Feels Like Home

As I crossed the North Carolina state line early yesterday morning, I instantly felt like I was home. There's something about this state that just makes my heart feel like singing. Ever since I started at Davidson College in 2001, I have felt a strong sense of belonging here. It holds so many special memories, not to mention special people, for me. I feel like I breathe more deeply here.

I felt a similar sense of peace when I was, strangely enough, in Malawi. I hadn't expected to go so far away from home only to experience a deeper sense of belonging and connection than I ever did in DC. One night our team was out eating dinner at a restaurant on the shores of Lake Malawi when I happened to look up into the night sky. I'd never seen anything so breathtaking--the stars so bright and dense. I've never looked at the sky the same way since I got back.

The moment I walked through the door when I got back to DC, I felt that sense of peace disintegrate. The influx of email and phone calls and conference calls overpowered my newly found quietness. "I've got to learn to replicate that sense of quiet," I thought. I began slowly to push out the noise--turning off my email indicator on my phone, putting the computer to sleep by 8 pm, not going to sleep with the TV on. But, I wanted more than just quiet. I wanted connection, community, family.

Being here in North Carolina with Carolina Man, in his beautiful house by the lake, I feel that sense of connection, that sense of peace I thought I'd have to travel to the other side of the world to feel again. I experience myself and the world around me differently here. It's something I think I'd like to get used to.

3 comments:

  1. This makes me happy. I'm glad you've found somewhere (and someone) that make you feel like you're at home.

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  2. Thank you for your beautiful description. I could almost see the stars myself!

    I've thought about your story several times since I read your posts last week, and I have to say.....in my gut I feel that you're following the right path. I know that sounds strange since I don't even know you, but I just have a feeling that this is going to work out for you. I DO think one has to be careful about not getting so carried away by a situation that they aren't seeing it clearly, but there is something to be said about not being TOO careful.

    The early stage of falling in love with someone is the best feeling I think there is in life. And it is possible to be so into that feeling that one foresakes all reason. I really, really hope that isn't you. I hope this is the real deal for you. I'll bet you haven't thought of SCL since you met Carolina Man. Now THATS something worth celebrating.

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  3. Anonymous--thanks for your comment. I definitely want to keep my eyes wide open. But at the same time, one can begin to create problems in the mind that aren't even there. Carolina Man and I are establishing a really healthy pattern of bringing up what we're afraid of or excited about. The honesty is what we value most.

    As for SCL, I haven't thought about him much. I certainly haven't thought about him in any kind of longing way. If anything, I think about our relationship and how unfulfilling it was for me. I can really see that now. I would have outgrown him and I would have been miserable. We weren't a good fit. And, I'm beginning to feel ok about the fact that he might be happier with someone else.

    My gut is usually right, and my gut is saying to go for it--not stupidly, not foolishly, but wholeheartedly.

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