I've been in what has felt like a permanent funk lately, one I've excused as being tired from the move, tired from being gone so much for work, adjusting to this new stage with SCL.
But I was just journaling and it came to me: I miss SCL and I'm unhappy without him. Yes, we see each other often, but we don't share our life in the way that we used to. I miss making coffee together. I miss hearing him take a shower. I miss having a joint bank account and budgeting together. I even miss the laborious task of doing both of our laundry, lugging it down to the basement of our building and walking up and down the stairs to take it out of the wash and into the dryer. I miss having a kitchen together filled with things that belonged to us both.
I don't like living in a random house in a random room with random roommates. I want to live with SCL.
How do I adjust to this level of dissatisfaction in my relationship? How do I find satisfaction in circumstances that are unsatisfactory to me? I do feel like this, like all things, is for a season and is no way a permanent situation. And I do feel like this is a time when I need to exercise patience with SCL. This is part of being in a partnership.
But I do miss living together a lot. It hurts my heart.