I was told, on another blog (and on this one at one point), that I write a boring blog. I suppose it was meant to be an insult, but I didn't receive it that way. In part, I have to kind of agree: my blog is not all that interesting as of late. And believe it or not, I'm actually kind of happy about that.
A few months ago I was blogging daily, getting tons of hits, and receiving loads of comments. Ah, those were the days. Except for the fact that I was dealing with terrible heartache. While it was a temporary ego-boost to have more readers and to have new comments every time I logged into blogger, sadly that didn't make things in real life any less shitty. If I had to choose between having a lot of blog readers and not feeling shitty, guess which one I'd pick. The same applies to being subjected to horribly awkward first dates. Fun to blog about, not fun to endure. Plus you've already got Katie blowing that shit out of the water. .
Sitting in therapy today, I struggled to find anything over the last week that I felt was in need of serious conversation. Strangely, the same thing had happened at last week's session, too. At first I felt like this was because I hadn't been reflecting on my life enough (self-judgment), but then I saw that it has simply been a time of...normalcy. Took me awhile to recognize it. Sure, the remnants of homesickness are still there, as are the ever-passing thoughts of moving somewhere else, but I'm not longer feeling like I'm in some inescapable abyss that I'll never pull out of. And contrary to my own belief that I have to work really hard to get anywhere with anything, I didn't have to do shit to get out of it other than wait and accept that was where I was. It was in the not-doing that I was lifted out. Who knows if I'll find myself back there next week or next month, but for now, I'm out. That is something to give thanks for.
Maybe my life is boring. Or maybe it's actually just what life looks like when the storm has exhausted itself and the calm and stillness set in. After the ups and downs of the last few months, I'm grateful for this unfamiliar peace. I'm grateful that the excitement in my life is coming through attending a counter-protest in yesterday's freezing cold weather, getting interviewed by a news website, Christmas shopping for my Star Wars-obsessed nephew, celebrating my friend's retirement, and eating sweet potato latkes for the first time. Non-boy related things, things I typically don't talk about in my blog. Things I keep within my own heart and my community in real life.
Maybe it's boring to read about. But it's sweet to live it. And really, that's all that matters to me.
P.S. You still have time to enter my giveaway!
Love the line: "It was in the not-doing that I was lifted out." So true. Glad to hear youre doing better. Cheers, T.ReplyDelete
Hon it sounds like things are GOOD. And that is a good place to be in.ReplyDelete
Yay for life being boring!
Life is never boring as long as you're living it. I'm glad things are calm these days though. You needed a break from all that drama.ReplyDelete
I might be a little strange but... I find reading about the return to happiness and a less anxiety ridden existence interesting and inspiring to read. You taken risks to put yourself out there, take a chance on an old relationship, take a chance with new men, and learn what you want and what will make you happy. Some people are just attracted to drama but constantly living out that drama is not really healthy for a real person... I wonder if people are forgetting (or not caring) that you are a real person and not a character on some drama or edited "reality" show. It's inspiring to me that you are choosing your own self worth and happiness over the need to please people who read your blog with some dramatic event that is painful to you. :)ReplyDelete
When I'm happy, my blog suffers, too. ;) Enjoy it!ReplyDelete
Half the time I honestly want to yell at people who say they're living vicariously through me. GO MAKE FRIENDS!!!!ReplyDelete
Anyway I actually know you in real life and can definitively say that you're awesome, and HATERS GON' HATE. Fuck 'em.
DateMeDC took the words right out of my mouth. I can't believe someone actually told you that your blog is boring. First of all, it's not. And second, I can't believe someone spent the energy to tell you that. If you don't like it, don't read it. But there's no need to be a jerk.ReplyDelete
I'm glad life is boring for you. You've had enough "excitement" lately. Enjoy the boring.
::sputter:: BORING?? YOU? WHa--?ReplyDelete
I don't understand.
However, let me point out: boring people are bored.
Also, if by "boring" they meant that they can tell you've found a sense of peace, well awesome then. I want to be boring too.
i like the blog. not boring at all :)ReplyDelete