Parenthood, Three Months In

Carolina Man and I had our little girl in October. Can I just say she's just about the yummiest, cutest little thing that there ever was?

It's easy to say that now that we're several months in and the early days of sleep deprivation and postpartum discomfort feel farther and farther away with each passing day. I swear, there must be a biological form of amnesia that kicks in to make you forget how difficult caring for a newborn baby really is. Otherwise as a species we would probably be extinct by now.

What continues to amaze me is how incredibly connected I am to my daughter. Connected is not even close to conveying the gravitational pull I feel toward her. It's not intentional or even conscious. It just is. It's my new reality.

At night I sleep with heavy duty earplugs while Carolina Man listens for the baby on the monitor. I cannot tell you how many times I have woken up out of a dead sleep when she just begins to stir, when she hasn't even begun to cry for me to feed her. It's the wildest thing to be that tuned into another human being.

And yet, I struggle with it, too. At times I think how much I want a break from this connection--to be able to sleep without worrying about this little creature, to be able to go out with friends and not think about her needs for an hour or so. But I know that even if I had the opportunity, I wouldn't take it. The connection is part of who I am.

I think I'm beginning to understand the struggle of parents, especially mothers, to let their children go. How do you let go of part of who you are?

Being the Easter Bunny

As the youngest of my family, I got spoiled with many post-childhood years of things like Santa Claus gifts and visits from the Easter Bunny. In fact, these rituals continued well into college as my mom struggled with her empty nest. Then my nephew was born, and it all went out the window. Damn kid.

I get it. These holiday rituals go from getting as a kid to giving as an adult, but what about in the in between when you're a childless adult?

Behold the return of the Easter bunny, at least in our house. Carolina Man and I decided to give each other Easter baskets, which ranks up there as one of the best ideas of all time. It's a gift to have a partner who gets excited about silly things like this, and is just as excited to put together a basket for me as he was to get his.

Highlights of my basket: a 4-lb bag of Starburst jellybeans; Real Simple wedding planning book; Toy Story 3 in 3D! Highlights of his basket: a new workout shirt; Cadbury chocolate eggs; and more peanut butter chocolate eggs than you've ever seen. 

The only trouble is that we're both on a health kick (down 10 lbs and 7 lbs respectively!), so the abundance of candy options presented a problem. We took different approaches (I bought a little, he bought a lot), but I've been amazed by the restraint we've both shown. Granted it's required stuffing it all into a shoebox that is under a number of other things in our pantry, but despite working from home with the knowledge that there is candy galore available at all times, I haven't touched a single piece before 8 pm. You have no idea how amazing this is.

But, I just loved that we reclaimed the fun of the holiday for ourselves. We sipped on mimosas, made brunch, and watched TV. It was the perfect day. Isn't it fun to have your own family and do whatever the hell you want?

April flowers bring me happiness

Happy April, everyone! Have you gotten fooled by anyone? Let me just say how annoying I find the whole April Fools' Day thing, probably because it's too reminiscent of growing up in a house with two older brothers--where everyday was an opportunity to trick me.

But, wedding planning is no joke! Carolina Man and I are moving right along. Believe it or not, we managed to book both our photographer and our florist in the same weekend. Sometimes things just work out that smoothly and easily.

Flowers are not a number one--or even a top five--priority for us. We see them as a way to accent the celebration, but not as the focal point. So, when we found a florist who grows all of her own flowers in her backyard garden and specializes in more understated, yet beautiful arrangements, we knew we had found the one.

Here are some samples she sent us this week.

We are going to use pin-lighting in our reception room, so we wanted something with a lot of glass to reflect the light back. I love the simplicity and sleekness of these, and how no one will have their view blocked at the table. I'm thinking of asking her to maybe put some other blooms on the mirror, so it doesn't look as stark.

And I just love this bouquet! It's beautiful, and the colors go together so well.

What do you think?

