Let me save you the trouble: it's essentially the meat market on Friday night at the club, but in online form.
At least the site I was on was. That might have been partly because okcupid is free, and that I was looking for men in DC who, at least in my eyes, are notoriously douchey anyway. I answered a bunch of their questions as honestly as I could, but as soon as I started looking through my matches, I start to feel depressed. NERDY. Not cool nerdy, but NERDY nerdy. And not cute. And just all in all not what I'm hoping for in my next guy at least on a surface level. Some were definitely witty, but not so much that I actually wanted to say hi.
Then the influx happened--I could see how many visitors had been to my page (30 in the first 3 minutes of being online!) and then the messages started. I tried to play along, be flirty in my responses, but I felt like a damn fool. This is so not what I had in mind. This is so not what I need right now.
Making this profile just made me panicky about the future: I'm never going to find love again, I'm never going to get married, I'm going to die alone, etc. So the next day, I got up and deleted my account. I'm not ready for that just yet, not even a little. And a little pat on the back to me for knowing that deep down and doing something about it.
So, when am I going to be ready? My therapist C says "You'll know when you are." Real helpful, C. Thanks. But what I do know is I'm not ready now, and today that's all that matters.