feel deserve a link back to them in this post.
In short, I should've listened to Katie's advice that it would be a waste of my time. And my money. Maybe I'm just not patient enough, but the whole process was exhausting to me. It would suck to go through guided communication and then not hear from someone again--and I know I did it to others as well. I know lots of people, at least according to the commercials they play on TLC, find their loves on the online, but they must be a) lucky or b) a helluva lot more patient than me.
Showing posts with label Online Dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Online Dating. Show all posts
Um...I Have a Date?
Just today I was standing in line, waiting for my badge to enter the United Nations for the Commission on the Status of Women, when I thought to myself the most shallow thing ever, which was: "I am never going to meet a man through my work." As it turns out, most dudes aren't that interested in working for women-specific causes. Most of the time, I don't mind that; in fact, it can be pretty awesome to be in a room full of passionate, powerful women. The energy is something like none other. But when it comes to scoping out the men folk, it's not so good for that.
After enjoying my latest takeout meal and lounging in pajamas, I was reading through my conference booklet (aka playing Snood on my laptop) when I get a text. A text from Mr. Tennis Pro. Don't remember him? Well, I actually never wrote about him. He contacted me via eHarm back in October when I was in the middle of my cross-country tour. This guy was persistent and patient, and after a few phone calls, I totally blew him off. I was just getting to the point where I couldn't stand dating anymore, and I had to say to him (and one or two others) that I was sorry, but I just couldn't do the dating thing right now. He responded with a frowny face and to let him know if I changed my mind.
I figured this would be a total turn-off for the guys I turned down. Apparently not for Mr. Tennis Pro (who is not only a tennis pro; he is also a business analyst, but tennis pro is more fun to say.) When I said I was surprised to hear from him, he said he'd found me intriguing. Then he asked when I'd be back and promptly asked me out for dinner and drinks the day after--and that he'd call me the day before to work out the details.
Persistent. Apparently doesn't hold a grudge. Bold. I can work with that.
So, apparently I have a date on Saturday night.
After enjoying my latest takeout meal and lounging in pajamas, I was reading through my conference booklet (aka playing Snood on my laptop) when I get a text. A text from Mr. Tennis Pro. Don't remember him? Well, I actually never wrote about him. He contacted me via eHarm back in October when I was in the middle of my cross-country tour. This guy was persistent and patient, and after a few phone calls, I totally blew him off. I was just getting to the point where I couldn't stand dating anymore, and I had to say to him (and one or two others) that I was sorry, but I just couldn't do the dating thing right now. He responded with a frowny face and to let him know if I changed my mind.
I figured this would be a total turn-off for the guys I turned down. Apparently not for Mr. Tennis Pro (who is not only a tennis pro; he is also a business analyst, but tennis pro is more fun to say.) When I said I was surprised to hear from him, he said he'd found me intriguing. Then he asked when I'd be back and promptly asked me out for dinner and drinks the day after--and that he'd call me the day before to work out the details.
Persistent. Apparently doesn't hold a grudge. Bold. I can work with that.
So, apparently I have a date on Saturday night.
One More "WTF" for Dr. N
A few days ago I disabled my OkCupid account, but not before checking out Dr. N's profile one last time.
RED FLAG. He changed his age from 30, to 28! Say what?!
I don't know what his deal is, but I think there's something else going on with this dude.
Off to enjoy a dateless (by choice) evening!
We're Halfway There
My cross-country adventure is about half-way done--well, half-way to being back to DC for 48 hours before leaving again. But, the thought of two nights in my own bed is intoxicating. This is the most fun one I've slept in since leaving DC at the Hotel Monaco in downtown Denver.
I got great news yesterday that our funder for the project I direct has given us an additional year of funding, so I will be gainfully employed at least through December 2011!
In between speaking engagements, I've been spending a lot of time responding to matches online. I'm realizing that I can't put all of my hope in Dr. Nutrition who has continued to be quite silent since I left. I've decided that I won't worry about it until I get back to DC and things are "normal" again. We have a tentative date planned for next Tuesday, but I'm not counting on it.
I'll check in again soon!
It's a Beautiful Morning
Hi dearies! Writing from Sheridan, Wyoming--not exactly a place I ever thought I'd visit, but it's so beautiful here. The weather is perfect, the leaves are turning, and the people could not be more lovely. Here's the view from my hotel room.
And this beautiful park we found off of Main Street....
And my new lovely Kenyan friend is the best travel companion a girl could ask for, despite all the weirdness that is the US of A. I'm seeing the country through completely new eyes.
The best part? I'm almost completely occupied with work and hosting my friend that I have very, very little time to act like a crazy person about Dr. Nutrition. We touched base Thursday night, but I've been super busy since then. I've even regained a new sense of enthusiasm for online dating and may have a few dates lined up for the week when I return.
Needless to say, this trip has been exactly what I've needed. Tomorrow we are off to Denver. More pics to come!
And this beautiful park we found off of Main Street....
And my new lovely Kenyan friend is the best travel companion a girl could ask for, despite all the weirdness that is the US of A. I'm seeing the country through completely new eyes.
The best part? I'm almost completely occupied with work and hosting my friend that I have very, very little time to act like a crazy person about Dr. Nutrition. We touched base Thursday night, but I've been super busy since then. I've even regained a new sense of enthusiasm for online dating and may have a few dates lined up for the week when I return.