Weddomg: First Thoughts on a Budget

I just discovered while trying to type wedding that if you misplace your right hand on the keyboard by one row of keys to the right that you instead type "weddomg," which I find totally appropriate on many levels. "Weddomg" is a perfect description about how everyone, including myself, goes somewhat, if not entirely, batshit crazy at the mention of a wedding. So, I'm thinking that at least some of my wedding-related posts will be labeled "Weddomg," particularly those that relate to my own craziness or the craziness of others. Today I'll talk about wedding budget craziness, even before we have spent a single penny.

Carolina Man and I are now in the very preliminary stages of wedding planning, i.e. we're going to look at a venue, we're putting together a draft guest list, and we're generally thinking of what time of year we're going to plan for. Oh yeah, and we're piecing together a wedding budget. If you want to make yourself insane in a matter of minutes, start looking at how much weddings cost on average. You'll probably shit yourself and/or start crying.

Even as a newbie, I can say that there's a whole lot to putting together a wedding budget, and there's a helluva lot of unknowns when you haven't begun looking into all of the vendors you'll need. But, we do know approximately how much our venue will be per person, how much the ceremony will be, and for the rest of it, I just googled average costs of wedding shit and put the numbers into a spreadsheet. The amount I saw before my eyes was somewhat shocking. A preliminary estimation of our wedding was about $25K. *gulp*

And then I wasn't so shocked. Weddings are expensive, yo. We knew that going into this. It's about what we'd said we wanted to spend from the beginning, and it's an amount that we can afford to pay out of pocket, if we are able to save as we anticipate (and as he and I both have been saving since we first began our relationship).  Yes, it's an awful lot to spend on "one day," but let's be clear here. Celebrations of life and love are important. And I feel as long as we aren't going into debt, nor are we using all of our savings, then we can feel guilt-free in our spending on a day where we'll gather with loved ones to celebrate the new stage of our relationship.

But you got to prioritize. Here are some of the things we care about:

• Beautiful, convenient location
• Meaningful, personal ceremony
• Looking good
• Delicious food
• Ease of use (i.e. having an all-inclusive package)
• Awesome pictures 
• Unique honeymoon

The things we care less about:

• Having everyone we've ever known there (we're thinking 50-60 people)
• Favors (probably won't have them)
• Tradition
• Having a huge bridal party (probably will have a Best Man and a Best Woman because I hate the phrase"Maid of Honor")
• DJ
• Flowers 
• Having a theme
• Invitations
• Putting on a show for our guests 

So, if these priorities stay the same, we know we want to spend most of our energy and probably finances on the location, the clothing and rings, the food, the photographer, and the honeymoon. 

Yesterday I was still feeling nervous that our designated monthly savings wouldn't be enough to cover things. So, Carolina Man suggested we both commit to saving an extra $200 over what we said we would save each month. In a year, that gives us an extra $5K. And I don't think either of us will miss this as we both got raises this year.

I'm thankful for his calm attitude about all of this, and how on the same page we are about planning this event. And I feel good knowing that we're going to be able to afford the kind of wedding we both want.

Hola, Amigos!

Carolina Man and I are back, and what better way to be thrust back into reality than a little snow shower on a Sunday evening? I've never been surprised by snow before. Usually if there's even a hint of a possible snowstorm, it seems like the whole world knows about it. Maybe we were still out of touch because of post-vacation brains. But, we opened the door to take Lucy out, and the whole ground was covered!

Hasta luego, sunshine.

In short, we had a fantastic time in Mexico. It was sun, sand, and all-you-can-drink mojitos. Of course, we hit some bumps in the road that now seem really, really petty (i.e. getting bumped from first class on our way there and not being able to find towels by the pool). Even as I type them, I feel like a moron. Seriously, who gets upset about towels? I think it's hard to resist that sense of entitlement when you're paying a lot for a vacation. But, life is life, no matter where you are.

