It all started when Mr. Homeland Security texted me mid-afternoon to ask if I could pick him up from the Metro station and take him to our date. This kind of threw me off as, in my opinion, it's not something you ask on a second date. It got worse when he replied to my "How are you going to get home?" text with "Oh, you can just drop me off at the Metro on your way home." Presumptuous, much?
Needless to say, by the time 5:45 rolled around and I was heading to the Metro, I was feeling a little bit annoyed, even though I'd agreed to pick him up. (What was I supposed to say?) Then I got even more annoyed when he got into the car and kissed me--dude, we've only been out once! We do not have that kind of familiarity yet.
Then he proceeded to YAMMER ON for the next TWENTY MINUTES about the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT. Not once did he ask, "How was your day?" No, he went on a tangent about God knows what, and I was getting more and more irritated. I thought, "What am I doing with this guy? He's annoying me! He's unaware of his talkativeness and he's presumptuous. And he's bald!"
By the time we got to the bar, I'd had enough. And like an angel from Heaven above, my phone rings. It's my friend J who was staying with me and needed me to let her into my house. SCORE. "Sorry," I said, trying to sound remorseful. "But I've really got to go let my friend in. What bad timing!" We literally got right back into the car, I dropped him off, I winced as he kissed me again and said "Sure, we'll get together some time next week!"
NOT.
Everyone, can you feel it? Can you tell that I'm kind of not feeling this whole dating thing? As I was driving Mr. Homeland Security around town, all I could think is, "Why am I doing this to myself?" It felt like torture. I feel like I'm putting myself through hell right now--with SCL, with Dr. Nutrition, with all of these stupid dates that I'm not excited about. When I get a message from eHarmony, I feel stressed out, not excited. I feel pulled apart and torn open and fucked up.
I am BROKEN. My heart is BROKEN. I feel like SHIT about myself. I am TIRED of it.
When I feel this bad, I tend to make rash decisions without thinking it through. But, I just disabled my OkCupid account, turned off matching for eHarmony (why didn't I let the damn thing expire?), and have committed to really thinking through this whole dating thing and if it's what I need right now. All I know is I don't feel like myself and that something is not right in my life. And, if I care about myself at all, I will spend the time trying to figure out what that is.
Awwh, we've all been there at times I think. I have said those exact words about dating (especially "blind" internet dates) being an absolute torture. If it's worth anything, I don't think this guy was really out of line. Tactless and poor ability to pick up on your cues, definitely! But not creepy really. He was probably nervous and unsure of himself. Give yourself a break (with chocolates!) and revisit it when you are feeling more enthused. I wish you the BEST of luck and will follow along to see how it goes!
ReplyDeleteWorst. date. ever. But how perfect that your friend called? It's like the clouds broke open and ray of light beamed down and poof- there was your out! All I can say about dating is that it blows. It's like going on interview after interview, putting yourself out there over and over again. It is beyond exhausting and bad for your self-esteem. When I stopped having expectations, it got easier. Which is kind of sad, I guess. Because now every time I go on a date, deep down I'm like, "I don't give a f*ck." I also stopped thinking there was something wrong with me if things didn't work out. 99% of the time, people are just different and it doesn't/won't work. Good luck, and definitely take a break if you need it. Dating yourself can be fun too. The spooning gets a little awkward though...
ReplyDeleteI think this realization was much needed! Like your labels, you seem (who am I to judge?) like you do need some self-care. Maybe it's best to let things develop organically for awhile. :D I truly believe dating is fun! So wait until it is to try it again. And no more beating yourself up about seeing SCL. You're only human... at least I think. ;)
ReplyDeleteTotally understand ur feeling. I am about to turn off my OKC account myself.
ReplyDelete1) What an ASSHOLE.
ReplyDelete2) Yes.
Hey, I need a ride to the bookstore next Tuesday, you busy?
ReplyDeleteIt was a great run while it lasted...you got out there, tried some new things and proved to yourself that you were ready to date again; now its time to self-reflect on your experiences and work on whats bothering you. This is what I think...your out there, really out there (ready to date) and come 2011 WATCH OUT you will meet (in person) someone when your least expecting it and you'll be 100% ready for him.
Its alright girl. You are going through something that is normal. You took the get under (not literally) one to get over one route and this is usually the outcome. Maybe, you should take a few more months off dating to really heal. This whole feeling crappy thing could be because you have not healed. Don't feel bad for feeling broken and heart broken, you did have your heart broken. You have so much love to give but I hope you can take sometime to heal and then when you feel really up to it, get back in there. We are rooting for you!!! Eventually, it is going to get better.
ReplyDeleteIf you're not feeling it then stopping definitely seems like the right idea. Things will happen when they're met to and it's seriously not worth being stressed out over.
ReplyDeleteToo bad my brother isn't good enough for you (believe me, he's not) or I'd totally set you two up.
Sometimes we jump back in the ring to prove to ourselves that we can do it, that our last relationship did not break us, and that we can make a valiant attempt to find love again.
ReplyDeleteBut sometimes we're just not ready.
