With SCL in his second week of class and me entering my third month of work, the speed of daily life is rapidly escalating. Only one night this week did I get home before 8:00, which happened to be the evening SCL had class until late. Most of the time I've been getting home closer to 9:00. It's exhausting for me to be out that late and frustrating to have little energy and time to give to our relationship when I do get home. We still haven't made it to the grocery store (minus a small trip SCL made yesterday). Life feels all out of whack at the moment, and we've got quite a weekend ahead of us: hosting a friend this evening, Rosh Hoshanah dinner tomorrow, and I've got a brunch on Sunday.
*yawn* I'm ready to go home, yo.
In some ways, this is how I like to be: busy, involved, and on the move. The other times I've been like this, though, I was single. If I got home at 10, ate some ice cream, and went straight to bed, it didn't bother anyone. But now it feels like I'm cheating myself, SCL, and our relationship when I get home too exhausted to really even talk.
I guess this is how real life is. I would love to be able to divvy up my time equally, but as a wise person told me a few years back, this is just ridiculous and impractical. I have to remember that just because this week was so crazy doesn't mean next week will be, much less "forever." There's an ebb and flow to being busy. Some weeks I can handle it better, others I can't. And I need to quit putting so much damn pressure on myself to do things perfectly or by the book. SCL isn't expecting me to be, so why should I expect it of myself?
Perfectionism, and thus the fear of screwing up, is the biggest oppressor. Time to get this monkey off my back.
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