Needless to say, this trip has been exactly what I've needed. Tomorrow we are off to Denver. More pics to come!
Life (after SCL) Goes On
After Dr. Scientist (not to be confused with Dr. Nutrition) canceled our Saturday night date due to a cold, I found myself dateless for the weekend--and I was so relieved. It's given me a chance to do some much needed catching up with friends and catching up on sleep. I spent 9/11 doing a service project and resting. I feel rejuvenated and ready for another week of this dating stuff, not to mention, you know, the actual work I do. I'm in the middle of planning a three-week trip in October. (Anyone want to guest post? Shoot me an email)
Currently I have no dates to report on, but I wanted to answer a question that commenter extraordinaire Felisha asked on Thursday's post. She asks:
Third, I got the hell out of DC for a week. While I was gone, my mom told me with tough love that I needed to get myself out there again. At first that pissed me off, but she was right. I needed to pull myself out of the hole of misery (once I'd spent adequate time there) and start enjoying life again. I started working out hard, getting to know my roommates, writing articles for work, going out with friends, singing lots of karaoke, and drinking many beers. And, then I started telling my friends I wanted to be set up. I started responding to men online that I thought sounded fun and I started going out on dates. Fortunately I've been spared the online dating horror stories thus far. The worst I've gotten was Mr. Religion Teacher, who was not weird; just too serious.
The result of all of this is a complete shift in the way I think about my relationship with SCL and how I really felt. I went back and read every single journal (not blog) entry from the year we lived together, and I read how unhappy, unsettled, disappointed, undesirable, and unfulfilled I felt about 95% of the time because I never felt secure in the relationship. With good reason, it turns out. He was still obsessed with another girl and I found out that he'd also made out with a girl just a few weeks after we got back together this spring. A real charmer, that one.
So, do I think about SCL? Yes. There's part of me that misses him a little. I wonder how he's doing at school mostly. I hope that he's getting himself out there again and having some fun. I sometimes wish I could call him to ask if I can borrow our cheese grater (it's an amazing cheese grater.) But, I don't cry about it anymore. I don't wish that things had turned out differently. In fact, I almost feel grateful that he didn't give me the option of staying with him because I would never be having these experiences I'm having now. I feel thankful for the fun that we did have, but I realize it would never have worked long-term because I was not myself when I was with him. The relationship was comfortable, safe, secure, but not fulfilling. And it was stifling me. I had an idea that if we got engaged, I'd finally feel secure in the relationship. Now I see how fucked up that is.
I'm still healing, learning, and figuring out how to move forward. I have no idea if I'm doing it "right" but I know that I feel better each and every day.
Currently I have no dates to report on, but I wanted to answer a question that commenter extraordinaire Felisha asked on Thursday's post. She asks:
Do you even think of SCL anymore?It's been just over seven weeks since we parted for good, and I can honestly say that I have experienced a tremendous amount of healing so far. I think a number of factors have contributed to this. First, this wasn't the first time I'd been through this with him, and I was not in the same place that I was in April. Second, I let myself feel exactly what I felt whenever I felt it. One of the beautiful things about working from home is you can cry in the middle of the day and no one knows. For about three weeks, I cried and sobbed and wrote pitiful things in my journal, and I tried not to hate on myself for being so emotional.That was a wonderful gift, even though it sucked going through it. The truth is, there are only so many tears a person can cry, and I cried them all.
Third, I got the hell out of DC for a week. While I was gone, my mom told me with tough love that I needed to get myself out there again. At first that pissed me off, but she was right. I needed to pull myself out of the hole of misery (once I'd spent adequate time there) and start enjoying life again. I started working out hard, getting to know my roommates, writing articles for work, going out with friends, singing lots of karaoke, and drinking many beers. And, then I started telling my friends I wanted to be set up. I started responding to men online that I thought sounded fun and I started going out on dates. Fortunately I've been spared the online dating horror stories thus far. The worst I've gotten was Mr. Religion Teacher, who was not weird; just too serious.
The result of all of this is a complete shift in the way I think about my relationship with SCL and how I really felt. I went back and read every single journal (not blog) entry from the year we lived together, and I read how unhappy, unsettled, disappointed, undesirable, and unfulfilled I felt about 95% of the time because I never felt secure in the relationship. With good reason, it turns out. He was still obsessed with another girl and I found out that he'd also made out with a girl just a few weeks after we got back together this spring. A real charmer, that one.
So, do I think about SCL? Yes. There's part of me that misses him a little. I wonder how he's doing at school mostly. I hope that he's getting himself out there again and having some fun. I sometimes wish I could call him to ask if I can borrow our cheese grater (it's an amazing cheese grater.) But, I don't cry about it anymore. I don't wish that things had turned out differently. In fact, I almost feel grateful that he didn't give me the option of staying with him because I would never be having these experiences I'm having now. I feel thankful for the fun that we did have, but I realize it would never have worked long-term because I was not myself when I was with him. The relationship was comfortable, safe, secure, but not fulfilling. And it was stifling me. I had an idea that if we got engaged, I'd finally feel secure in the relationship. Now I see how fucked up that is.
I'm still healing, learning, and figuring out how to move forward. I have no idea if I'm doing it "right" but I know that I feel better each and every day.