I'll give you a quick review of the Valentin Imperial Maya. Huge resort. Incredibly wonderful staff. Awful food. There you go. I could go on and on about why we didn't like the food, but I won't bore you. I think our lesson learned is that all-inclusives cut corners when it comes to what they're putting in front of you, and that we ended up going for quantity over quality most of the time. And we ate way more meat than we do at home. And drank about eight million times more cocktails.

For our honeymoon, I think we'll look for something smaller and with top-notch cuisine. 

All in all, though, we had a fantastic time. I loved that it only took us half a day to get there and back, which really maximized our time relaxing in the sun. And, we got to practice our espanol a good bit. Speaking of which, I'm thinking about taking some classes again. Anyone else feel like a complete dumbass because they can only speak English?

The best part about vacation? Coming home! Seriously, we were so excited to be back at our house and snuggle with our puppy. What a wonderful feeling to want to come home.

Engagement Portraits by My Favorite Five-Year-Old

The day after our engagement, my mom returned home to Georgia. On her way she stopped by my brother's house because apparently my nephew does not understand that Nana sometimes is too tired to play. He overheard my brother and mom talking about our engagement, and he was inspired to draw the following portraits. 

This is me.

Please note the ring in the upper right corner.

This is Carolina Man.

He just learned to draw glasses, so he kind of forgot about the body.

 

 

 

Why go to a professional when you have an artist like this in the family?

The Proposal: Part Six...The End

Did you all think the last post was the end of the engagement story? I can understand why. It did end with the actual proposal, but there's more to the story!

Carolina Man walked me back to our room--a gorgeous suite with a balcony overlooking the place where we'd just gotten engaged. To celebrate he'd scattered rose petals on the floor and had a bottle of Dom Perignon chilling in the fridge. (He later told me that the bottle wouldn't fit in the fridge that was in the room, so management had sent up a larger one. Now that's serious customer service!) As he popped the bottle, I said, "I've never had Dom Perignon before!" And he said, "Me either!"

In between delicious sips of champagne, we stopped to admire the ring. He'd actually had it since before Christmas, but decided not to really look at it until he'd given it to me. Now that is some serious restraint.

With a pleasant buzz, we made our way to the hotel's five-star restaurant. The service was impeccable. The food, however, was a little too fancy for our liking. You know food that's just completely overdressed? Like what they make on Top Chef? That's what it was like. So, we didn't eat much except for the delicious scones in the bread basket. There was a waiter walking around with more of them the whole night, and I think we ate about half a dozen each. And, of course we had more wine, which we ended up having to cork because we couldn't finish all of it.

Tipsy and happy, we made our way back to the room, and happily passed out from such a wonderful day. But, before we fell asleep, I had one more envelope to open.

I know you're wondering what else there might be on this PPD. Well, believe me, the apex of the day was about three hours ago. But assuming you said, "Yes," I have booked us a couple's massage at The Umstead Spa for 9 am tomorrow.

What better way to start off our lives as fiancée and fiancé?

I love you so much!
Carolina Man

The next morning we woke up with no hangover (an engagement miracle) and made our way down to the spa for a relaxing massage before heading home to show my mom the ring.

We had such a wonderful experience at The Umstead that we're thinking about having our wedding there! But for now, we're just enjoying the engagement.

The Proposal: Part Four

After a lovely lunch together, it was time for more pampering. I opened the next card.

Now that your belly is full, it's time to sit back, relax, and be pampered.

Your next stop is Beverly Nails. I'm not sure if it's owend by someone named Beverly or if they're trying to play off "Beverly Hills." You could ask when you get there.

Please used the enclosed gift certificate to get you and your mom deluxe manicures.

Love,
Carolina Man

My mom was really lucking out in this deal! Off we went to get our nails done. I got mine painted a fire engine red to match the dress (and I thought it would look good with a diamond ring, too. Not that I was being presumptuous or anything.)

