Leaving the Computer at Home

But before I do, here's a recap of the last few days. First, right after I blogged the other morning, I almost didn't make it home. There had been a huge storm the night before, throwing off everyone's travel plans, and when I got to the gate, the flight was oversold by four seats. And I didn't have a seat assignment. Shit.

So, I did the most pathetic thing imaginable. I started crying. No, more like sobbing. I begged the woman at the ticket counter, "Please, I have to get home today. I have to go to a wedding!" So, she did some magic and within a few minutes, I had a seat assignment. In the emergency exit aisle with lots of leg room. Next to a really hunky pilot. Not too shabby. And a short hour and half later, I landed.

When I saw my mom waiting for me, I immediately began sobbing for the second time that day--so much that I could barely make out her figure in the crowd. But I threw my bags down and put my arms around her neck and sobbed like a little baby for a good five minutes. I'd been holding those cries in for over a week, and finally I just got to let go and have my mom hold me. She didn't care; she wasn't embarrassed. She just said, "Let it all out, sweet girl." God, I love my mom.

There have been a lot of tears since then, too. Even though I'm home, I still feel like shit and there are still fucking reminders of SCL everywhere I look. I did do a great act of self-care by not going to the wedding I  had today. (Yes, the one I cried about to get home--you got a problem with it?) I just felt like shit, and I knew I wouldn't be adding to my friend's happiness if I went. I'll tell her I got sick and send an extra-nice gift. I never do this kind of thing, but I couldn't handle it today. Plus, I'd made the effort to go to her bachelorette weekend and spend lots of time (and of course money) with her. Whatever, I'm not going to justify it anywhere. I never skip this kind of stuff. But I just felt like it was something I needed to do.

Instead my mom and I spent the day looking for new clothes for me. She spent a somewhat obscene amount of money on me, which I resisted at first until I realized how much she'd been looking forward to shopping together. I realized that I haven't felt beautiful in months, and hell, that needs to change immediately. I'm never going to get past this if I don't start feeling good about myself again.

Being here makes me realize how unhappy I am living so far away from my family. I hate it. I don't want to make any big decisions right now, but I'm thinking about looking into living somewhere else--another city closer to home. The beauty about my job right now is I can do it absolutely anywhere as long as I have a decent airport. So, over the next six months as I'm waiting to hear back about my continued contract, I'm going to start looking into some of cities closer to home. Because honestly, nothing is more important than the people we love, and most of mine right now are south of the Mason-Dixon line.

Mom and I head out forour glamorous vacation of luxury and indulgence tomorrow morning, and I've decided not to take the computer. I just need a break from technology for a few days. I'll be back in DC on Thursday afternoon, so I'm sure you'll hear from me by then. In the meantime, know how much I love all of you, especially those who've taken the time to write, comment, and even send me things--books,  iTunes, your stories. You rock my face off. This is a good thing, btw.

12 comments:

  1. Enjoy your time with your mom! I know how much it means to me to have my mom. Esp. when you have a broken heart. Moms are the best medicine!

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  2. Hey you know what could help take the edge off? Go learn to fly. It's sort of what I did. There are lots of small airports in D.C. and the rest of the country.

    Go take an intro lesson, you might get hooked:)

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  3. *big hugs* have so much fun with your mom and kudos for leaving the computer - sometimes it's so nice to be away from technology for a bit.

    And don't feel bad about skipping the wedding, your friend with understand and honestly I know I'd probably do the same exact thing in your shoes.

    Can't wait to hear about your trip when you get back. Again, have fun! And let it all out, that's what moms are for!

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  4. I am so glad to hear your getting some quality mother-daughter time! I think it will be such a break for you. :) And every girl needs her mommy when she's sad!

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  5. I would have done the same thing at the airport haha. I'm sure your friend will understand. Hope you have an amazing time with your mom!

    xx,
    Delilah

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  6. another work travelerAugust 8, 2010 at 10:06 AM

    As a fellow traveler who boards planes weekly for work I would caution you to not hastily pick up and leave DC. At the end of relationships I frequently hop a plane to my parent's house, cry on the couch where my parents baby me and I sleep in and watch too much TV while sipping hot tea. I do lots of thinking and contemplate how I would sell my house and pack up all my belongings and move back to home town city. A few weeks later I realize that my friends and life are here in DC and that while visitng home is nice, my life is here in DC.

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  7. Hey another work traveler--this is something I've been contemplating for over a year. I don't want to move home (if you read the post again, you'll see that I said a city CLOSER to home), but I would like to be within driving distance. As I told my mom, I do have a life in DC, but not one that is irreplaceable.

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  8. hmmmmm....enjoy your time with your mom.
    On the other issue...and this might be helpful or unhelpful but...with every passing day....you're one day further away from that past and one day closer to a future where you're a different person than who you were...where you've taken what you learned from the past and where you know what you want out of your life and your future whoever....and you will be happy and it will be awesome...and i just had verbal diarrhea all over your comment box! lol..sorry!!

    August 8, 2010 11:23 PM

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  9. Awww. You are so sweet. I just cried reading this. Mother/Daughter time is the best isn't it?

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  10. Enjoy your break. That quote from your mom melted my heart.

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  11. Mothers are amazing and a good reminder of what's important in life. Leaving DC might be just the thing to truly feel like you can begin a new chapter in your life and give you a bit of needed excitement and anticipation. Definitely think it over and talk it out with people.

    Have a great vacation!

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  12. No computer? No computer? Whatever next? No clothes?

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