You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile.
Dudes, this dating stuff is tiring. I realize how ridiculous it is when I'm talking to my friends and they can never keep any of the guys' names straight. In fact, I may resort to using their blog nicknames in real life as well. It's much easier, especially since some of their names sound similar. Or at least they aren't distinct enough to stick in anyone else's brain (including mine.)
Dating is a steep learning curve. It only took a few first dates to get the hang of it, and now I feel like I've got it down. I'm a little too overly-confident before some of my dates, and at the last second I have to quickly scan the emails/online dating profiles we've exchanged so I can A) remember their first name B) get their cell numbers C) have something to talk about when we get there.
Mr. Religion Teacher and I had been talking for a few weeks, and we finally met up yesterday--at a MeetUp no less. We had a drink together beforehand, but I ended up being really thankful for the group setting of the MeetUp. First, let me say that Mr. Religion Teacher was HOT. Buff, beautiful face...except he NEVER smiled. NOT ONCE! Forget about laughing, he never cracked even a slight smile the entire time. I tried to keep it light-hearted, and he wasn't taking the bait.
Boo. Why are people so serious? It was really bad when we were walking back to the Metro and he commented on how the facilitator of the MeetUp group should have implemented a "quiet sign" to get the groups to shut up. Like, remember in Girl Scouts or first grade or something when the teacher would put up his/her hand and all of the students followed? Yes, Mr. Religion Teacher was suggesting this for grown-ups. What. A. Killjoy.
Needless to say, I was thankful my wait for the Yellow line was only two minutes. I was ready to high tail it out of there. He, however, seemed to think the date had gone well. So, who knows...maybe he'd lighten up on a second date? If he calls, I might go out with him again.
Update on Mr. Navy: I broke down and texted him this afternoon. In Italian. And we are currently flirting via text. All I want to say is, "ASK ME OUT ALREADY!" Too strong?
Second Update on Mr. Navy: He just asked me out, and I am doing the happy dance!
Dating is a steep learning curve. It only took a few first dates to get the hang of it, and now I feel like I've got it down. I'm a little too overly-confident before some of my dates, and at the last second I have to quickly scan the emails/online dating profiles we've exchanged so I can A) remember their first name B) get their cell numbers C) have something to talk about when we get there.
Mr. Religion Teacher and I had been talking for a few weeks, and we finally met up yesterday--at a MeetUp no less. We had a drink together beforehand, but I ended up being really thankful for the group setting of the MeetUp. First, let me say that Mr. Religion Teacher was HOT. Buff, beautiful face...except he NEVER smiled. NOT ONCE! Forget about laughing, he never cracked even a slight smile the entire time. I tried to keep it light-hearted, and he wasn't taking the bait.
Boo. Why are people so serious? It was really bad when we were walking back to the Metro and he commented on how the facilitator of the MeetUp group should have implemented a "quiet sign" to get the groups to shut up. Like, remember in Girl Scouts or first grade or something when the teacher would put up his/her hand and all of the students followed? Yes, Mr. Religion Teacher was suggesting this for grown-ups. What. A. Killjoy.
Needless to say, I was thankful my wait for the Yellow line was only two minutes. I was ready to high tail it out of there. He, however, seemed to think the date had gone well. So, who knows...maybe he'd lighten up on a second date? If he calls, I might go out with him again.
Update on Mr. Navy: I broke down and texted him this afternoon. In Italian. And we are currently flirting via text. All I want to say is, "ASK ME OUT ALREADY!" Too strong?
Second Update on Mr. Navy: He just asked me out, and I am doing the happy dance!
How Can I Keep from Swooning?
Happy (almost) Labor Day weekend, everyone! I'm giving Earl the finger and heading to Delaware (who knew they have beaches?) with friends. Probably will be drinking and carousing too much to blog, but you never know. Hope you all have fun things planned!
Before I go, I had to share my morning moment of swoon. Dr. Nutrition and I made plans for dinner on Thursday this coming week (a night that I had already sort of promised to another date and then had to back out of...oops). I was already excited about that, but then this morning I get an email from him saying, "Hey, remember when I mentioned that my neighbor ushers at the Kennedy Center? She offered me tickets for a performance this Thursday, so instead of meeting just for dinner, how about dinner and a show?"
*SWOON*
This guy is good. What kind of crazy connection is this! Not only does his neighbor get free tickets, but she is willing to give them away to this guy. Wow. I am impressed.
Before I go, I had to share my morning moment of swoon. Dr. Nutrition and I made plans for dinner on Thursday this coming week (a night that I had already sort of promised to another date and then had to back out of...oops). I was already excited about that, but then this morning I get an email from him saying, "Hey, remember when I mentioned that my neighbor ushers at the Kennedy Center? She offered me tickets for a performance this Thursday, so instead of meeting just for dinner, how about dinner and a show?"
*SWOON*
This guy is good. What kind of crazy connection is this! Not only does his neighbor get free tickets, but she is willing to give them away to this guy. Wow. I am impressed.
Enjoying the Awkwardness...Er, Newness
There's no getting around the initial awkwardness of a first date with a person you've never met before. No matter how much "e-chemistry" you might think you have with an online match, it may or may not be there when you meet in person. Yesterday I had a date with Mr. Civics Teacher, who had made me laugh like a maniac on e-mail and even on the phone. But in person, there was really nothing there. Thankfully we were able to cut it short, using my truly sore throat as an excuse to head home before it got dark.
