Roller-coaster of Love

Let me say how much I enjoy reading all of your comments from both of yesterday's posts (Tweedlecrazy and Tweedlecrazier). Pretty much all of them resonate with some part of me, all the way from "He's a liar!" to "See, you shouldn't have sent that crazy email!" to "Maybe you should discuss this with him." I think you are all the innumerable voices that live in my head and torment/comfort me.

Here's the real deal. After Wednesday/Thursday cuddlefest/sleepover with Dr. Nutrition, I felt pretty overwhelmed with the lovie dovies and fell into my usual pattern of clinging. When I'm feeling a beautiful boy I tend to want to minimize space and time apart, and just spend countless days laying around in one another's arms. See how this is a little problematic on about a billion levels? Especially for people who want to have, you know, lives? I am a sucker for romance (or maybe it's just lust) and just can't seem to contain myself. I had the same issue with SCL where I set up a pattern of being the one to initiate our time together, and then I got resentful when he wouldn't take the initiative. Nice little trap I set up for myself there.

In truth I didn't give Dr. Nutrition much of a chance to initiate communication because I was too busy doing it. So, really how frustrated could I get that he hadn't texted or called when I wasn't giving him the space to? So, on Sunday I decided to just lay off. And when he didn't call on Sunday or by Monday evening, I got a little more antsy and called him--and proceeded to get royally pissed when I didn't hear back on what I felt was a reasonable timeline. At that point I had already constructed a narrative in my head of exactly what happened, all of which was about my own insecurities and imperfections. This, my boss informed me today after I spilled my guts, is a form of narcissism.

Shut the front door! I'm a narcissist? A girl who writes a blog all about herself is a narcissist? I guess in my mind a narcissist is an arrogant, proud person but in a broader sense, she's right. When something goes wrong, I assume it's all about me. And this was no exception.

The tipping point for me really was the unreturned phone call because I had been so direct--I haven't heard from you, what's going on. So I immediately jumped to the conclusion that this was a deliberate blow-off (it fit into my constructed narrative of him not liking me quite nicely) and then lashed out via email. So, when he did return my call (a response to my phone call, not my crazy-ass email), I felt like a total schmuck, not because I was pissed about him not returning my call earlier (justified) but that I had assumed that he would not return it period because he was an asshole. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

His reason for not returning my call might be sorta lame--"my phone died and I didn't get your message until now, I was helping my grandma move into an assisted living facility"--but it's not as bad as I what I was thinking--that he had totally changed his mind about me. It's never as bad as I think it's going to be, and it's never nearly as much about me as I'd like to think. Was he flaky not to be in touch? Yes. Was it a screw-up? Yes. Was it a deal-breaker for the potential that we have in dating? No.

Luckily, I'm about to head out of town for the next two and a half weeks, giving time for me to regain my composure and perspective. It'll prevent me from diving into anything too quickly with Dr. Nutrition or anyone for that matter. And hopefully I'll come back a relatively sane, if not totally exhausted, woman.

11 comments:

  1. YAY! I knew Dr. Nutrition was a good one. :)

    I think it's great that you're going away for 2.5 weeks. I was going to suggest taking a break (at least to quiet your mind, lol!) because it seems like you need one. These 2.5 weeks will be great for you to figure out what you want out of this relationship. ...but no Mr. Navy repeats, 'kay? ;)

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  2. So happy all is well! =D I love the way you're learning and sharing! Good & Bad! Have a great trip.

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  3. First off, I apologize for being anonymous, as I know that can be annoying, but I cannot for the life of me figure out how to do it any other way other than signing up with some of the options they give you, which I don't want to do right now because my computer is tres horrible and slow, so I don't want to download anything else (like AIM, for example). I will figure it all out when I get my new one.

    Anyhoo....


