On Second Thought...After some Franzia and Frankness

I have a feeling it's going to take me some time to get used to this whole casual dating thing. I'm afraid that yesterday's post mostly highlighted Dr. Nutrition's own brand of type-A-ness and left out a lot of the good parts. In fact, I had forgotten a lot of the good parts about the date until I started talking with Katie and my friend B.

Katie had a shit day at work, but even so, she shared her box of Franzia wine with me. I told her about how I'd felt not very special during the date because Dr. Nutrition seemed so accomplished. "Fuck, you get flown all over the country to give talks!, "she said, a couple of glasses into the box o' wine. She said maybe I was committing a form of self-sabotage--that because it's only been a month since the breakup that I feel I'm not supposed to be ready to date again, so maybe I'm telling myself that I'm not good enough for this new guy. It's a pretty fucked up way of thinking.

I think she's right. I did feel some insecurity and held back talking about myself a lot (it did help that he talked a lot). I'm not sure how to say to myself, "Just be confident," but I think next time I'll be more aware of the voices in my head, telling me I suck or have nothing interesting to say. Little bitch voices, get the fuck out of my head!

Katie told me to text him I'd had a good time and see what happens. So, I did just that--said thanks for the dinner, that I'd had fun, have a good weekend, etc. I figured it couldn't hurt to let him know that I'd enjoyed myself and would be open to another date. So, when I walked home from Katie's and realized he'd sent me an email inviting me on not one but TWO dates for next week, I was beaming. We're going out on Monday.

Later yesterday evening, I was with my friend B, driving to Old Town and I started rehashing some of the date and realized in talking about it that it really had gone a lot better than I initially thought. We connected on a lot of levels and have more than just surface-level interests in common. Once I quit with the self-sabotage talk, I could see things differently. I'm looking forward to Monday, hopefully with a much different attitude on my part.

8 comments:

  1. I can imagine that after being in a long term relationship it would be hard to put yourself out there again. I wouldn't totally know that - the only "long term" relationship I was in before my husband wasn't really much of a relationship and by the time it ended part of my heart was already with my hubby anyway. But I would think if Dustin was to suddenly go away I'd have a hard time dating so I can see where you'd be self sabotaging a little.

    But yay for going out again Monday! Sounds like he's into you and that's got to feel good! Keep us updated!!

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  2. Yeah, yeah! This "Katie" is a genius! ;)

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  3. I've heard a lot of horror stories about OkC, but I've had two really great experiences.

    You just need to make sure you don't go from one longterm relationship to another. It might be good to pace yourself?

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  4. It's just a matter of shaking off the breakup and continually reminding yourself that there's someone better out there...it's just a matter of finding him..

    :) hope the dates go well!!!

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  5. In terms of jumping into a long-term relationship, that's not my intention. I'm just trying to have a good time and try new things (and new people). Whatever happens, happens.

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  6. Great new title for you blog. It takes away from all the relationship stuff and makes it about YOU and YOUR life, not some coupled up one. I would love to hear more about you aside from all this man business. You say you travel around to speak to people...about what? What are your hobbies? Living in DC, ow do you feel about Obama? Where did you grow up? What was your major in school? I'm sure there's a very interesting woman in there, but so much of your focus seems to be on dating and men that it gets kinda lost in the fray, so to speak. C'mon Non-Student....WHO are YOU? Embrace your single self and let's drop the whole dating thing for awhile. I just know you have a LOT more to talk about than all of this. Men are like Dixie cups....there's always another one.

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  7. I think the best bet is to keep it fun & light for now. Jumping from one long-term relationship to another isn't exactly BAD, but I think it's more helpful for you to discover more of yourself right now and get all the emotions from your break-up in the past.

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  8. I began writing my blog originally to speak to a particular situation--the one of being partnered with a grad-student. It's not that my entire life centered on the relationship, but it was what I chose to write about on my blog (I do other writing for work, pleasure, etc.) I think every blog needs a niche, or at least a theme. My relationship in SCL was my theme.

    Just because I'm not with SCL anymore doesn't mean I want to take my blog to a place of just random things about me. I want to keep it on topic. I stop following a lot of blogs simply because they are all over the place. I have venues for talking about my work, my hobbies, my political views, but talking about my dating life isn't something I feel comfortable talking about publicly with many people. I like the anonymity of this--it helps me work things out in a way that I couldn't on my own.

    So yes, Anon, you're right. I am an interesting person. I do live my life out loud--but whether I choose this blog as the primary outlet for doing that is another story. Do you blog? I would be interested in reading it.

    The bottom line is I don't blog to make others happy. If you think my blog is boring, there are plenty of others to choose from.

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