All of this sitting in awkwardness (and with Dr. Nutrition at least, feeling some butterflies and giddiness, too) has got me thinking a lot about the comfort I had with SCL. Sometimes I think I want him back--but what I really want is familiarity. With familiarity, there's less vulnerability, less fear, and less unknown. There is less risk involved. I think in my mini-freak-out on Monday, that's what was going on. I didn't know this man next to me. What is lurking under his positive exterior? What secrets is he keeping? What will the process of getting to know him be like?
The truth is yes, SCL and I did have familiarity. We did know one another. But, oh yeah, I was miserable. And that familiarity had nothing to do with him in particular. It had to do with the time we'd spent together, memories we made, life lived over time. I can and will have that again with someone else.
When I let myself feel what I'm feeling, I realize that despite the unknown, I want to keep doing this--keep meeting new people, have some so-so dates, have some potentially awesome ones, but regardless, I want to keep putting myself out there. It is risky and scary, but I also have already met some great people--and Dr. Nutrition and I are scheduling our third date! I'm glad I don't have the option of staying in that miserable familiarity. I'm glad that I've found the strength to put myself out there, to give myself another chance to connect with another person.
A little awkwardness never killed anyone, right?
All of this sitting in awkwardness (and with Dr. Nutrition at least, feeling some butterflies and giddiness, too) has got me thinking a lot about the comfort I had with SCL. Sometimes I think I want him back--but what I really want is familiarity. With familiarity, there's less vulnerability, less fear, and less unknown. There is less risk involved. I think in my mini-freak-out on Monday, that's what was going on. I didn't know this man next to me. What is lurking under his positive exterior? What secrets is he keeping? What will the process of getting to know him be like?
The truth is yes, SCL and I did have familiarity. We did know one another. But, oh yeah, I was miserable. And that familiarity had nothing to do with him in particular. It had to do with the time we'd spent together, memories we made, life lived over time. I can and will have that again with someone else.
When I let myself feel what I'm feeling, I realize that despite the unknown, I want to keep doing this--keep meeting new people, have some so-so dates, have some potentially awesome ones, but regardless, I want to keep putting myself out there. It is risky and scary, but I also have already met some great people--and Dr. Nutrition and I are scheduling our third date! I'm glad I don't have the option of staying in that miserable familiarity. I'm glad that I've found the strength to put myself out there, to give myself another chance to connect with another person.
A little awkwardness never killed anyone, right?
Sunset at the Kennedy Center: Second Date with Dr. Nutrition
Last night was my second date with Dr. Nutrition. He sent me an e-mail last Friday (just under 24 hours after our first date) asking if I'd like to go to the Kennedy Center or Jazz in the Garden...or both. Two date options! I was impressed. But with my busy social calendar and my plans to go out of town for Labor Day, yesterday was the only night that worked for me.
There are so many awesome things to do in DC that are free--and I don't mean just museums. Every day the Kennedy Center has a free concert that's open to the public. Dr. Nutrition had been there a few times before, and apparently they bring in pretty big names. If you're in DC (or visiting), check it out!
The concert itself was pretty great. The only thing about it was it was difficult to talk during it, and kind of like seeing a movie with a date, there's a lot of sitting there next to each other not interacting. We exchanged a couple of funny observations, like how the lead singer was playing a guitar but we couldn't hear the sound and how the keyboardist would oddly interject a few lyrics at random times. The sitting next to each other but not talking proved to be not a good thing for this reason: I started to panic. Thoughts of "WTF am I doing?" and memories of SCL were swarming in my head--everything from, "I feel so uncomfortable being with a new guy" to "The last time I came to the Kennedy Center was with SCL" and "Oh god, I'm going to vomit." I don't know what came over me, but I was feeling anxious and was thinking of excuses to bolt.
But, I'm trying to remember that thoughts usually pass--just like emotions come and go, the things in our head come and go. Rather than believing every little thing I think, I try to acknowledge the thought and then drop it. By the end of the concert, I felt much calmer and more open to spending time with my date.
We ended up spending three hours on the rooftop terrace of the Center, which has a fantastic view of Georgetown. It was really quite beautiful, especially as the sun went down. Unlike the last date, this time I felt like we were in more of a dialog, and I felt more and more comfortable with him. I can't get over how self-aware and positive he is--it's such a change to talk with someone who knows what he wants and is excited about the journey. And it doesn't hurt that he's also really, really cute.
We talked about online dating--and how it's difficult on the one hand to say, "Love will happen when it happens" and being intentional about kind of looking for it. Ultimately it's about expectations--being open but not insistent that things must go a certain way. For someone like me, who tends to fall fast and hard, it's a good thing for me to be slowing down and not jumping to conclusions.
But, I think what really got me and made me swoon a little bit was when we were talking about how we choose whom to contact on dating sites. He said, "The pictures are really important to me. Most people talk about the importance of a person's smile. But I look at the eyes. I look for light, for exuberance. People can fake a smile, but the eyes reveal something deeper." *swoon*
We kissed not long after that. My first thought was, "This is nice, but different from kissing SCL. It feels sort of weird." Seeing as how I haven't kissed anyone else in two years, I guess that's probably not an abnormal thought. But despite the initial weirdness, there was a great energy between us.