I'm by no means an expert on the matter... but I've spent a very large portion of 2010 focusing on my wants and needs... and it feels good to just let go of all that anxiety that comes with dating to reconnect with the person I was before I was involved in my last relationship. You will get there. But if you're not feeling tihs dating thing right now, cut yourself some slack. I disagree with the idea that we have to "put ourselves out there"--when it's right, you'll know. A night in alone is still much better than a night out with a loser, no?
Best of luck, girl. I'm pulling for you and can't wait to see you find your happy ending :)
There there....I know I keep saying you'll feel better. Perhaps just some time spent alone doing some of your favorite things and not worrying about the dating stress could help? Just take it easy and enjoy the little things in life :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. I've been there and it sucks. But I think you are doing the smartest thing...taking a break and figuring out what is good for you. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteOther than the kissing thing, honestly, I don't think this guy did anything all THAT terrible, and it honestly sounds like the problem was really the space you were/are in than anything about him. The reason I say this is because after your last date with him, you were very much interested in seeing him again, so what changed? It sounds to me like it simply is you changed...you're going through some things, so perhaps you were just being hyper-critical of him, and could have been anyone really. So...
ReplyDeleteGood for you for making this decision to step away from dating for awhile. Truthfully, I don't believe in that internet dating thing. I really don't. It seems way too forced to me, and from hearing about it from many people, it doesn't seem to work out that great with that many people. I am just someone who believes in the natural course of events. When it happens, it happens. You just meet someone somewhere and it all clicks. Maybe I'm old-fashioned.
Anyway....give yourself some time to just be you...no boyfriend, no frenetic dating, no rush to be in another relationship. You will be SO glad you did, and if you really take the time to just be with you, find out who you really are and what you really want, the rewards will be plenty.
You will be o.k. Just trust that.
You don't owe this guy, or anyone else, another date. Trust your instincts. If he'd been a decent kind of guy, picking him up at the Metro wouldn't have been a big deal. But you knew he wasn't right. Enjoy your own company for a bit and figure out what you want.
ReplyDeleteFunny, I was just thinking about disabling my OKC account this morning. I am also utterly weary of dating right now, and trying to figure out how to get my mojo back.
ReplyDeleteI think you can suspend your eHarmony account for a while, too. Maybe take 30 days to take on some other, more fun challenge and then give it a go again. Hang in there; it is tough out there.
Perhaps it was because he felt that since eH had matched the two of you on a deep personal level, you'd have no problem picking him up from work. Or, a more likely possibility, he was just a dick.
ReplyDeleteI killed off the Match and Chemistry profiles and have been internet dating-free for three months. Strange fact: I'm still meeting people, not as many, but the quality is higher. So don't worry about taking a break. We all need one once in a while.
@FoggyDew, you are amazing. Best comment ever.
ReplyDeleteAs for dating, I'm not 100% sure what I'm going to do. I do consider what you all say, but ultimately I've got to go with my gut. Right now my gut is not telling me anything definitive (damn gut), so I'm going to keep mulling over it. Thanks again for all of your comments. I feel the love.
So I have a few questions on Mr. HL Security asking you to pick him up at the metro.
ReplyDeleteFirst, had you planned on driving, or were you supposed to meet him near the metro? It is a bit strange to ask the woman to drive on date number 2. Not too manly or gallant.
Why exactly did he annoy you so much on date number 2, when you really enjoyed him on date number 1.
Is it him or is it you?
Maybe you do need the break....I kind of agree with anonymous. You wanted to get over SCL, and so finding someone new is a distraction, and a boost of self esteem at first, esp when someone like Dr. N is interested.
But, sounds like your heart and mind aren't there yet, and this is why things are not coming together. You just don't have the frame of mind, the stamina and the persistence to go through the slog of finding someone. You want instant comfort and an instant relationship, and it rarely happens.
Maybe for now it is best to just enjoy yourself and close friends, GF's who can support you......no need to get burned out this quick, and become too cynical.
I myself am taking a break from OLD too. When I began to regret the last date (who by the way was a decent guy, and nicer looking than his profile pic, but ....still.......not really for me I think, altho we are communicating) and wish that I hadn't made it....I resented getting ready and getting into the frame of mind needed for dating....I just decided that this would be it for a while. So, I am not worrying about meeting the perfect replacement for my XBF, and will just enjoy doing what I like doing, and spending time with those I like. I need the break too.
PS....want to ask you a few things about seeing SCL.....I find his texting you very interesting, but I imagine you had previous contact. That did not come out of the blue, no????
Gotta run.....Catch ya lata!
lordy some boys are just idiots.
ReplyDeleteglad you decided to disconnect for awhile and just take care of yourself!
Very presumptuous date! But, as a complete stranger who has said the very words you said, have you considered counseling, finding someone to talk to? When I didn't feel like myself and need help to figure it all out, it was a great help to have somone unconnected to my life with whom I could just talk about things. She gave great feedback, but mostly it was just being able to get things off my chest and help my self figure it all out.
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself and good luck!
p.s. I canceled my eHarmony account after they set me up with a cross-dresser named "Amanda". I just felt they didn't have my best interests at heart! lol
Since I have nothing better to do with my days these days then to read a ton of DC blogs, just know that you aren't the only one that is fed up with the whole dating thing.
ReplyDeleteI am guessing half the city is at this point, and you can count me amongst them.