I've been trying to put myself in my friends' shoes with regard to Carolina Man, but it's really been a struggle. I get the fact that for those who care for me most, what's most important to them is that I not suffer needless heartache again. They've warned me against moving too fast, urging me to be cautious (though when I ask "what does that mean?" they can't tell me) and to get to know him better before I make any big decisions.
But last night I ran out of patience. I was talking to my very best friend, and I snapped at her when she told me to be careful. "What does that even mean?" I snarled. And when I mentioned moving to North Carolina, she said, "Well, you'd be moving into your own place, right?" Earlier in the week when I told my good friend from college about how strong my feelings for Carolina Man are, he rolled his eyes and said, "You always do this." Always do this? It hurt to have my happiness cast aside as hopeless romanticism, as just another leap into the abyss of future disappointment. It was almost as if he was saying, "Haven't you learned by now?"
I want to scream, "You don't even know him! How can you judge someone you've never even met? And for God's sake people, can't you fucking trust me on this one?"
I was nearly in tears when I picked up the phone and called the most trustworthy voice of reason in my life, my mom. I told her how frustrated I was feeling about my friends' doubting reactions to my newfound happiness. "I know they want what's best for me, but why can't they just trust me on this?"
And this is why my mom rocks so much. She said, "Sweet girl, I have known you your whole life. I've always told you that when you met the right person, you would know instantly. I have never heard you talk about anyone the way you've talked about Carolina Man. And I trust you."
She said many more helpful, affirming things about my maturity and self-awareness, but what meant most to me in our talk was that she said she trusted me to know that this is right.
I want my friends to fall in love with Carolina Man. I'm hopeful that once they meet him and see us interact, they will. But, at the same time, my confidence in our relationship is based primarily in my own gut feelings and experience of him. My top priority is ensuring we have as much time as possible to get to know each other and experience each other in different settings, which is why I'll be driving down to North Carolina for five days this week. I can't wait.
Trust me on this one, friends. I know quality when I see it. And in time, I'm certain you'll see it, too.
well i understand your friends, they do not want you to get hurt, so they are just being cautious and protective of you. appreciate them, cuz its out of love they are voicing their concerns, the easier thing to do would be to keep quiet and keep their thoughts to themselves.ReplyDelete
I understand you too. I mean, you are an adult, its your life and your decision, so i'l say go for it
I would always say what is love if it isnt worth falling straight and neck deep unconsciously into. it is always worth the risk.
Enjoy your trip and live it up.
Yes! I am qualitizzay, I got quality in my bones, I ate quality for breakfast. When your friends meet me they will be overwhelmed with the quality of my quality; they'll drop down on their knees and beg you to forgive them for not trusting you. They'll shower us with gifts of apology. It's gonna be great.ReplyDelete
My thoughts on this topic: I love you more than I've ever loved anyone and nothing is going to change that. I say that with absolute certainty and joy. I deeply want acceptance from our friends and family but, like you said, they'll get it when they see how happy we are together. And if they don't...screw em!!
Lol I'm giggling over Carolina Man's first paragraph. I like him already ;-)ReplyDelete
I am like you. When I know I know. It's easy to fall someone when it just clicks into place. I think you've had experiences that have helped you see what is good for you and what is bad for you. So I think it's pretty easy for you to judge this situation with clear eyes.
I for one am happy for you. And life wouldn't be life if we didn't take risks now and again. Sure, there's always a chance to get your heart broken. However, holding yourself back from something that you want to give your whole heart to can hurt you too.
I'm happy for you. I want you to be happy. You deserve that. So I'm not going to tell you to go slow because you could get hurt. I'm going to tell you to go after what your heart wants. Life is too short.
Love ya lady!
I can understand your frustration. I can also understand your friends' want to protect you.ReplyDelete
And Moms are awesome. I glad yours had just the right words to make you feel better.
I see where your friends are coming from, they had to pick up the pieces with all the other gentlemen. It is important to get past the early honeymoon stage before fully introducing your love interest to friends and family. I have found that they hear you out more when you say, yea...we have been "talking" "dating" etc for X amount of time and I have taken from my past experience and I see that this man is different (sorry about the long sentence).ReplyDelete
They mean you well, they are just making sure you are sure. Sometimes I give my friends the harsh comments to gauge their true feelings. When they become extra defensive, I know that they are definitely not sure. When they are unusually calm or reassuring, then I know they have thought it through (I hope I am making some kind of sense).
I am happy for the both of you and I hope you take the time to really assess the man from a logical standpoint. If he meets the criteria then by all means fall and fall hard.
Was that missing post about his trip to DC?! I am SOOOO behind & I am trying to catch up! he sounds amazing! SO SO SO very happy for you =DReplyDelete
I think it makes sense for your friends to urge you to be cautious. After all, two weeks ago, you were still blogging angry posts about your ex. I know what it's like to meet the right guy and just KNOW and wish that your whole life together could start yesterday. There is still something to be said for being practical. Making a big decision like moving to a new place two weeks(!!!) after you've met someone and a month after you received a blow regarding your ex...if any of your friends were in the same situation, wouldn't you tell them to slow down? I don't think it's specifically an issue with you. I would tell anyone I know not to make any huge decisions like that until they've had a little more time to adjust.ReplyDelete
I think it's awesome that you've found a great guy, and I do believe what you've found is genuine and has excellent long-term potential. I encourage you to indulge in this and to enjoy it and not to sabotage it with doubt and distrust of your own emotions. At the same time, I urge you not to rush this. You've been hurt so many times and so deeply, and you've finally found someone who is a salve for that pain and seems to be the opposite of what you've experienced in the past. Of course you are excited and anxious to lock it down! Of course you want that to be in your life immediately and all the time and forever. Who wouldn't?
Any time you experience big emotional swings, though, it's worth giving everything to swing more back to neutral before you make any major life decisions. I mean, you were deeply hurt before. The high you are feeling is even higher because it's such a stark contrast to how unhappy you were before. It's worth letting the dust settle a little before you make HUGE life choices. It doesn't mean you have to think you are wrong for feeling what you feel or that you shouldn't trust Carolina Man or that what you have found isn't real. It just means...you don't have to rush. If it's real, trust me, it's not going anywhere.