At that point it was 10 PM and we both had to head home. It wasn't until I got on my Metro car that I realized we never ate dinner! I guess that's what good conversation can do to a person. I think it's safe to say a third day is on the horizon, and I'm really looking forward to it.
There are so many awesome things to do in DC that are free--and I don't mean just museums. Every day the Kennedy Center has a free concert that's open to the public. Dr. Nutrition had been there a few times before, and apparently they bring in pretty big names. If you're in DC (or visiting), check it out!
The concert itself was pretty great. The only thing about it was it was difficult to talk during it, and kind of like seeing a movie with a date, there's a lot of sitting there next to each other not interacting. We exchanged a couple of funny observations, like how the lead singer was playing a guitar but we couldn't hear the sound and how the keyboardist would oddly interject a few lyrics at random times. The sitting next to each other but not talking proved to be not a good thing for this reason: I started to panic. Thoughts of "WTF am I doing?" and memories of SCL were swarming in my head--everything from, "I feel so uncomfortable being with a new guy" to "The last time I came to the Kennedy Center was with SCL" and "Oh god, I'm going to vomit." I don't know what came over me, but I was feeling anxious and was thinking of excuses to bolt.
But, I'm trying to remember that thoughts usually pass--just like emotions come and go, the things in our head come and go. Rather than believing every little thing I think, I try to acknowledge the thought and then drop it. By the end of the concert, I felt much calmer and more open to spending time with my date.
We ended up spending three hours on the rooftop terrace of the Center, which has a fantastic view of Georgetown. It was really quite beautiful, especially as the sun went down. Unlike the last date, this time I felt like we were in more of a dialog, and I felt more and more comfortable with him. I can't get over how self-aware and positive he is--it's such a change to talk with someone who knows what he wants and is excited about the journey. And it doesn't hurt that he's also really, really cute.
We talked about online dating--and how it's difficult on the one hand to say, "Love will happen when it happens" and being intentional about kind of looking for it. Ultimately it's about expectations--being open but not insistent that things must go a certain way. For someone like me, who tends to fall fast and hard, it's a good thing for me to be slowing down and not jumping to conclusions.
But, I think what really got me and made me swoon a little bit was when we were talking about how we choose whom to contact on dating sites. He said, "The pictures are really important to me. Most people talk about the importance of a person's smile. But I look at the eyes. I look for light, for exuberance. People can fake a smile, but the eyes reveal something deeper." *swoon*
We kissed not long after that. My first thought was, "This is nice, but different from kissing SCL. It feels sort of weird." Seeing as how I haven't kissed anyone else in two years, I guess that's probably not an abnormal thought. But despite the initial weirdness, there was a great energy between us.
At that point it was 10 PM and we both had to head home. It wasn't until I got on my Metro car that I realized we never ate dinner! I guess that's what good conversation can do to a person. I think it's safe to say a third day is on the horizon, and I'm really looking forward to it.
Let Me Take a Swing at That
I held my first golf club when I was 6. It was an antique wooden club that had belonged to my grandmother, and I carried it with pride to my first golf lesson. Golf was pretty much an expectation in my family--my grandparents had taught both of my brothers how to play, and just because I was a girl didn't mean I was off the hook. I took golf lessons for three summers and even won a tournament. But once adolescence kicked in and I became preoccupied with attempting to be cool, golf fell off the radar screen. Until yesterday.
Mr. Graphic Designer contacted me via OkCupid, responding to the part of my profile that refers to how I like nerds (I've since edited that section) and how he could kick my ass at Scrabble. "You probably could because I've never played Scrabble," I responded. I know, what kind of person hasn't played Scrabble? This kind of person. Growing up with athletic brothers I was always playing sports, not board or card games. But, Mr. Graphic Designer also had an affinity for golf, and when I told him that I actually like watching golf on TV (I attribute this to being subjected to countless hours of golf broadcasts on our single TV), he could barely contain himself.
He invited me out for drinks, but I said, "Hey, let's go to the driving range." Again, an awesome response--and one I really was genuine about. I'd rather go do something for a first date anyway. We made plans to meet at the East Potomac Park driving range. He'd let me borrow his clubs--a very kind gesture seeing as how freaking expensive golf clubs are and I haven't played in 15+ years.
So, as I was getting ready for my golf date, I was actually talking to another guy (Dr. Scientist, not to be confused with Dr. Nutrition) and awkwardly trying to pretend like this date was with a friend. "What are you going to wear to play?" he asked. I said, "Um...I dunno, some khakis and a collared shirt?" He said, "You're going to be drenched in about five minutes." And he was just about right--except that it really only took two minutes before I had sweat through my clothes. Damn this return of 90+ degree weather.
Backing up, Mr. Graphic Designer--a really nice guy, definitely nerdy, not really my type. I knew it pretty much right away, and thus I felt not even a slight sense of nervousness about the whole date. In my limited experience, a good date comes with at least a few nerves because there's some excitement about where it might go. Sadly, there were no such feelings about this one, but I was still pumped to play.
