Think Again Thursday: What NOT to Say to Someone Who Just Got Her Heart Broken

First of all, let me preface this by saying that many of you have been absolutely supportive and lovely in the middle of all of this. If you're worried that you said something offensive, most likely that means that you didn't because you are self-aware enough to even be thinking about it.

But, if you're wondering what are some of the most horrible, insensitive things to say to someone going through a break-up, I've made a list of the worst ones I've heard so far (some even from comments on this blog!)

  1. "At least you had someone who loved you. Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all." Sorry, it's impossible to feel thankful for anything about my relationship with SCL at this point, especially its very existence. Right now I'm feeling like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind had the right idea. 
  2. "Sometimes things in life aren't fair..realize that this guy has moved on several months before you. Pick yourself up and move on. He moved on from you." Perhaps it's getting overused but this one really deserves a big "FUCK YOU." So, basically what you're saying is get over him because he got over me? Oh, why I never thought of that. So glad you enlightened me to the fact that SCL doesn't love me anymore. 
  3. "I kinda saw this coming...knew from your blog entry that he wasn't that into you." Another unhelpful "I told you so" and using that godawful line from that stupid book. "Not that into you" is reserved for first dates and three-month undefined relationships, not partners of two years. 
  4. "The pain shows you that you are still alive." You know what else does? Me putting my fist into your face. 
  5. "[SCL]'s kinda dorky and kind of a pretty boy." Insulting SCL's actual person is really intolerable to me because first of all, I love him and second of all, he was the person I chose to be with. So, insulting him is an insult to me.
  6. "You seem to have a pretty negative view of men." Ha! Well, with a shitty father and now this shitty situation, I seem to have a pretty good reason to, don't I? 
Needless to say, any cruel or insensitive comments I receive in response to this or any post will NOT be published but might be featured in subsequent installments of "Think Again Thursday" for future mocking and cursing. So, if you're thinking about sending something insulting, I urge you to think again


  1. Oh man, I used to wish that something like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind could happen. Wouldn't that be awesome? And I'm really glad I'm not the only person that's seen that movie.

  2. Well, I hope this doesn't make your cursing and mocking list on "Think Again Thursday," but here we go...

    I went through a horrible break up in September (from your blog, the context of my breakup conversation sounds strangely similar) and a few things helped:

    1) Good friends - whether it's for crying, laughing, or burning photographs, they'll be supportive
    2) Distractions - I immersed myself in two big projects for school and kept my mind busy.
    3) Wine - but not too much because then it's an emotional slippery slope.

  3. Dude, additionally, after my ex dumped me, I banged a HOT-BODIED 20-year-old Mexican surfer on the beach in Acapulco. That really got me past the break-up blues. ;)

    (Hopefully a little humor falls in the 'helpful' category!)

  4. i see my comment there, sorry, dint mean to offend you, went through this process in January and hearing the truth helped me accept and deal with it, but i guess we aint all the same, so sorry, dint mean to cut across as insensitive...

  5. It really is any given person's reaction on any given day. I agree that your list is pretty general "think again" material.

    Katie, your comment made me lol. And then I rememberd that after my break-up, people kept saying stuff about banging other guys, jokingly, and I wanted to throat punch every one of them. The last thing I wanted to joke about was another boy.

    The last thing I wanted to think about was penis.

    Just me though! ;)


  6. OK, #4 (your response) is awesome. Perfect. :)

    It's a good thing you're moderating comments because I imagine you're getting some awful ones that do more to hinder than to help.

  7. Oh my gosh! I am so freaken behind. I have no idea what's going on, but clearly have to catch up.

    I'm sorry you're going through something so tough right now. Honestly, I don't think there are always right words.

    Breakups are painful and can really take a toll on you emotionally and physically.

    I've been through a really bad one after dating someone for three years who really didn't deserve me, but I'm only able to say that now in hindsight.

    I remember the worst part of my day was the morning because I would wake up and realize I was alive and in reality and reality was awful.

    The only think I can honestly say is that time heals all and though it's hard to believe that now, things will get better. Hold your head up high and remember the things that make you shine and make you who you are and don't let anyone take that away from you.

    Best of luck!

  8. My least favorite was:

    "I never liked him anyways.." in refrence to my ex and baby daddy.

    I just wanted to say "GEE THANKS!"

    I don't think people mean to be insensative! Maybe we are just super sensative..idk.. but It doesn't stop the urges to throat punch!

  9. Haha, no "pain is weakness leaving the body"? I always get thrown off by them when I see them on water bottles (WHAT?).

    I had a terrible break up at the end of my 3.5 year long distance relationship. I remember going through 15 minute phases of emotion, giddiness + depression + anger. I was thankful when I could finally stick to just one emotion for an hour, than 3 hours, then an entire day. It takes awhile, but eventually the out-of-control feeling goes away.

    It's so easy to be outside the situation and tell someone to get a crazy hair cut, spend some time on themselves, etc. I think people usually mean well, but they have difficulty relating because everyone is so different.

    All I can say is that time is what helped me get out of that pit of instability. Hopefully it will move quicker for you.

    ...and then get a mad crazy stylin' haircut ;)

  10. Hi! Just found your page. AWESOME. "The pain shows your still alive" is my favorite. Then why don't you go stick pins in your legs just to feel like you've lived! Yay pain!