We had a Legally Blonde-type bonding moment with the other women in the salon. We told them all about the day and how CM had planned surprise after surprise for me. There were lots of "oohs" and "ahhs" in the place.

After our nails were mostly set, we headed back to the house where CM gave me the next envelope.

Your last stop before dinner is the Hair and Face Lounge. But before that, your driver will take you to the house to get ready for tonight. Your mom will come along for the ride.

Your hair appointment (blowout and make-up) is at 3:30, so you should have about an hour to get ready.

Love,
Carolina Man

I was totally getting the royal treatment from head to toe! My stylist Ashley, whom I'd just seem the week before for a cut, was thrilled for me. She actually knew about the appointment that day when I'd come in last week. I'm so impressed she kept the secret! She put me in long, loose curls, and a smoky eye with a red lip. I felt gorgeous.

Mom and I headed back to the house where I slipped into my dress and heels as fast as I could, and headed out the door to meet Carolina Man at our next destination.

The Proposal: Part Three

Mom and I chatted and giggled the whole way to the mall. She and I hadn't been shopping for a fancy dress since my senior prom, and it's our absolute favorite thing to do. (Eee, I can't wait to go wedding dress shopping!)

Our driver Henderson could not have been more delightful. He insisted on opening our doors, which neither of us ever got used to, and dropped us off with a smile and a promise to return in two hours time.

Two hours to find the perfect dress? If anyone could do it, my mom and I could. We headed straight for our favorite department store. Usually when I shop, I find it nearly impossible to pick up anything that's not on sale. It just feels wrong to buy something full-price when I know everything goes on sale. But, I told myself that I was going to pick the dress I loved the most, no matter the cost. And that I wasn't going to get upset if my normal size didn't fit. (These are two major stressers for me when I shop.)

Mom and I split up to peruse the racks and came back with our favorite contenders: a sexy black dress with a plunging neckline, a high-neck metallic number, and this one.

There was no question that this was the one. I felt gorgeous in it. After a quick trip to the shoe department and Sephora, I had the shoes and lipstick to complete the look. And believe it or not, we still had 45 minutes to spare! That has to be some kind of record.

Time to open PPD Two!

Did we have a nice shopping spree? Did we find a nice evening dress? Well good for us!

All that shopping has undoubtedly made you hungry.

Come across the street and have lunch with me.

Love,
Carolina Man

And a few minutes later, Henderson was there with the car and Carolina Man, and off we were to lunch!

The Proposal: Part Two

First of all, thank you all for your wonderfully sweet messages of congratulations! It has been overwhelming to receive so much love from you. I couldn't be happier!

After eating one too many chocolate croissants, I opened up the card marked "PPD: One."

It read:

Your first activity of the day is shopping! Your driver will be picking you up at 9am and taking you to Southpointe Mall.

 As the day will be ending at a 5-star restaurant, please put on your shopping list a nice evening dress that you can wear tonight.

 Please arrange for your driver to pick you up at 11:45 am at which time you can open your next envelope.

 Oh, and here's some shopping cash!

Love,
Carolina Man 

Shopping? Five-star restaurant? Driver? I was completely overwhelmed! I started tearing up. I couldn't believe by how much thought he'd put into the whole day. He knew I'd want something new and gorgeous to wear for our very special dinner planned.

Through the tears I asked, "Are you coming with me?" I was a little sad when he said that he probably wasn't.  I realized that he probably had other things to do, and I knew that no matter what, I was going to enjoy shopping for a dress.

A few minutes later, I heard CM go to the front door. And in walks...MY MOM! I was so overwhelmed and shocked and happy that I burst into tears. (Mom told me later that Carolina Man had tears in his eyes, too.) She gave me a big hug and said, "We're going shopping!"

Once I pulled myself together and cleaned up the streaks of mascara running down my face, we walked outside to find a Lincoln Town Car (my mom kept calling it a "limo" which cracked me up) waiting for us. Carolina Man had booked a driver to take us everywhere we would need to go that day. How spoiled am I?