As far as the golf goes, it's sort of like riding a bike, but I am definitely out of practice. I was splicing,, hooking, and whiffing more often than I'd like to admit. But just about every fifth swing (usually when Mr. Graphic Designer wasn't looking, of course) I nailed it--and my ball would sail into the air. It's an awesome feeling when you do something like that right. The other times, it's frustrating as hell. Mr. Graphic Designer did try to give me a few pointers, and I let him since it seems like guys like to do that. A few of his tips actually worked.
Even though it was in the middle of the afternoon, we ended up going out to lunch afterward...and that's when things got a little awkward. We sort of ran out of things to talk about once the food came, but we both toughed it out. He drove me back to my car and invited me up to his apartment to, uh, "look at his art." I said, "Um, actually...I should probably...um...go." He seemed a little disappointed, but understood.
We hugged good-bye and I said something like, "Let's hit the driving range again." But I have a feeling that might be the last time he lets me use his clubs.
Mr. Graphic Designer contacted me via OkCupid, responding to the part of my profile that refers to how I like nerds (I've since edited that section) and how he could kick my ass at Scrabble. "You probably could because I've never played Scrabble," I responded. I know, what kind of person hasn't played Scrabble? This kind of person. Growing up with athletic brothers I was always playing sports, not board or card games. But, Mr. Graphic Designer also had an affinity for golf, and when I told him that I actually like watching golf on TV (I attribute this to being subjected to countless hours of golf broadcasts on our single TV), he could barely contain himself.
He invited me out for drinks, but I said, "Hey, let's go to the driving range." Again, an awesome response--and one I really was genuine about. I'd rather go do something for a first date anyway. We made plans to meet at the East Potomac Park driving range. He'd let me borrow his clubs--a very kind gesture seeing as how freaking expensive golf clubs are and I haven't played in 15+ years.
So, as I was getting ready for my golf date, I was actually talking to another guy (Dr. Scientist, not to be confused with Dr. Nutrition) and awkwardly trying to pretend like this date was with a friend. "What are you going to wear to play?" he asked. I said, "Um...I dunno, some khakis and a collared shirt?" He said, "You're going to be drenched in about five minutes." And he was just about right--except that it really only took two minutes before I had sweat through my clothes. Damn this return of 90+ degree weather.
Backing up, Mr. Graphic Designer--a really nice guy, definitely nerdy, not really my type. I knew it pretty much right away, and thus I felt not even a slight sense of nervousness about the whole date. In my limited experience, a good date comes with at least a few nerves because there's some excitement about where it might go. Sadly, there were no such feelings about this one, but I was still pumped to play.
As far as the golf goes, it's sort of like riding a bike, but I am definitely out of practice. I was splicing,, hooking, and whiffing more often than I'd like to admit. But just about every fifth swing (usually when Mr. Graphic Designer wasn't looking, of course) I nailed it--and my ball would sail into the air. It's an awesome feeling when you do something like that right. The other times, it's frustrating as hell. Mr. Graphic Designer did try to give me a few pointers, and I let him since it seems like guys like to do that. A few of his tips actually worked.
Even though it was in the middle of the afternoon, we ended up going out to lunch afterward...and that's when things got a little awkward. We sort of ran out of things to talk about once the food came, but we both toughed it out. He drove me back to my car and invited me up to his apartment to, uh, "look at his art." I said, "Um, actually...I should probably...um...go." He seemed a little disappointed, but understood.
We hugged good-bye and I said something like, "Let's hit the driving range again." But I have a feeling that might be the last time he lets me use his clubs.
Falafel and Fitness: My date with Dr. Nutrition
You may remember from the first breakup that I joined OkCupid on a whim, mostly for my own ego boost. I talked with a few people, but never went out on any dates. Then SCL and I were back together and so on and so on...
But, I never closed my account. Maybe that was my gut saying "Keep your eyes open, sweetie." Back in April, I got a message that said, "I love Georgia. What part are you from?" I have a tender spot for those who appreciate my home state, so we chatted back and forth, nothing serious. But, then once I found myself suddenly single (and indicated as such on my profile), he asked if I wanted to meet, and we set up a time for after my vacation.
We met in Dupont. First impressions: tall, buff, handsome, same eye color as me (dark hazel), and a great smile. He'd told me he had a "place in mind" to go, but then he just gave a vague "let's sit outside." So we ended up at Le Pain Quotidien, which just happened to be the first place we saw with outdoor seating. And my roommate works there. Not exactly an ideal place for just having a drink, but it was fine. We had a very sweet waiter who was patient with us, even though Dr. Nutrition didn't even glance at his menu for at least thirty minutes.
Dr. Nutrition got his PhD in his mid-20s and now works for the National Institutes of Health. He's super fit (runs marathons, does triathlons, is a big yoga buff, etc.) and super positive. He has a very personal trainer-type personality. I could see why he does what he does--he could encourage anyone with his bright eyes and positive energy.
He did talk a lot--not really about himself and not in an egotistical way, but he's definitely a storyteller. I could tell he's had a ton of amazing experiences and is always seeking new opportunities to learn and grow. He was very interesting, but I kept wondering, "When is he going to realize that I haven't shared really anything about myself?" I sipped my one glass of wine which gave me a slight buzz, so I decided against a second glass.
Honestly, I couldn't tell how he was feeling about me at all. Was this just a friend thing? Or a date thing? I ended up paying for my drink, which gave me a "friend thing" vibe. Damn.