    Girrrrl....you have GOT to get a grip! Or you're going to blow this thing, ya hear me?!!!! I get why you're doing this, or at least I think I do. You're still reeling from the rejection by SCL, even if it's just a quiet sort of reeling, if you know what I mean. You're not walking around shell-shocked like in the early days post-breakup, but it really has only been a few months, so there could certainly be a lot of stuff going on on a feelings level. So...here comes Dr. Nutrition, and you like him, and ding...ding...ding...your guard goes up and you're feeling very insecure. OF COURSE YOU ARE!!!!! Why? Because you were in love with SCL. You had planned on marrying SCL. He wasn't some guy you were seeing but not sure you really loved him....he was the person you had deemed "the one". Personally, I think there's no way you're ready for a relationship yet. That's just me. Maybe you're different. But I see rebound all over it, and very rarely do those things work out. On the other hand, I guess they do sometimes, so who knows. All I do know is that you've got to just chillax. Let this thing take it's natural course. It's not like you've been hot and heavy for a month and he just disappeared. You've had a few dates, and only a couple that seemed like they were a little more intimate. Was it a little thoughtless to have not contacted you? Sure, I grant you that. But I just don't think it was that big of a transgression. You two just aren't "there" yet. And, really, think about it...you were just out with someone else not that long ago. Two weeks? So have fun, live your life, enjoy getting to know this guy better, let nature take it's course and stop letting this throw you in a tizzy. Because you have absolutely NO control over his actions. He's either into you or he's not, and only time will tell. And even if it should end up that he's not that into you....you will still be fine. There will be someone else who is. You're young. It may not seem that way when you look around and see others your age marrying off and having babies. But trust me, it is. In fact, of all the people I knew who got married in their 20's, there are very few that remain so now. Very few. Not sure what that means exactly, but I have my theories of which "too young" is one of them. The bottom line is that you have plenty of time. Don't be in such a hurry to find "him". He will come. If you take the time to just let it happen, you will avoid the whole rebound thing and not find yourself "x" amount of time down the road just not that into him.

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  4. I've been there. Exactly there. Total clinger right here. And as much as you try to tell yourself not to be you get to that point where you can't help yourself and next thing you know you look like a crazy person. And then you're mad at yourself for giving in and telling yourself you should have just waited a bit longer.

    I learned through my relationship with my husband that the best course of action is to be honest and up front. I know sometimes that's easier said than done but in the long run a guy is going to appreciate that a lot more than games, ya know?

    Life is too short. I think you're doing the best that you can. Hopefully this time away will give you some perspective!

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  5. Keep us posted about what happens!! It'll be great to get away and unwind for a bit!!

    Before you go...check out your blog award here...

    http://daterview.blogspot.com/2010/09/like-hundred-kisses.html

    Congrats!

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  6. Well bloggers in general tend to be a bit on the narcissistic side,but I wouldn't call your feelings of self doubt when Dr. nutrition didn't call you back narcissistic.

    I think you were just being a girl. All of us estrogen infested beings are guilty of over analyzing those situations. It happens to the best of us.

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  7. Ohh I have been there. Freshman year of college I wrote a novel to a guy and it was probably the best thing I've ever done just b/c it taught me to just relax and go with things. Just be yourself and have fun getting to know him!

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  8. I think, maybe, it's worth noting that if this relationship with Dr. Nutrition ever does fall through, that's okay too. I mean, you're just getting off a serious, baggage-heavy relationship. If you do something wrong, if he does something wrong, it's all just experience as part of not being a part of that old situation with SCL.

    ...and there's not really much wrong with a Mr. Navy repeat.

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  9. Nothing like a little distance to make a girl less crazy. I feel *almost* normal again. Thanks for hanging with me, everyone!

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  10. Yup, been there, done that. It's easy to freak out about what it means when a guy doesn't call back right away, especially when you're in the "just getting to know you" phase of the relationship. But you're right: some time away and I'm sure you'll see that his intentions are pure and that he's not trying to blow you off. I'm sure everything will work out with this Dr. Nutrition guy--he sounds like a good man! Keep us posted!!

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  11. Turkey changed me forever with 'Knowing you can have something takes the wind out of your sails.' Now I'm the one who doesn't call back for days--not because I'm trying not to, but because I've really been changed. It was all just life experience, so unfortunately I can't give any advice on how to be less clingy, besides getting your heart broken a dozen times :)

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