The context of this isn't that important, but after experiencing a serious hangover after a dinner party, I was just screwing around on my laptop, hoping my headache would go away if I watched enough dog gifs on Buzzfeed. For no particular reason, I was looking at a blog written by one of my college classmates. She and I weren't exactly friends, but the school was small and our paths inevitably crossed from time to time. Since college she's gone on to have a pretty huge presence in the blogosphere and I've sort of followed her from time to time when I was bored at my job.
When I googled her website the other night, I found another blog listed second below her url with a mission to satirize everything she writes. I thought to myself, stupid trolls. They're just jealous of her success, right? But the more I read the critique (very hilariously written, by the way), the more I found myself agreeing with most every point. Now I can't stop reading it! I'm about a third of the way through 100 pages of this artfully crafted mockery, and I've stooped to using it as a mid-day reward when I've completed some big project. ("Come on, KT! Finish up this report and you can read 5 pages of the hilarity.")
At first I thought pretty poorly of myself to be participating in something that's just pure snark, especially towards an acquaintance whom I don't really have a personal problem with. But it's made me reflect on myself and my own online presence, which is albeit minute in comparison, and yet there is one thing all bloggers share: we choose to publish information related to who we are for public consumption. Admittedly, there is some bit of narcissism involved, right? We want people to read about our lives. It's categorically different from keeping a journal. Writing for an audience means that we open ourselves up for the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Back when more people read my blog, especially when I was posting about dates which attracts more voyeurs than talking about buying a car with your husband (and I am among the voyeurs!), I used to get the occasional snarky, even mean comment. I took it way too personally and would either delete it or try to defend myself. I couldn't believe people would hop on the internet to go shit all over someone's life choices.
And I still don't. But if I'm hoping to avoid the pervasive presence of trolls, I'd be better off just removing myself from the Internet altogether. The next time I get a comment that's "trollish" I'm going to let it ride. The last thing I want is to believe that anything I say is above reproach or criticism. At the end of the day, I need to have confidence in myself that I'm just doing the best that I can.
I will probably continue to block the crazy spam comments I get, although some of them are so horribly written they'd be funny to let fly.
So, fellow bloggers, what do you think? Do you agree with the points I've brought up? How do you feel about trolls?
Showing posts with label Blogosphere. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blogosphere. Show all posts
Time for a Comeback? Well regardless, I'm coming back!
For you all who can remember ALL the way back to June 21st of last year, you'll recall that I gave up blogging. I needed a break from it. MT (formerly known as Carolina Man) and I were just beginning to plan our wedding, and the last thing I wanted was another place to talk about that. I was determined to stay sane through that process (and I succeeded! Yes, it is possible to plan a wedding and not go completely batshit crazy.) So, the blog was what ended up on the chopping block.
Fast forward to a few weeks after we returned from a beautiful honeymoon in the Grenadine Islands (never heard of them? Yeah, that was kind of the point), I was starting to play with the idea of picking blogging back up. Suddenly I had a lot more time (not to mention a lot more cash, holla!) to play with, and I started to realize that I really, really missed my community here. Even the trolls. Ok, maybe not them, but everyone else, I missed you!
So, here I am, asking to be let back onto your blog rolls and RSS feeds and into your hearts. I can't wait to catch up on what all of you have been doing and to share the daily goings on of a newly married woman living in Cary, North Carolina.
I am so happy to be back!
Fast forward to a few weeks after we returned from a beautiful honeymoon in the Grenadine Islands (never heard of them? Yeah, that was kind of the point), I was starting to play with the idea of picking blogging back up. Suddenly I had a lot more time (not to mention a lot more cash, holla!) to play with, and I started to realize that I really, really missed my community here. Even the trolls. Ok, maybe not them, but everyone else, I missed you!
So, here I am, asking to be let back onto your blog rolls and RSS feeds and into your hearts. I can't wait to catch up on what all of you have been doing and to share the daily goings on of a newly married woman living in Cary, North Carolina.
I am so happy to be back!
A Pause
My posting has screeched to a near halt. It started unintentionally but has become less so. Observing some of the less than charitable behavior that goes on online (of which I have certainly been a part of at times) has gotten me thinking about the purpose of my own blog and if it's something I wish to continue.