We walked toward the Metro, and I was fully prepared just to head home. But then he said, "I'm hungry. Do you want to get some dinner?" Sure, why not? It was 9:30 at that point, and I was pretty famished. We headed to Maoz Vegetarian for the most delicious falafel I've had in a long time. He cracked me up though--he had a folder of his LivingSocial vouchers, with a top sheet listing them all by expiration date. Type-A, much?
As we ate our delicious falafel outside, things got a lot better conversation-wise. I told him about my family and my work, how I hope to travel to the Middle East and Africa next summer through work. He seemed genuinely interested in me and even joked about how he'd talked so much--and that he usually doesn't do that. "Sure, that's what you tell everyone," I said. I felt like I could tease him a bit about his neurosis and his overachieving personality. I'm used to that--I went to Yale.
But, there is something annoying about being around someone who has done and experienced so much that I felt like I had nothing new to add. There weren't many experiences I shared that he hadn't had his hand in at some point. I think he's just a really passionate person and has a lot of interests, but I ended up feeling kind of unspecial, I guess? I don't think of myself as boring at all, but he was sort of overwhelming in all of his interests, passions, and experiences. I sort of felt like I hadn't done much in comparison. Probably this is just my own insecurity that I need to get over.
So, all in all it was a decent date. It actually was pretty fun--talked for almost five hours. We parted at the Metro with a hug (no kiss) and I told him I'd had fun. I'm not sure if I have strong feelings either way about having a second date, so we'll see how it goes. But most of all, I'm just proud of myself for putting myself out there. And it's good to know there are some really nice, quality guys out there. Well, at least one.
But, I never closed my account. Maybe that was my gut saying "Keep your eyes open, sweetie." Back in April, I got a message that said, "I love Georgia. What part are you from?" I have a tender spot for those who appreciate my home state, so we chatted back and forth, nothing serious. But, then once I found myself suddenly single (and indicated as such on my profile), he asked if I wanted to meet, and we set up a time for after my vacation.
We met in Dupont. First impressions: tall, buff, handsome, same eye color as me (dark hazel), and a great smile. He'd told me he had a "place in mind" to go, but then he just gave a vague "let's sit outside." So we ended up at Le Pain Quotidien, which just happened to be the first place we saw with outdoor seating. And my roommate works there. Not exactly an ideal place for just having a drink, but it was fine. We had a very sweet waiter who was patient with us, even though Dr. Nutrition didn't even glance at his menu for at least thirty minutes.
Dr. Nutrition got his PhD in his mid-20s and now works for the National Institutes of Health. He's super fit (runs marathons, does triathlons, is a big yoga buff, etc.) and super positive. He has a very personal trainer-type personality. I could see why he does what he does--he could encourage anyone with his bright eyes and positive energy.
He did talk a lot--not really about himself and not in an egotistical way, but he's definitely a storyteller. I could tell he's had a ton of amazing experiences and is always seeking new opportunities to learn and grow. He was very interesting, but I kept wondering, "When is he going to realize that I haven't shared really anything about myself?" I sipped my one glass of wine which gave me a slight buzz, so I decided against a second glass.
Honestly, I couldn't tell how he was feeling about me at all. Was this just a friend thing? Or a date thing? I ended up paying for my drink, which gave me a "friend thing" vibe. Damn.
We walked toward the Metro, and I was fully prepared just to head home. But then he said, "I'm hungry. Do you want to get some dinner?" Sure, why not? It was 9:30 at that point, and I was pretty famished. We headed to Maoz Vegetarian for the most delicious falafel I've had in a long time. He cracked me up though--he had a folder of his LivingSocial vouchers, with a top sheet listing them all by expiration date. Type-A, much?
As we ate our delicious falafel outside, things got a lot better conversation-wise. I told him about my family and my work, how I hope to travel to the Middle East and Africa next summer through work. He seemed genuinely interested in me and even joked about how he'd talked so much--and that he usually doesn't do that. "Sure, that's what you tell everyone," I said. I felt like I could tease him a bit about his neurosis and his overachieving personality. I'm used to that--I went to Yale.
But, there is something annoying about being around someone who has done and experienced so much that I felt like I had nothing new to add. There weren't many experiences I shared that he hadn't had his hand in at some point. I think he's just a really passionate person and has a lot of interests, but I ended up feeling kind of unspecial, I guess? I don't think of myself as boring at all, but he was sort of overwhelming in all of his interests, passions, and experiences. I sort of felt like I hadn't done much in comparison. Probably this is just my own insecurity that I need to get over.
So, all in all it was a decent date. It actually was pretty fun--talked for almost five hours. We parted at the Metro with a hug (no kiss) and I told him I'd had fun. I'm not sure if I have strong feelings either way about having a second date, so we'll see how it goes. But most of all, I'm just proud of myself for putting myself out there. And it's good to know there are some really nice, quality guys out there. Well, at least one.
Ok(not-so)cupid
Guess where I am. Just guess. Another fucking airport! O'Hare. This is getting ridiculous, this whole work thing. I suppose this is the downside of being good at setting up speaking engagements. I actually have to go do them!
So, the creep from okcupid kept texting/calling, etc. and so I finally texted back the following: "Hi, I do not mean to ignore your messages, but I don't want to lead you on. My partner and I had broken up but we are trying to work things out. Take care."
