That's what I'm pretty sure I'm experiencing. I don't feel like I can give 100% to anyone or anything. I just want to lie in bed in my dark room all day.

The frustrating thing is I can't even tell if this medicine I'm taking is starting to work because my circumstances have been so all over the place since I began it about four weeks ago. While I was in Malawi, I felt great, relaxed, at peace. Then as soon as I walked through the door, I felt the rush of stress return. And then the SCL thing fucked everything up. Then I left for another week of hectic work travel.

My prayers have shifted from wanting everything to be good, to wanting everything to be neutral, to wanting everything to be not totally fucked up for a few weeks so I can see if this medicine is kicking in.

Seriously, universe, cut me some slack.

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