Let's Talk about (the Lack of) Sex

The beauty of blogging anonymously is I get to be raw, open, and honest with my blog community. Up until now I haven't really talked about sexuality. I'm hugely progressive when it comes to the sexuality of other people (I used to work for a sexuality organization!), but when it comes to myself, I've still got a bit of that Southern belle/good girl complex going on. But seeing as how this is a relationship blog, it would be ridiculous for me not to talk about sex.

The last time SCL and I slept together was February 26th. I know this because apparently he wrote the date down. Even though our break-up was not for another month, things had begun to disintegrate between us weeks before that, and I didn't feel comfortable being intimate with him when I didn't feel close to him. So, not having sex when we were officially broken up wasn't too difficult. By then it had already been a month, and I was getting used to sprawling out in our queen-sized bed.

Now that we're back together again, this is something we have to address again. We both agree that we want a better sex life together, but the question is, how long do we wait before we engage each other sexually? My therapist C told me that it takes three months for a person to no longer be on his "best behavior." She asked what I thought about that. I told her three months sounded like a long-ass time, especially because we know each other so much. But it got me thinking about it--the physical intimacy shouldn't overpower the other forms of intimacy we're rebuilding, namely the emotional intimacy that is new for us.

SCL and I discussed it, and we've decided to wait a month. In the meantime, we're rediscovering the joy of long make-out sessions and enjoying the torturous longing for each other. And I'm still enjoying sprawling out in our big bed.


  1. I think you'll know when you're ready.

    And believe me, just because you're in a good relationship doesn't me your sex life is, um, well... bangin'. There are times when I am SO not in the mood. Hell, when I was in a car accident the day before my wedding it resulted in us not having sex for nearly 3 months. We got no wedding night sex. How bad is that!? I was in too much pain to even sit up, let alone anything else.

    Anyway... probably TMI. But whatevs.

  2. I think you're doing the right thing (although I'm not sure how you haven't caved yet!) But you'll know when the time is right. It might be three weeks, it might be 3 months. Just take it easy. Getting back together is a big thing and you still need to be cautious. Not that you want to hold back anything or be too overly safe, but you still need to protect yourself. Good luck Dear!!

  3. Think you're both right about this. It would be easy to cave right now, but I think keeping the physical at bay for awhile is worth it.