And off we went to the mall to find the perfect dress for that evening.

The Proposal: Part One

I gave you all a snippet of the first part of the day, but here's a more detailed account for your reading pleasure. Oh, it's going to be so much fun reliving that day.

If you had a hunch that you were going to be proposed to, would you be able to sleep the night before? I sure couldn't! If you were the one planning to propose, would you be able to sleep the night before? Carolina Man sure couldn't! That means we were both wide awake by 5 am on Saturday morning, and I had over two hours before I could open up my first PPD card of the day.

It read:

My love, 

Although this may appear to be a scavenger hunt or a treasure hunt, it is neither. This is what I like to call a P.P.D. or Progressive Pampering Day. I like to call it that because I just made it up and find it to be quite clever. 

Today is all about you. I want to show you how special you are to me by giving you a much-deserved "you" day. You will have fun, relax, eat well, and be generally pampered. 

The progressive part is that your destinations will be revealed throughout the day vis a vis these envelopes. No peeking! 

Get ready, destination one will be revealed right now. 

Love,
Carolina Man 

I came downstairs to find three plates of chocolate croissants (homemade by Carolina Man, and in milk, semi-sweet, and dark varieties), a pot of hot coffee made just the way I like it, and two beautiful red roses in a vase.

And of course, the next card, which I'll reveal next time!

He put a ring on it!

I promise the full story will be posted soon! For now, I'm floating...

The Mysteries of PPD

You guys, what do you think PPD means? Here's what I've come up with so far.

• Pretty Princess Day
• Prissy Pamper Day
• Puppy Power Dog
• Physical Punishment Doom 
• Pre-Processing Disaster

Ok, these are all ridiculous. Let me give you the context. 

For months, Carolina Man has been playing a weekend getaway for us, and has told me nothing about it other than a few very vague details about what time we'll begin tomorrow (7:30 am) and that our destination is less than two hours away from our house. Then yesterday, he hands me 6-7 sealed envelopes that have the letters "PPD" on them, numbered and with specific times written on them that I will open tomorrow. 

I can't believe he's done so much to plan for this special day together! I have no idea what we'll be doing, but I can't wait to find out. And of course, I'll make a full report once I know what's going on! 

A Cure for the (nearly almost over) Holiday Blues

I'm not sure how it's possible that my favorite day of the year is during the absolute worst time of the year. Seriously, last night I fell asleep at 8 pm with the lights still on because apparently my body begins shutting down at promptly 5:45 pm when the sun has ditched us for the day. Bastard sun.

I have to face the fact that as much as I love "the holidays," they really consist of a bunch of normal days where it's cold and dark and there are no presents to be opened. And this year, a lot of "the holidays" will be spent driving up and down I-95. And then what's after the holidays? The most godawful months of the year: January, the absolute worst month of the year, followed by the runner up for "Worst Month of the Year," February.

Are you ready for me to STFU yet? I am. And what better way to STFU about the post-holiday blues than a trip to...


Playa del Carmen, Mexico!!!


Yep, Feb. 13-18th Carolina Man and I will be frying our skin and gorging ourselves on all-you-can-eat-and-drink buffets.

The best part is that summer clothes are SUPER ON SALE right now. Below are just a few items I've purchased this week, all for less than $225 total.

The Sass is Back

I'm a Southern woman, born and raised. This surprises a lot of people I meet primarily because A) I don't have the accent and B) I like to say fuck a lot. This wasn't always the case. Back in high school, I was a Bible Belter, goody two-shoes like most of my friends.

That all started to change ironically when I went to divinity school in Connecticut. People were abrasive and direct, which at first I found rude but then came to appreciate. There was no bullshit. Sure, I missed the friendliness of saying 'hi' to people on the street, but then again, there were so many pedestrians I could've spent my entire walk to campus greeting strangers. Instead I learned to look inward and found quiet and stillness.

