Fabulous Friday

So, yes, I'm bummed. I'm heartbroken. Blah blah. That is not all that's going on with me. Remember I have a kick ass job? A kick ass job that gets me really cool opportunities? Check this out. In just a few minutes I'll be leaving to go to a meeting in the (wait for it)---WHITE HOUSE. That's right! I got an invitation for a young women's outreach meeting hosted by the Office of Public Engagement and Office on Women and Girls. I've never been in the White House, not even for a tour, so this is super, super cool news. By far the coolest DC thing I've been invited to yet.

So, go me! Wahoo! It's really wonderful to have fun things to look forward to and do in the middle of all this crappy stuff.

Feminism and Difficult Choices

"Feminism is not simply about making sure women have choice. Feminism is the work of making sure that the hard choice do not fall disproportionately to women."
--My brilliant feminist friend L

I love having smart, articulate friends who just *bam* hit me with brilliance. Defining feminism is one of those things we feminists love to sit around and argue about, and we usually agree to disagree and continue on working for justice. But, when I got this in my inbox yesterday, I found myself saying, "Yes, yes, yes!"

I do believe there is such a thing as being paralyzed by possibilities. When I was graduating from graduate school, I heard a resounding, "You're young! You can do anything, anywhere you want!" Does it not occur to those who says such things that not having parameters can be terrifying? It is isolating, overwhelming, and exhausting to try to review endless possibilities.

Progressive women (and men) are striving for new models of relationship, career, and family, turning the more traditional roles on their heads and using their creativity to arrive at new solutions. Things like job sharing, hyphenated or combined last names, and referring to one's partner as "partner" are all evidence of this. But it doesn't mean that it's easy to move into new models. And, when the new model fails, someone bears the brunt of the breakdown.

In the corporate world, there's still a lot of work to be done in terms of equalizing responsibility and access for women and men. For instance, I work at a women's rights organization, but just yesterday my co-worker wastold she has to use vacation time to attend a parent-teacher conference, something that is not a problem for other co-workers. What kind of model for "healthy family" are we setting? At the same time, I think I am guilty of holding women's organizations to a higher standard when really all organizations should appreciate the value of family and life outside of the office. AND, employees should experience an office culture in which is it is acceptable for both men and women to take advantage of a family leave policy.

Why should women be the ones advocating for these options when they benefit everyone?

"When I Was Your Age" and Other Reflections on "Supervising" An Intern

One thing I think many of us can agree on is that we sure do like to glamorize our earlier days, don't we? I'd like to think that in my first internship, I was fired up, ready to go, sharp as a knife, and absorbent like a sponge (in terms of learning things, duh). I picture myself a spunky, energetic, and dependable worker, happy to take on mass mailings and other menial tasks. Even just writing that makes me realize how ridiculous that is.

Let's face it. Being an intern is hard. Working for a cool organization, or at least one with a cool reputation, while doing stuff like mailings and answering phones is not very fun. You're the bottom of the totem pole. But until today I never really realized just how important they are. Today I began working with a new intern who is (wait for it) taking on some of my work! That's right; I'm able to ask someone else to help me! At work!

There is, of course, a downside to this wonderful thing called interns. Most of them have never worked in an office, or if they did, they don't remember much from it. All you have to do is say the words "mail merge" and you'll be looking at one scared intern. And believe me, nothing is more painful than walking through the process of mail merge with another human being. Damn, I hate just doing it myself, but having to go step-by-step through it multiple times? It's like a slow and painful death.

But, here is a great opportunity for me to learn some things about how to manage another person, how to be a good resource, and most importantly, how to be patient with a young person making her way in the world.

Authentic Feminism, Not Fear

With little on my to-do list (an odd occurrence in this office, or so I’ve been told) I came across this charming piece on a not-so-charming display of chauvinistic dumbass-ery at its finest. Honest to goodness I wish I could say this was satire, but no one at AskMen is clever enough to be satirical. I’m left wondering, who reads this shit (besides feminists who are blogging in reaction)?

My second thought is that I’m so glad to have found a responsible, mature, and supportive partner who is practically as feminist as I am. I feel lucky. But why should I feel lucky? Why shouldn’t the expectation be that men be sensitive to issues of gendering? Why should it be so rare to find a person who wants to be in a partnership rather than a traditional gendered relationship?

Of course not all women want partnership either, so I guess SCL should be glad that he found me, too!

Being in partnership requires more work, I think. For one, I know I have to constantly combat the way I have been cultured to behave—as well as fight against my feminist impulse to embody the polar opposite of that societal norm.

Take cooking for example. When my mom got divorced, the act of cooking was a painful reminder of her unhappy marriage, so she simply quit doing it. We’d go out, we’d make sandwiches, we’d eat ice cream for dinner—anything but cook a real meal. I, in turn, picked this up and ran with it, not to mention that my mom didn’t teach me how to make anything. When I got to college and dated someone who loved cooking, I was immediately put off by the idea. Rather than admitting the truth (that I didn’t know how and was afraid to try), I claimed it was symbolic of my mother’s oppression as a stay-at-home wife and mom, and I refused to do it. Sounds silly now.

SCL and I love to cook. I’ve gotten into trying new recipes, and we’ve starting adding little odds and ends to our kitchen collection, which absolutely thrills me now. I love it because we do it together, we share, we take turns, and we enjoy each other while we do it. One of the things I’m most looking forward to is having a shared kitchen where we can try different recipes and invite friends over for one of our (soon to be famous) bacon and mashed potato pizza.

I hope the fear of the unknown doesn't prevent me or others from trying something new--like a new kind of relationship. It's totally worth the risk of failure.