Reflections on 1929, 2001, and 2009

It's definitely a day for remembering and reflecting. My grandfather was born September 11, 1929. He would've been 80 years old. Honestly, the main reason I remembered was because his birthday is ingrained in my memory after 9-11-09. I had just started college. My roommate's father was flying that day. I can't believe it's been 8 years.

Tomorrow it will have been two months since SCL and I moved into our apartment together. Here's what I've learned so far.

Cohabitation, though an unsexy word indeed, is incredibly fun, challenging, and seemingly way less counter cultural than I thought. When I meet people now who don't live with their significant others, I think, "Aw, I hope you get to someday soon because it's really, really great." If it's the right person, of course.

Sharing has never been my strong suit. I'm the baby of the family and the only girl, so I'm not used to having to share much. I can't help that my brothers never wanted to play with my Barbies, My Little Ponies, or ballet costumes! Sometimes when I see SCL with a snack I love, I immediately go into panic mode that there won't be enough for me, too. I need to chillax and realize he can have whatever he wants because he lives there, too. Seriously, the lessons we learn as small children are really all we need to know.

Grocery shopping is surprisingly a great bonding activity for us. We're a team, trying to get in and out as fast as we can and with a low bill.

The little things, like having breakfast together in the morning and watching our favorite shows while snuggling on the couch, are the highlights of my day. I try not to take them for granted.

Having personal space is key to maintaining a sense of self. Even if it's something as small as a closet or as big as a room, find your own space.

Speak up when something is bothering you. It helps no one to internalize your feelings until you explode. (I am good at this at home, not so much at work. I'm working on it.)

Continue to date your partner. Make time to go out, have fun, and live it up like you did before you moved in together.

Be silly together. SCL is pretty much the only one I'm a complete goof in front of, and I find this to be incredibly comforting, reassuring, and sacred. It's a side of myself that only he gets to see, which is so cool. Sometimes he doesn't appear to be amused by my antics, but I know that he loves my in spite of and perhaps even a little because of my goofiness.

What lessons have you learned from living together?


  1. Great reflection post! Co-habitation (or living in sin as my grandma called for years!) is so nice. I do feel like when we meet couples that don't live together I wanna tell them to start NOW cause it's great. It's nice to share a life with someone you care about, and in our case eventually married. my lessons:

    -Space is good. Great that you mentioned that

    -Fight, it's okay! Don't let people tell you not to fight or never go to bed angry. That's just not normal, you probably fought with your brothers or sisters when you were little and this will be no different (weird ref I know, but I'm just trying to say when you live with someone for so long it's gonna happen). You will argue and then you will talk it out and learn to compromise!

    -do something just cause! like record his favorite show if he's out of town, or buy her flowers b/c you saw them. It's nice and it shows that you still treasure your relationship. I guess what I'm saying is never take the other for granted just because "you're not married"

  2. Thanks, Science Gal! You're totally right about fighting; it's not an indication that something is wrong in the relationship but that the relationship is normal. (Love your blog, btw. Good to get a PhD student's perspective on the process!)