Wedding Dress Weekend

Our good friends L and J got engaged about a month ago, and I was thrilled when L called to ask if I'd join her for a weekend of wedding dress shopping. Um, of course! It's given me an actual reason to look at bridal gowns online and watch episodes of "Say Yes to the Dress." I did both of these things before, but now I have a very good excuse: research.

It's so cute to see them both so happy, and I have to give J a lot of credit because last night he was watching the shows right there with us. He doesn't seem at all bored or annoyed by any of it, the way that some men can be. None of this "I'll just show up, you do this rest" nonsense. They are really modeling partnership in the decisions they're making.

It's really nice to have friends striving to have the same kind of partnership that SCL and I work towards.

Now it's time for lots of pouf, sparkle, and lace!


  1. I too commend your friend J for being involved in the process. A lot of men disengage from activities like event planning, whether it’s a wedding, birthday or other party. I truly think men need to learn to pay attention to detail and organize an event.

    For me, being able to shop for my wife has given us something to do together. Yes, you read that right. I can go in a store and typically find her the perfect dress.

    This is something all men should learn to do: match body shape with cut; material color with complexion, season and hair; and check material for durability.

    But I would like to pose a question. Some men are really bad at this kind of thing and don't want to learn. I personally think it would be better for that type of guy to just say straight up: "this isn't my thing; y'all have fun; we can meet up in a few hours when you are done."

    What are your thoughts on if a guy really hates the attention to detail just he be forced to learn it or should his partner accept that and not include him?

  2. I don't think event planning or attention to detail is every woman's strength either. Putting any kind of event together is stressful, and a wedding involves all kinds of external expectations from family, faith community, etc. Expecting one person to carry the burden of it isn't fair. Neither is it fair for one party to make all the major decisions and exclude the other's feelings (i.e. being a control freak). One of the reasons I think my friends are doing so well together with the process is because they've figured out what they want as a couple. It's totally them--the city, the venue, the reception, etc.

    But what you are pointing to is a bigger issue of compromise. What does my relationship gain by me doing something for my partner that I'm not particularly good at doing but that s/he wants me to do? I think it's less about learning a particular skill than it is about being a supportive partner. It's great that you can help your wife find a dress because that means that you know her--not just fashion--well. For me, I continue to try Indian cuisine because it's an important thing to my partner. Do I love it? No. Does he appreciate it? Yes.

    Picking the important moments to step out of one's comfort zone is key.

  3. Agreed N-S! (PS it was great to see you!)

    This whole "wedding planning" business is pretty new terrain for both of us. It has been wonderful to have a partner in this process as we figure out together what will be the best fit for us and those we love. I must say neither of us have mastered any skills thus far, and both of us have needed to be flexible in learning new things. (Talking with caterers? Coordinating hotel rooms? Figuring out where "Save the Dates" can be printed? all pretty new terrain for us.) As we craft this service and celebration of our partnership, I am so grateful for his thoughtful, caring, engaged support.