Isn't that beautiful? That is lovely Santa Monica.
Too bad we're now in suck-ass DALLAS. This final leg of the journey has been a total fucking nightmare so far. So bad, in fact, that our hotel is comping our entire stay. Yeah, that's how much they fucked up. I am sleep deprived, jet lagged, and cranky. Thank God this is the last place I have to go, except for Philadelphia on Saturday for a wedding. Then when I return Sunday, I will be having a several day affair with my bed.
But, there is good news to report! In the less than 48 hours that I was back in DC for a board meeting, Dr. Nutrition and I had our sixth date. Yep, believe it or not, my crazy did not scare him off, at least not yet. He was even kind enough to come all the way to where I live in Arlington, and with a bottle of wine in hand to boot!
I tried really, really hard to rally like a champ, but I was still on West Coast time and feeling exhausted from the jet lag. We went to karaoke for an hour or so, and then headed back to my place. I realized how fucking crazy I'd been a few weeks ago to make up this story in my head that this guy had just stopped liking me. I guess when you don't see someone for several weeks though, it's easier to think that something is wrong. Nothing better than a little in person reassurance, if you know what I mean.
As we were spooning, I told him that I felt safe with him, and that I wasn't sure if that's a good thing. He said, "Quit judging yourself for your emotions." I retorted, "But what if it isn't safe!" And he said, "What if it is."
What if it is. The truth is, I don't know. My gut says it is. And I'd rather go for it then hold myself back from feeling something. Is there a way to go for it and still be careful?
You never know if you don't go for it. Honestly I said just leap.
ReplyDeleteAnd I miss you!
This reminds me of my guy, where in person is always so much better than otherwise. I wish I could get to a place where I felt safe inside me instead of trying to gauge if the circumstances were ok. Like, what if it's safe until it isn't? Maybe life is just like that and it's ok to try and fall and try again? sigh. I'm still figuring this out myself.
ReplyDeleteYes, you can. By realizing that kisses aren't contracts, presents aren't promises. And trusting that things work out as they're supposed to. People come into our lives for seasons, reasons or forever, and you never know which category anyone will fall under. You cannot go through life making decisions based on what the ultimate outcome of that relationship will be. If that were the case, we'd never have relationships! Because unless you're a psychic, you just don't know. Maybe you'll date this person for a couple of months and he'll end it. Maybe you'll date him for six months and you'll end it. Maybe you'll end up marrying him. Who knows? The one thing I do know, though, is that definitely it will not go anywhere if you don't put yourself out there. There's a difference between taking it slow but being completely open to whatever happens, and just diving into bed and thinking this is the one. You're being cautious...that's ok. But don't be so cautious and needy and afraid that it drives what could have been a good relationship into the ground. Take a leap of faith. What's the worst that can happen? You break up and feel bad. Well....as this experience has taught you, you WILL survive. But no guts, no glory.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Krysten, leap! Go for it. I mean, I know you were hurt badly by SLC and that would be enough for me to hesitate to get too serious, too soon. He does seem like a good guy and really, you never know unless you try.
ReplyDeleteMiss your posts! Come back, come back!
If you find out let me know! I want to think there's a way to guard your heart while still letting someone get close to you, but I'm not sure. I'm so glad things are going well with Dr. Nutrition!
ReplyDeletexx,
Delilah
Are you putting all eggs back into one basket? What happened to all the other dates you had lined up?
ReplyDelete@Krysten, Lifelessons,Stephany--I think I'm with you for the most part. It's scary but worthwhile.
ReplyDelete@me--Glad I'm not the only one! It's easier when you have some reassurance in person. But forced distance is a good thing for me, I'm finding.
@Delilah--if I figure it out, I'm writing a book and will make millions!
@beth--I do plan to at least go out on a few dates. I haven't been home long enough to schedule one yet, but I'll keep you posted. Right now all I want to do is catch up on sleep!
I'm glad you're back on track (and coming home soon, err, actually you should be back by now). You should absolutely do what your heart tells you to - just be yourself and don't second-guess your emotions, but pay attention to the cues you get, also. I still believe that dating other people is the best way to maintain that balance, but that's just my opinion. Hope things keep going well! :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a perfect answer: what if it is. I am starting to like this guy.
ReplyDelete