Whether right or wrong, when you share your life publicly, you open yourself up to criticism. I have not been the exception. I can't say I agree with the idea that having a blog somehow means you have signed up for whatever kind of bullshit people want to hurl at you. (Is human decency a lost art?) But nonetheless, feeling unfairly criticized and judged is part of the blogging territory.
And, I've been feeling like my inner critic, the little bastard that he is, really doesn't need any more ammunition. He does just fine on his own finding things to cut me down. So, do I really need another venue for feeling like a jerk when I screw up in my life?
I started the blog with a pretty clear idea of what I wanted it to be--a blog about what it was like to date a PhD student when I wasn't in school. I had grand notions of providing a community for those in this strange situation. But when I found myself single, the blog became a refuge--one I really needed. I found support and community in the midst of real heartache and pain. And then, it became a dating blog, and that was a shift I was not prepared for. Apparently people have lots of opinions about dating and what people should or shouldn't do--and they like telling you what to do. And, before I realized it, dating had been elevated to a level of importance in my life that I never anticipated. I let it become more important than it should have been.
Which is why I haven't been blogging about dating anymore. I don't want it to take up that space in my life--because it could if I let it. Dates can make a good story. Dating is attached to so many other deeper issues--what I want and desire, how I feel about my future, things that I should really reserve for those closest to me. Unfortunately, I have a problem with spilling my guts to anyone, and it's something I'm working on.
You know, I thought operating under a pseudonym would protect me, but it didn't. It never did. In some ways I think by not having a picture or a real name it made it easier to forget that I was a real person.
This is all to say, I'm not certain what I want to do about the blog, but I know that going forward, I'm going to keep my personal life just that--personal.
Whether right or wrong, when you share your life publicly, you open yourself up to criticism. I have not been the exception. I can't say I agree with the idea that having a blog somehow means you have signed up for whatever kind of bullshit people want to hurl at you. (Is human decency a lost art?) But nonetheless, feeling unfairly criticized and judged is part of the blogging territory.
And, I've been feeling like my inner critic, the little bastard that he is, really doesn't need any more ammunition. He does just fine on his own finding things to cut me down. So, do I really need another venue for feeling like a jerk when I screw up in my life?
I started the blog with a pretty clear idea of what I wanted it to be--a blog about what it was like to date a PhD student when I wasn't in school. I had grand notions of providing a community for those in this strange situation. But when I found myself single, the blog became a refuge--one I really needed. I found support and community in the midst of real heartache and pain. And then, it became a dating blog, and that was a shift I was not prepared for. Apparently people have lots of opinions about dating and what people should or shouldn't do--and they like telling you what to do. And, before I realized it, dating had been elevated to a level of importance in my life that I never anticipated. I let it become more important than it should have been.
Which is why I haven't been blogging about dating anymore. I don't want it to take up that space in my life--because it could if I let it. Dates can make a good story. Dating is attached to so many other deeper issues--what I want and desire, how I feel about my future, things that I should really reserve for those closest to me. Unfortunately, I have a problem with spilling my guts to anyone, and it's something I'm working on.
You know, I thought operating under a pseudonym would protect me, but it didn't. It never did. In some ways I think by not having a picture or a real name it made it easier to forget that I was a real person.
This is all to say, I'm not certain what I want to do about the blog, but I know that going forward, I'm going to keep my personal life just that--personal.
Close Encounters of the Asshole Kind
Who would have thought that not dating would mean more encounters with assholes? I sure as hell didn't.
Early last week I knew what I'd be walking into. I was asked, as a board member of a non-profit, to be present at a protest--not on the side of the protesters, not even as a counter-protester, but as a "peaceful presence." We were going to be intentionally few in number and that made me nervous. As it turns out, there were 15 of us among 300 angry protesters. Stomach churning, I stood silently, listening to speech after speech of vitriol, wondering how if I were to meet any of those gathered to protest in another setting how things might be different. They might say with a smile, "Hello, how are you? Nice to meet you" instead of,"You're not welcome here" with dagger eyes and clenched fists.
While I'd been prepared for Monday's frustration, I had no idea that later on in the week when I was at a holiday party for a women's organization that it'd be crashed--by men, no less. Men who were there to intimidate and condemn. Men who were there to be assholes--to scream and yell at people gathered for a fucking holiday party. I don't know where I got the strength, but I put my hand on one of their shoulders and (mostly) silently guided them out the door.
