Don't Wait to Say the Good Stuff

In very weird form, Andrew Cohen, legal analyst for Politics Daily, decided to write an open letter of sorts to his ex-girlfriend...on her wedding day. That's right, on her WEDDING DAY! If you think you can stomach this saccharine and inappropriate display of regret, you can read the whole article entitled "On Her Wedding Day, Saying the Things Left Unsaid" if you'd like. Or I can sum up for you what I think about it.

Basically, it's a passive-aggressive note of regret, articulating all of the ways that he loved this woman, and then "wishing her the best" in her decision to marry someone else. Now if he really meant all of this, wouldn't he have written her a private note rather than post his feelings online? It seems like it's more about him than about her.

But, the question still remains for me: why does it sometimes take something monumentally life-changing, like a death or a marriage, to say the things that should've been said a long time ago? 


The book I'm reading is focused primarily on living in the present moment, having a clear awareness of what we feel and holding whatever it is we are feeling with an open, kind, and warm heart. For me, this is seriously complex because at any given time I feel like I am feeling layer upon layer of feelings, thoughts upon thoughts, and various judgments and criticisms. It can be tricky to hold all of that at once and clearly get a sense of what is going on inside. I can tell this is going to take some practice.

But shifting from living in the present--rather than reliving the past or leaning into the future--necessitates an authenticity that I think I lack a lot of the time. It's really easy for me, like Cohen, to reflect on the past and see it as much simpler and more beautiful. In his proclamation of love, what I hear is "These were the best times in my life, and now they are coming to an end." How sad to be stuck in love.

I hope I never find myself in a situation like this--SCL marrying another woman, and me left feeling like he didn't know much I cared about it. And even worse, not being able to let go of the past and live in the present. In the meantime, I want him to know how much I appreciate him--how he fixed my bike yesterday, how he is patient with my ranting and getting upset, and how he is working to uncover what's going on in his own heart and mind.

And I will spare you all my declaration of love.

6 comments:

  1. Um... yeah, that's really inappropriate. I experience regret sometimes but you either need to fix it in a private way or learn to live with it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. funny howi wrote an open letter to my ex on my blog this morning...off to check it.

    P.S iv been reading your blog for a while now, not sure iv dropped a comment, but i think you are pushing marriage too much, guys are naturally scared of commitment, so give it a rest and just let things flow naturally

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi doll. Well, I agree that I did push marriage for a long time, and I've learned from that. It's difficult to readjust expectations when marriage had been something we mutually agreed on for quite some time. But, I am trying to learn to live in the present moment. It's a struggle--and not as simple as "giving it a rest." It's a lot of work for me! But I am trying to cool it a bit and see how things unfold.

    Also, I disagree that men are "naturally" scared of commitment. I think they're socialized to see marriage as constrictive, when actually studies show men are the the ones who benefit the most from marriage--longer lifespan, better health, more happiness, etc. Ironic, huh?

    Thanks for commenting, and I hope you'll do it more!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I agree that the letter says more about him. If he really felt that way, he should have let her know in some other form. Letting her know before the big day would have been a good idea too.

    -Delilah

    Ps. I also believe that ben are not "naturally" scared of commitment. That idea is something that needs to change on a societal level.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I see where you're coming from, but I actually don't mind the open letter. Some people are more open with others and that's just how they deal.

    Take us bloggers for example. We are constantly sharing our thoughts and feelings with complete strangers. Sometimes these feelings may be hopes, dreams, regrets and revelations.

    Obviously there is a time a place for everything and some things should certainly remain private, but I don't blame him completely for wanting to express his feelings outloud. It's cheaper than a therapist and he's probably just looking for validation.

    It's a nice idea to try and live in the present, but sometimes the choices you make in the present will forever effect you in the future.

    They say sometimes you don't realize how much you loved something until it's already gone.

    That might not apply for everyone, but I can see how it applies for some. It's an emotional time when you suddenly realize you lost someone you loved forever, but he will move on eventually. Time heals all. His present is his emotions, so in a sense he is living in the present and he has to live through it in order to move on.

    Good study break! This stimulated me to think!

    ReplyDelete
  6. JoJo, hope the studying is going well. Many people reacted the way that you did to it. It seemed it was either "ew" or "aw." Ha ha.

    ReplyDelete