I also developed quite a bit of attitude. Since my birth, my mom had taught me the passive aggressive ways of southern culture--that you ignore cat calls and kill rude people with kindness. As it turns out, these are not particularly satisfying strategies for dealing with assholes. I always felt disempowered and wished I'd been quicker with my tongue.

At some point, things shifted. I started with a few mouthy comebacks to men who would whistle or say something inappropriate to me on the street. One night I was coming home from CVS when a man in a truck said, "Hey there, sexy." I walked a few steps and yelled back, "Why don't you shut the fuck up!?" He probably thought I was a crazy bitch, but I felt this awesome rush of adrenaline and felt proud that I'd managed to make him, well, shut the fuck up.

Now after six years of living elsewhere, I'm back in the South and experiencing severe reverse culture shock. It first struck me when I went to a Zumba class at the gym and realized I was the most gyrating one in the class (something that NEVER would have happened in DC). I've changed and I'm not sure I can adopt the southern lady thing again.

The other day, Carolina Man and I were out playing bocce and throwing a frisbee at the park. A man walked by us, and remembering that I was in the South, I made eye contact and said hello. He replied, "You know, you really should use your arm more and your wrist less."

And without even thinking, I retorted with annoyance in my voice, "Thanks, but I didn't ask you." It wasn't rude exactly, but it was direct and it sent a clear message that I didn't appreciate his unsolicited advice about my frisbee throwing ability.

My mom probably would've died with embarrassment if she'd heard me say that. She would have preferred I'd feigned politeness or even gratitude, and then talked behind his back. Instead I said what I felt. And it felt pretty awesome!

Carolina Man said, "And that's why I love you."

Meeting His Momma

Good thing I'm heading back to the airport today. It's been nearly two weeks since I've flown anywhere, and I was beginning to feel deprived.

But, this time it's not a work trip (yay). And, I won't be flying alone (double yay)! Carolina Man and I are heading to Alabama to spend the weekend with his mom and some of his other relatives. I haven't given the trip much thought. I've become entirely too lackadaisical about travel. If I let my usual type-A personality run amok when I was about to go somewhere, I'd never be able to accomplish anything else. For me, the thinking about a trip doesn't set in until I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to pack, which so far hasn't happened. I'm thinking I'll give myself an hour before we have to leave.

As much as Carolina Man has reassured me that his mom is thrilled to meet me, I can't help but feel somewhat anxious about it. You'll recall that I haven't exactly had the best of luck with significant others' mothers (especially when they are nosy, know-it-all bitches, not that I'm thinking of anyone in particular). And while I got along great with his dad and his brother, meeting the mom is always the scariest part about meeting someone's family.

So, I'm doing my best not to over-think it, to trust what CM has said--that his mom is laid back and easy to get along with. And I'll just do my best to be myself, flaws and all.

Happiest of Birthdays, Carolina Man!

Wishing my love the happiest of birthdays. You are my gift everyday! 

Living Together Separately

I've got a list of blog topics all prepared in my head, and yet the break-neck speed of the last three weeks has kept me from doing much about it. Yesterday I left NC at 6 am for a day of meetings and catching up with DC blogger amigas Date Me, D.C.! (with whom I'd just spent an awesome weekend), Sassy Marmalade, Bless Your Heart, and A Single Girl before heading back to NC at 10 pm. This morning was basically the same, only this time Carolina Man was the one heading out of town. Bleary-eyed, we did the exact same early morning kiss good-bye we'd done yesterday.

