Bawling at the Airport

Let me just say that even though my family drives me incredibly insane, including my mother, I miss them like hell when I leave. I hate hate HATE leaving them, especially when I'm returning to a situation I'm just fucking sick of. It's only been two weeks since the break-up, and I don't feel even slightly less raw or vulnerable.

I don't dare to say that I've been lucky in never really going through a break-up like this (except for that other time with SCL--bastard), as I've dealt with plenty of other shit I'd never wish on anyone. But it does mean that I'm awfully inexperienced with this kind of hurt and pain.

Basically, I'm feeling just like this--the way I did on April 27th when I was returning back to DC after visiting family. Only this time SCL won't be waiting for me, asking me to come back. For that I am both thankful and absolutely devastated.


  1. Well next time you fly somewhere it should be to the Twin Cities so we can go out. I can't promise cute guys because... well... I live in a small college town so all you'll find is drunken college boys. But I can promise good times and lotsa laughs =-)

    Keep crying. Eventually it helps.

  2. Hi NS.....I have been thinking about you sooo much since your 2nd b/u. Not sure why...maybe it's because you gave me good advice when my 18 month relationship ended, and we were kind of in the same boat, and you told me "be careful, have a plan" when we tried to see each other again.
    Anyway, I am not as devastated as you, as you prob remember, but your sadness bleeds into my sadness, and I feel for you and feel sad. I am so sorry this happened, and I know the pain is horrible. I am glad you have such a wonderful mom and are able to lean on her.
    I don't want to tell you how to deal with your pain; I can only tell you that it is normal, I understand, empathisize and wish we could put it on fast forward, so it would lessen.
    You are a very insightful, caring and giving person. You have much to offer, and I hope you can see that. Right now I know it's hard to see thru your pain, but just get thru one day at a time, and eventually it will lessen. Altho I still feel sad about my b/u (which also happened twice in a way, because he contacted me later, and wanted to see me, but never wanted to commit to anything...he was confused like SCL, which ultimately is a crock for he wanted what he wanted, and didn't really think about my feelings), I am so much less sad. I no longer wake up thinking about the fact that he isn't in my life anymore. The feelings are not so strong, and I miss what we had but can now look at it as a fond memory. so time is a magic thing, and it passes whether we want it to or not. I know it's hard, but just remember, this is a small part of your life and experience, and you will come thru it. You are a wonderful person, and don't let him take that knowledge away from you!

  3. i just found your blog and even though I dont know you,I hope everything will be better in the end!

  4. hang in there, girl! I want to come visit you, with a big bag of peppermint patties, m&ms, and a few pints of Ben & Jerry's - that could possibly help things for a little bit, at least. Feel better!

  5. Poor honey! Sending blog love and hugs! Hope you feel better!

  6. Felisha is right on, could not have said it better myself. My heart goes out to you as well and I hope that I have not said anything that makes things more difficult for you.

    From personal experience (a couple of devastating breakups and lots of more mild ones), I find that once you get through the initial acute pain it really helps to make your life different in some way. SCL left a huge hole not only in your heart but in your life, because now you have time that you normally would have spent with him. It might help to create a new normal way to spend that time. When I get out of a relationship I try to improve myself in some way, which serves a few purposes: 1. It gives you something to do (maybe even taking your mind off things for a while) 2. It helps improve self-esteem, self-confidence, and happiness (You are awesome, with or without a guy!) and 3. Then you have more to offer the next guy who comes around. If you compare my "first date" conversations from 3 years ago to now, I have so many more interesting things to talk about than I used to. For example, now I know how to snowboard and I've also started (and continue to run) a knitting group. I'm also going to grad school in the fall. I am so much more awesome than I used to be. And through all that you might make some interesting discoveries about yourself.

    Anyway, whatever you decide to do, just make sure you don't skip over the painful parts. Move through them and come out stronger on the other side. And if you can help it, try to resist self-medicating with alcohol or flings. They just give you nasty hangovers.

    Lots of love,

    PS I hope this was helpful and not hurtful in any way, and if it was please know that was not my intention.

  7. That is what family does to you.

  8. Glad you got some family loving. It really DOES recharge you. You need all the warm and fuzzies you can get at the moment.

    No Storm Lasts Forever......

  9. Thanks for the love, everyone. It means a lot!

  10. My heart hurts for you, love :( I'm so sorry this has been such a drawn out painful process. Why is love so damn EASY for some people??? Life is so GD confusing and unfair. Let's break stuff >:/

  11. I loved this from Felisha: "Time is a magic thing, and it passes whether we want it to or not." I also appreciated AT's words, you have such great advice and kind support here. Can I borrow your friends? lol

    I was telling myself recently "do not let the frailties of another dictate your sense of self-worth." I needed to believe I was still loveable, etc. even though I was heartbroken. I don't know how to really absorb this though. I guess it's just a slow process...the awkward wading isn't negotiable. *sigh*