When SCL and I were broken up, I had so much emotion that writing a blog post took little if any effort at all. It was easy to think about what to say that morning and the next morning and the next morning. And when we first began working things out, I felt the same. But now that things aren't as intense, I'm not sure how I feel in general, much less how I feel about blogging.
Reader Katie left me a comment yesterday that's something to think about. A lot to think about. The truth is I'm not feeling satisfied with my interactions with SCL. We have a good time, we enjoy one another's company, but it's difficult to accept that as enough when we've come from a place of deep intimacy and connection in the past. I know it hasn't been that long (less than two months) since SCL came back and said he wanted to try to work things out. And it's only been two weeks since he moved into his new place. But how long is too long? I feel like I'm trying to meet him where he needs me to, but what about me?
I do want clarity. I do want to know where this is heading. I am not satisfied with simply hanging out and being "whatever" together. I told him some version of this yesterday, and he responded that he's adjusting to not living together and figuring out what that means. This is fair, I guess, but it won't be an adequate response forever.
The part that's difficult is believing deep down that he's the person I'm going to be with (so it's ok to wait for him) and not getting what I want in the present. I seem to be putting a lot of hope and expectation on the future for when he comes around. I don't know if I'm hopeful or just outright delusional.