Thanks again to everyone for the lovely birthday wishes! Although it started off slow, I kicked it into high gear when the sun went down. I spent the night at my favorite gay karaoke bar, singing with a sparkly top hat on my head. Of course with that accouterment, the only appropriate things to sing were show tunes. "All that Jazz" was a big hit, and redeemed my not getting picked for the local production of Chicago. Those mofos didn't know what they were missing!
Earlier that evening SCL and I had a delicious meal at a little Italian restaurant in Old Town Alexandria. That was the first time we'd been out anywhere for weeks. The tension of not knowing where we stand is with me all the time, and even though it was my birthday, last night was no exception. I had been quite a little snit earlier in the day when we talked on the phone briefly. When he didn't immediately say "Happy Birthday," I kind of jumped down his throat. I've gotten into this pattern of reading into every single little thing he does or doesn't do, and it comes back to bite me in the butt.
While this had been an overreaction, it was an entree into talking about how I feel about our situation currently, aided by the half bottle of Pinot grigio I had downed at that point. I apologized for the earlier incident, though stood my ground that I had felt snubbed. He told me I read into things too much. I retorted, "Yes, I do. That's because I don't know what you're thinking!"
And then I went into a wine-induced rant about how I was worried about the future, that he could walk away at any second, and I am constantly thinking what every little thing means. I told him that I'm trying to give him the space and time he needs, but I don't want to do so at the cost of tending to my own needs. I told him that I'm not fixated on the when of getting married, but really the only way I want to be with him is if we're moving in that direction. Yikes, the wine is truly my truth serum.
Then I finally quit talking, and it was his turn. He told me that he loves me and that he focuses on his hang-ups too much, like when we'd get married and his family. I told him that I'm not fixated on the when so much, and while I could try harder with his parents, I can't change the way they feel. And then I blurted out, "I think they'd be an issue no matter what woman you were in a relationship with because they can't let you go." Perhaps that was taking it a bit too far. Again, I blame the wine.
I didn't get any answers, but now SCL knows for real what it is I want in our relationship--and that I'm not going to settle for just anything he'll give me. And later on in the evening when he got up to sing "Private Eyes" at the gay karaoke bar, I was reminded of how much I do want him around now...and for good.
Ugh, wine. It's my truth serum too. So bad! But I think it's good that you talk about the things that are bothering you. Keeping it all bottled up is bound to make things bad, ya know?ReplyDelete
I do love wine.ReplyDelete
I don't think you should apologize for being honest. Sounds like a little honesty is in order if you both want to find yourself on the same page.
I went to couples therapy in my early days, an experience that taught me a whole lot about myself, and my therapist asked me to figure out what I wanted. She challenged me to accept that whatever I was allowing in my life in that moment as what I wanted, otherwise I would have long gotten rid of it. It forced me to change my outlook, good or bad.
Honesty is the best policy, right? I think this was probably good for you two, to get everything out in the open. Maybe make wine more of a weekly thing? Hehe. :)ReplyDelete
Wine tends to do that to me too haha. At least he knows how you feel now for sure. Hope all goes well.ReplyDelete
Krysten and Delilah, glad I'm not the only one! :-)ReplyDelete
FL Girl, you're so right. I'm going to reflect on that pearl of wisdom from your therapy days.
Steph, how bout a daily thing? :-)
Pinot Grigio and lots of it would do that to me too. But, it's so fun and easy to consume that much. It all comes spilling out especially in the wine induced rants.ReplyDelete
I'm glad that you mentioned to him what you thought about his parents. His family is clearly very important to him and getting to the bottom of their issues with you is probably a good thing.ReplyDelete
Also, yay for wine and its truth-forcing powers.
I feel for you on the family issues. That's a tough one and I'm in the middle of some family/relationship things myself. As for the wine, white tends to make me say everything that's on my mind. But one glass of red wine and I'm asleep :-)ReplyDelete
Juliana, you are right. Too fun in fact.ReplyDelete
Anna, the weird thing is that he isn't close to his family at all, but he still cares what they think. I get it, but it's frustrating!
B-T Chick, one glass? Wow, I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't have more than a glass. Do you ever finish a bottle? :-)