This Old Apartment

"Can I stay over?" It felt like a silly question for SCL to ask me, seeing as how this is still technically his apartment. 

 

We had both had full days--he'd been with his family in Maryland, and I'd been painting and prepping for my own big move in about two weeks. We'd only seen each other a few hours here and there over the weekend, something that we're still trying to get used to. A few months ago the weekend was definitely time that we shared together, usually in our apartment playing Mario Kart and drinking wine. 

I didn't sleep well next to SCL. Part of me was kind of excited that he was there (we haven't slept in the same bed for months now), and part of me just wasn't used to him anymore. Isn't that crazy? For nearly two years we've shared the same bed practically every night, and after less than two months of separation, nearly all of that familiarity was gone. 

I admitted to him that at first I'd enjoyed having the bed to myself. I tend to be a semi-violent sleeper, tossing and turning and talking in my sleep and (accidentally) hitting SCL in the face. But just last week as I was drifting off, I realized how lonely it felt to fall asleep alone. I missed falling asleep next to SCL's warmth and his occasional soft snoring. 

SCL's been so big about having his space, demarcated particularly by his sleeping in his own bed, that I was pretty surprised he wanted to stay with me in our old apartment. I think it was partly that he didn't feel like walking home, but there was a part of him that was reminiscing about the time we'd had together in this space. For both of us, despite the ups and downs, we have fond memories of this place. It's going to be bittersweet giving it up. 

I wonder if we'll ever share a space together again.