And he just unfriended me on facebook! I find this absolutely hilarious, probably in part because I've been up since 5:00 am and could fall over with exhaustion. Oh, J. You weird one. I hope you find another girl! Sorry to be such a heart-breaker.
The Remnants of Online Dating
So, as you know, I ventured into the world of online dating for a few weeks before SCL decided he'd been a big idiot in breaking up with me and wanted to start over. After a few days, I figured I'd better at least disable my dating account, not wanting to mislead my "many" suitors. Then all hell broke loose.
One guy wrote back to say that he hadn't had a girlfriend in 5 years, that I was added to his long list of women who'd rather give their ex another chance than go out with him, that I shouldn't come back to him when things don't work out between SCL and me, and that he was VERY interested. It made me laugh my ass off. No wonder he hasn't had a girlfriend in years. He's a psycho.
Then there's J, the one guy I seriously talked with continuously throughout my short online dating experience. He seems really nice, but we hold opposing political views, which I figured ultimately would interfere with our having a chance at a real relationship. He was pretty cute, though, and I was willing to date him. We never got around to making actual plans when SCL and I began to reconcile. I couldn't just cut him off the way I had the others. I felt like I needed to tell him. Over facebook chat. I told him SCL and I were working things out, and I thought this would be enough for him to get the picture.
Apparently not. He keeps calling me, and I keep ignoring him. He keeps texting me, and I ignore those, too. I've told SCL about it, both because I want to be transparent and because I feel a little creeped out by it. Do I continue to ignore him and eventually he'll stop? Do I spell things out more clearly for him? I'm not used to balancing more than one guy, so any advice would be most helpful, bloggy friends.
Sassy New Single Girl: Online Flirting
Driving back from Orlando, and I am loving my little netbook and my tethered Internet connection from my phone. Blogging from the road while my brother drives like a fucking maniac down I-4. Better to be distracted than to watch what I fear may be the end of my life on this earth.
Despite having a blast with my nephew, mom, and brother in Orlando, I still had a few minutes of "WTF? Why is this my life now?" I had zero privacy and zero alone time, which normally I don't really need, but going through this, I need time to just be alone and cry. I have to say it has been nice to have my mom around to comfort me and my nephew to make me laugh as he dances to Lady Gaga's "Telephone" video. I am not making this up. After we went on the E.T. ride and saw a little photo op with ET dressed up in the doll clothes in the closet with all of the toys, he said, "ET looks like Lady Gaga!" I think he might be slightly gay.
Anyway, after feeling sorry for myself, I decided I needed to just look at okcupid again. I'd gotten freaked by it a few weeks ago, but now I really need a distraction from thinking about SCL. So I reactivated my account, and guess what? A really, really cute boy favorited me! I could get used to this. We chatted, debated who had the better pizza-making abilities (me obviously), and I don't know, maybe something will come of it. Right now it's just super fun and what I need to get my confidence back.
My problem is I don't quite know how to reject people. There are a lot of weirdos out there, and I feel like I should be nice and give everyone a chance. I ended up in this conversation with a sweet-enough looking guy...who then confessed that he likes women's shoes. Wearing them. Ballet floots, heeled boots, etc. I didn't quite know what to say other than "I think you know more about shoes than I do." Yikes.
Who knows if anything will come of this, but it's good to start flexing those flirting muscles and see there are a lot of men out there who are interested in me, at least on a surface level. Not sure if I'm quite ready to take them up on their offers, but I know they're there when I want them.
Too Soon for the Online Profile
I don't know what came over me, but the other night I was feeling shitty and decided it'd be "fun" to make an online profile just to see what it was like. Let's not even think about how it's not even been a month since SCL and I broke up, and how I am still clearly a big giant mess. I went onto okcupid, which my friend had recommended to me, and stretched my little artistic wings with the whole "who am I in 100 words or less." I also agonized over what picture to put up and what username to use. Let me say, I think there's an art to this, and it probably also requires more time and thought than I gave it that night. More than anything, though, I was there to explore and to see what this whole online dating scene is like.
Let me save you the trouble: it's essentially the meat market on Friday night at the club, but in online form.
At least the site I was on was. That might have been partly because okcupid is free, and that I was looking for men in DC who, at least in my eyes, are notoriously douchey anyway. I answered a bunch of their questions as honestly as I could, but as soon as I started looking through my matches, I start to feel depressed. NERDY. Not cool nerdy, but NERDY nerdy. And not cute. And just all in all not what I'm hoping for in my next guy at least on a surface level. Some were definitely witty, but not so much that I actually wanted to say hi.
Then the influx happened--I could see how many visitors had been to my page (30 in the first 3 minutes of being online!) and then the messages started. I tried to play along, be flirty in my responses, but I felt like a damn fool. This is so not what I had in mind. This is so not what I need right now.
Making this profile just made me panicky about the future: I'm never going to find love again, I'm never going to get married, I'm going to die alone, etc. So the next day, I got up and deleted my account. I'm not ready for that just yet, not even a little. And a little pat on the back to me for knowing that deep down and doing something about it.
So, when am I going to be ready? My therapist C says "You'll know when you are." Real helpful, C. Thanks. But what I do know is I'm not ready now, and today that's all that matters.
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