Once they left, I lost my composure. I went to the bathroom and cried. I felt disempowered, terrorized, and furious. How could anyone think that it's actually effective for any cause to yell, to intimidate, to crash a holiday party? The thing is, I think some people just want to act like assholes. They don't actually want to further their cause or convince someone to adopt their point of view. I can assure you the party crashers did nothing but make everything at the party think they were crazy douche bags.
But, why do people seem to enjoy being assholes? If I've been even slightly rude to someone, even if it's "called for," I feel like a jerk. So how is that some people seem to thrive being this way?
Which brings me to my next point, online assholes. Why the hell do people spend their time trolling sites and leaving nasty comments? Seriously it would never occur to me to actively go seeking an opportunity to be a jackass. I was in a Twitter conversation with Date Me, DC! about this, and people had a lot to say. The comment that puzzled me the most was something along the lines of, "If you let mean comments get to you, then it says something about you. You need thicker skin"
Thicker skin is the solution to dealing with assholes, huh? I would argue that thick skin--or being calloused-- is exactly what allows people to act like arrogant assholes in the first place. Interesting, when I was at the party and started crying, no one there said, "Hey, get thicker skin. They're just assholes." No, people put their arms around me, listened to me fume, and stood with me. I want to hang onto my humanity, my emotions, my ability to be hurt by other people. It's in part what keeps me from being an asshole in return, even as I'm being screamed at by arrogant pricks.
So, how about this--how about we stop tolerating asshole behavior online and in person? How about when we encounter them, we confront them instead of being silenced and blaming ourselves for feeling hurt and not having thick skin? That way, we can help stop the behavior rather than having to become callous ourselves.
Happily Uninteresting
I was told, on another blog (and on this one at one point), that I write a boring blog. I suppose it was meant to be an insult, but I didn't receive it that way. In part, I have to kind of agree: my blog is not all that interesting as of late. And believe it or not, I'm actually kind of happy about that.
A few months ago I was blogging daily, getting tons of hits, and receiving loads of comments. Ah, those were the days. Except for the fact that I was dealing with terrible heartache. While it was a temporary ego-boost to have more readers and to have new comments every time I logged into blogger, sadly that didn't make things in real life any less shitty. If I had to choose between having a lot of blog readers and not feeling shitty, guess which one I'd pick. The same applies to being subjected to horribly awkward first dates. Fun to blog about, not fun to endure. Plus you've already got Katie blowing that shit out of the water. .
Sitting in therapy today, I struggled to find anything over the last week that I felt was in need of serious conversation. Strangely, the same thing had happened at last week's session, too. At first I felt like this was because I hadn't been reflecting on my life enough (self-judgment), but then I saw that it has simply been a time of...normalcy. Took me awhile to recognize it. Sure, the remnants of homesickness are still there, as are the ever-passing thoughts of moving somewhere else, but I'm not longer feeling like I'm in some inescapable abyss that I'll never pull out of. And contrary to my own belief that I have to work really hard to get anywhere with anything, I didn't have to do shit to get out of it other than wait and accept that was where I was. It was in the not-doing that I was lifted out. Who knows if I'll find myself back there next week or next month, but for now, I'm out. That is something to give thanks for.
Maybe my life is boring. Or maybe it's actually just what life looks like when the storm has exhausted itself and the calm and stillness set in. After the ups and downs of the last few months, I'm grateful for this unfamiliar peace. I'm grateful that the excitement in my life is coming through attending a counter-protest in yesterday's freezing cold weather, getting interviewed by a news website, Christmas shopping for my Star Wars-obsessed nephew, celebrating my friend's retirement, and eating sweet potato latkes for the first time. Non-boy related things, things I typically don't talk about in my blog. Things I keep within my own heart and my community in real life.
Maybe it's boring to read about. But it's sweet to live it. And really, that's all that matters to me.
P.S. You still have time to enter my giveaway!
A few months ago I was blogging daily, getting tons of hits, and receiving loads of comments. Ah, those were the days. Except for the fact that I was dealing with terrible heartache. While it was a temporary ego-boost to have more readers and to have new comments every time I logged into blogger, sadly that didn't make things in real life any less shitty. If I had to choose between having a lot of blog readers and not feeling shitty, guess which one I'd pick. The same applies to being subjected to horribly awkward first dates. Fun to blog about, not fun to endure. Plus you've already got Katie blowing that shit out of the water. .