A lot of people have asked me how it's going living here. I've said that it's going really well, which it is. But I also don't feel like I have of time under my belt to say with confidence that it's going as well as I feel like it is. This has been our timeline thus far:

Aug 20--Move Day
Aug 24-28--Work trip to Ohio
Aug 31--CM's dad and brother arrive
Sept 2-4--CM, dad, and brother go to beach
Sept 6--Dad, brother go home; I go to DC
Sept 7-8--CM goes to Philadelphia

In short, we have hardly spent any time together alone at our house. Nothing about my schedule has changed, and he's just as busy as I am. I'd mapped all of this out before I moved and said, "We need to realize that just because NC will my home base doesn't mean we'll be together all the time." It's been especially tough on me when CM is gone because I haven't exactly had much time to make friends, so I end up doing a lot solo, which is tough on an extrovert like me. I know I'll make friends--I always do. But living in a new place is tough, no matter how good the circumstances are. And it's been even tougher to have spent so much of the transition apart.

In making travel plans for work, I'd never really had to consider someone else. I was fine with booking trips back-to-back, running myself into the ground repeatedly, and taking a random day off in the middle of the week to catch up on sleep. But being in a relationship is different. I've got to become more discriminating when it comes to offering up my weekends because when we miss a weekend together, there's no time to be lazy and just enjoy each other's company.

So, I can't wait for this weekend when we'll both be here and can get some quality time together. We need it.

Buena Vis(t)a

"Open it, open it!" Carolina Man said as he drove us to the gym, a healthy habit we were already cultivating on our second day of living together.

The single piece of mail we'd gotten that day had been an envelope from Capitol One. I'd raved to CM about my rewards AmEx and how I'd already spent enough to earn serious bucks off a trip--a honeymoon, maybe? Since he was just using his debit card, he figured he'd join the credit card rewards fun and earn some buck-age along the way.

We'd been in lots of conversations about our finances--how much we each had in savings, how much we wanted to spend together, and...how much we could set aside each month for a wedding. Thankfully we're not starting from scratch, but we aren't into A) doing it on the cheap B) counting on our families to help (though they might) or C) doing it in the far, far distant future. That means the more we can save, the better.

I thought it was kind of weird that he wanted me to open up his credit card envelope, but I figured he was just excited about having a new card and his hands were occupied with the driving.

But then, when I opened up the letter inside, I saw the card. It had a picture on it. A picture of us from our mini-vacation to the beach. We were in our bathing suits, lips locked, with a gorgeous blue sky and ocean behind us. A buena vista Visa.

It was the sweetest, most unexpected gesture. To me, it said, "I love this woman and I want everyone to know. I want everyone to see."

This guy's for real. I mean, my picture is on his credit card.

DC to NC

I spent my last night in DC trudging through a torrential downpour to my going away party, which was awesome, only to return to two inches of water on the floor of my bedroom closet. Thank God Carolina Man and I had already packed all my stuff up into the cars--just a few hours before the rain fell I'd had all my linens, clothes, and books packed on the floor of the closet. I took it as a final "F*** you" from DC.

But no, the water on the floor was in fact the penultimate DC middle finger. The last would be the extra hour and a half it took for us to get from DC to Richmond. There's nothing worse than desperately wanting to get somewhere and have all the traffic gods crap on you. But eventually, we got here, unpacked the cars, and passed out from exhaustion.

The last few days have been awesome and exhilarating, weird and strange, relaxed and comfortable, stressful and tense. It's been the roller-coaster of feelings and emotions that we anticipated it would be, and we've just done our best to talk through it all. As we were falling asleep last night, I asked CM, "Do you think we have more issues than most couples do?" He said, "I think we have as many issues as any other couples. The difference is that we aren't afraid to name them when they come up."

In so many ways, CM and I are still getting to know each other. We have similar issues and insecurities, but the situations that trigger them are so unique to each of us. In time, we'll learn more about those and will have a better understanding of why the other reacts a certain way. I love that we can talk openly about our hurts and pain from the past.

It's easy for me in some ways to feel like CM has always been in my life. I have nearly forgotten what it was like to spend every night alone and to have no one to snuggle up next to in the morning. I have to remind myself of how much has changed in such a short period of time. More time than I could have anticipated, it just feels normal. Being with CM feels like home.