- No longer sobbing on an hourly basis. Actually, not sobbing at all anymore. A few tears every few days or so, but that's about it. I think all that crying in the first two weeks really helped get it out of my system.
- No longer asking "why why why" about the break-up, SCL's changing mind, the relationship in general. I seem to have mostly accepted that I won't have an answer.
- No longer that afraid that I'll never find love again.
- Still wondering how SCL's doing, what he's thinking about, and what I'll do if we run into one another. My thoughts about him are generally positive, though still bittersweet. I keep wishing him light and love.
- Still feel my stomach drop when I see a picture of him or think I see him across the street.
- Still sad about how everything worked out (or didn't) and how my heart was broken twice.
- Now interested in meeting new people and even dating on a casual basis. I'll be sharing stories from the dates I have, promise!
- Now focused on what will make me feel good and help me move on.
- Now truly believing that I am who I am and don't have to change myself for someone else. I'm not going to chase after anyone.
Of course, things are still up and down, but in general this second time around has been an easier healing process. I attribute that to good friends, feeling what I feel, a vacation, and this blog community. Thank you, thank you.
I'm so glad you're feeling better! Breaking up is a terrible roller-coaster of emotions, but it sounds like you are dealing with it in a really healthy way. Your resilience is inspiring. Hope things continue to get better!
ReplyDeletexx,
Delilah
Thanks, Delilah! I'm definitely doing my best. It's not easy but it certainly could be worse.
ReplyDeleteNo problemo :) Keep a smile upon your face and you can do anything!
ReplyDeleteSo so glad that you're feeling better and it sounds like you're really on the right path. I can't wait to hear your dating stories!
ReplyDeleteI am happy for you too......glad you aren't crying anymore, and can think back fondly of SCL.
ReplyDeleteI myself wonder if he will ever call you or if there will be contact again. It seems that it is only right that there should be, but of course that will take time, and when you feel ready.....it is good that you have positive thoughts of him and wish him well. It's never good to hold on to anger and resentment.
It is normal to wonder what he is thinking and how he is doing. After all, he has a loss too, of someone very close and special to him, and he no longer has that connection. So I am sure he has sad moments too, but this is a guy who can probably compartmentalize his feelings and move on quickly. My guess is that he didn't have quite the emotional tie that you did.
So would you call him someday? Do you want to hear anything about his life?
I ask because I have kept in touch with my ex (of 18 months), and we keep it friendly and light....but have not seen each other in over 2 months, and I think I need that space. But we have a tentative date for Sept.....to play tennis; lol. Keep it very light and active so we don't fall into old habits. A part of me wonders though if we will actually carry out this plan. I am not completely sure I want to see him again; that it would be good for me, but I do want to know how he is doing, and keep some communication going. So for now, i am going to play it by ear, and see what happens.
I'm glad to hear things are looking up. I think you've really approached this in a healthy way and have found a way to move on somewhat with your life.
ReplyDeleteI'm REALLY excited to hear about your dating stories, too! :)
I think you're the healthiest person I know. Wow. I hope I can pull reservoirs of strength and wisdom out like this when needed. Thanks for inspiring me today, I needed it! If you can do it, maybe I can too... :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for everyone's encouraging words. And wow, let's give Comment Bouncer a hand! Good job. It is so nice to just stop by and read the comments.
ReplyDelete@spleeness, What has helped me the most so far: Tara Brach podcasts (seriously, go download some right now) and watching/re-reading Eat Pray Love.
@Felisha, I'm not sure about what kind of friendship will be possible in the future with SCL. I do hope to keep up with him professionally if nothing else. He has an amazing career ahead of him, and really the potential to move mountains in the area he's interested in. I think I will always admire that part of him.
ReplyDeleteI also really enjoyed his extended family (though his parents had issues with me) and wouldn't mind knowing how they're doing. In a lot of ways, I think I had an easier time relating to them than SCL did! His aunts were always really warm toward me; never could figure out why the same wasn't true with his mother. Very glad not to have to deal with that situation anymore because it drove me insane.
Keep me posted on what happens with your ex.
you're on the right path and doing great. :)
ReplyDelete-v-
Good for you! Now maybe it's time to change the title of your blog?
ReplyDeletesweetums! clearly i have not been in touch. i'm so sorry to hear about your hard last month, and i'm sorry that i haven't been keeping up with it all. i just caught up some, though, and i want to thank you for sharing, for being so honest with yourself and with your blog community. i also want to congratulate you. a month is actually not a very long time, but you've come a helluva long way.
ReplyDeletei'm interested in anonymous's comment that you might change the title of your blog. wonder what he/she had in mind. and i wonder if you might get some of that cash if you were as date-focused at "date me dc." love that. :)
take care of you, hon. be gentle with yourself. and don't hesitate to get in touch if i can do absolutely anything.
good for you - seems like a really healthy progression!
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