Sitting in therapy today, I struggled to find anything over the last week that I felt was in need of serious conversation. Strangely, the same thing had happened at last week's session, too. At first I felt like this was because I hadn't been reflecting on my life enough (self-judgment), but then I saw that it has simply been a time of...normalcy. Took me awhile to recognize it. Sure, the remnants of homesickness are still there, as are the ever-passing thoughts of moving somewhere else, but I'm not longer feeling like I'm in some inescapable abyss that I'll never pull out of. And contrary to my own belief that I have to work really hard to get anywhere with anything, I didn't have to do shit to get out of it other than wait and accept that was where I was. It was in the not-doing that I was lifted out. Who knows if I'll find myself back there next week or next month, but for now, I'm out. That is something to give thanks for.
Maybe my life is boring. Or maybe it's actually just what life looks like when the storm has exhausted itself and the calm and stillness set in. After the ups and downs of the last few months, I'm grateful for this unfamiliar peace. I'm grateful that the excitement in my life is coming through attending a counter-protest in yesterday's freezing cold weather, getting interviewed by a news website, Christmas shopping for my Star Wars-obsessed nephew, celebrating my friend's retirement, and eating sweet potato latkes for the first time. Non-boy related things, things I typically don't talk about in my blog. Things I keep within my own heart and my community in real life.
Maybe it's boring to read about. But it's sweet to live it. And really, that's all that matters to me.
P.S. You still have time to enter my giveaway!
Happy Holiday Giveaway from CSN
*Note: This Giveaway has ended. I hope to have another one in the near future!
Peeps, two monumental things have happened this week. #1. I have surpassed 100 followers! #2. I was approached about doing a giveaway on my blog. Basically, I feel totally affirmed in my blogger identity. And as a treat for you, the giveaway--what better time than the holidays to host my first one?! I have a $35 gift certificate to give away to CSN Stores, which has 200+ stores full of fantastic gifts--shoes, jewelry, home decor, etc. Personally I'm really eying their leather messenger bags for toting my junk around in style!
Peeps, two monumental things have happened this week. #1. I have surpassed 100 followers! #2. I was approached about doing a giveaway on my blog. Basically, I feel totally affirmed in my blogger identity. And as a treat for you, the giveaway--what better time than the holidays to host my first one?! I have a $35 gift certificate to give away to CSN Stores, which has 200+ stores full of fantastic gifts--shoes, jewelry, home decor, etc. Personally I'm really eying their leather messenger bags for toting my junk around in style!
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| Skyline Silver Sterling Silver Heart Neckalce $34 |
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| Alessi Banana Boys Wine Stoppers $38 |
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| Jovi Home Grace Chenille Throw $32 and up |
You can definitely find something for someone on your holiday buying list--or just treat yourself! Don't worry, I won't judge.
To enter:
*Mandatory: leave a comment about how you'd use your $35 at CSN (1 entry).
*Become a follower of my blog or comment that you already are (1 extra entry)
*Follow me on Twitter or let me know if you already do (1 extra entry)
*Blog about my giveaway and comment with the link (3 extra entries)
Giveaway ends at midnight (EST) on Thursday, December 9th. Make sure to include your email, so I can get in touch with you! I'll announce the winner (picked by a random number generator) on Friday, December 10th. Good luck!
Missed Connections
No, I'm not talking about the creepy Craiglist kind. I'm talking about those of you who read the blog, comment, and then I forget to follow your blog (if you have one). If I haven't commented on your blog yet, can you comment on this post and put in a link? I'd love to read what you're doing. For serious.
And, I'm also on Twitter and trying to get more followers (and more awesome people to follow.) So, if you tweet, please follow me at twitter.com/dancingthruDC and I promise to follow you back and attempt to be witty in 140-characters.
Preparing for a weekend at the beach, despite the hurricane heading this way. Hell, I grew up on a damn island, so I know all about this hurricane shit. BRING IT ON, YOU BASTARD! It will not interfere with my eating, drinking, and other merriment.
And, I'm also on Twitter and trying to get more followers (and more awesome people to follow.) So, if you tweet, please follow me at twitter.com/dancingthruDC and I promise to follow you back and attempt to be witty in 140-characters.
Preparing for a weekend at the beach, despite the hurricane heading this way. Hell, I grew up on a damn island, so I know all about this hurricane shit. BRING IT ON, YOU BASTARD! It will not interfere with my eating, drinking, and other merriment.
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