First, you all must immediately check out Date Me, DC!'s Halloween blog decorations.
Second, Dr. Nutrition is a goner. And a douche. Last night I had a wine-induced Facebook defriend, phone number deletion, and email erasure rampage. And it was entirely called for. Here's why.
After last week's weird email exchange over the wine tasting, I never heard from him again. Tired of the silence, I emailed him a final time on Monday. According to the two friends I showed it to, it was upbeat, even-keeled, but also addressed the lack of communication. Essentially, I gave him an out--if you're not interested, that's fine, but it'd be helpful to know.
And the guy couldn't even show me the common courtesy of responding to my fucking email. After six dates, I think this is just plain shitty. Grow some balls and say something. You're not the great love of my life, dude. I can handle it. And come on, an email is not exactly confrontational. Even with Mr. Homeland Security and Mr. Editor, I had the decency to email them that I wasn't interested. I feel like that's just the decent thing to do. Blowing someone off? That's just plain cowardly.
I feel totally duped and disappointed in him. And the best way to deal with that is just to cut off all lines of communication.
I think this really was the nail in the coffin of my short-lived dating adventures for the time being. I realized I'm just not ready to get my heart stomped on again. I hate being alone, but I hate dealing with this kind of bullshit even more.
Can I just say...I never bought that he was helping his grandmother move into an assisted living facility. Seriously, any excuse that saintly is not to be believed. I'd find it easier to believe if he'd said, "I went on a weekend-long drinking spree with my bros and dropped my phone in a toilet." I mean, it's not flattering, but it at least makes sense. Considering that his flakiness turned into outright rudeness right about this time, I'd put money on it that something else happened that weekend that didn't involve his grandmother. Anyhow, probably not what you wanted to hear (my negative opinions on old bullshit--who *does* want to hear that?), but good riddance. Ugh!ReplyDelete
Six dates and he just drops off the face of the earth?? wtf?? I normally hate to denounce people since it's often unfair, but I do think he did not handle this in a way that showed good character. YOU responded politely to people you weren't interested in. I realize confrontation is uncomfortable but honesty trumps hedonism.ReplyDelete
This stings. Ouch. I'm so sorry you have to deal with it. (I relate...)
The more and more I read stuff like this, the more and more I am convinced that people, for the most part, are fucking idiots. Or at least they are in this part of the world. (and obviously I am talking about the nutless wonder, not you)ReplyDelete
Didn't we say this several weeks ago when he went radio silent and blamed 'no battery' on his phone?ReplyDelete
RAH! The fade out is the WORST. Sorry lady! Definitely don't take it personal, although that's next to impossible. You're awesome and will be fine. Try and shake it off and have fun this weekend. Maybe we'll run into each other. Batmans/women unite!ReplyDelete
Ugh. Seriously this makes me want to find him and just kick him in the balls for you. What a complete ass.ReplyDelete
You don't need him. And when the time is right you will find someone who treats you the way you deserve.
And we all love you.
As always I'm sending you good thoughts.
ugh, i've been going through the exact same thing with people - not as dates/boyfriends/romantic interests, but just people from my past who are being assholey and blowing me off for unexplained reasons. i feel totally duped too. good for you for writing off this particular idiot.ReplyDelete
I totally know how you feel, I have let every dude I wasn't interested in either by email or phone if it wasn't going to work. I hate the lack of silence and just ignoring the situation.ReplyDelete
Men are stupid. Keep your chin up.
@Katie and guy--I think because I generally am not an asshole and do not lie, I am shocked when I meet someone who does. It just does not occur to me to think anyone is really that much of a jerk. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.ReplyDelete
@spleeness--Surely there are polite men out there, too. Yes? Please?
@The Divorced Guy--I have to agree with you. The thing is, I don't think Dr. Nutrition is a fucking idiot. I think he is a fucking douche.
@sarg--Hells yeah, can't wait to rock that costume and feel like a badass!
@Krysten--Totally would love for each of us to take one of his balls and do some real damage.
@vanessa--That sucks! What's up with people not having common courtesy to respond? There is no excuse with all the fucking forms of communication we have now!
@Capitol Hill--Men are indeed stupid. At least the ones I keep meeting.
@NonStudent - I'm a nice, honest person, too. I've been burned enough, though, that I've long since realized that goodness and honesty are rare in human beings. It's to your credit that you're among them. :)ReplyDelete
I don't recommend automatically being suspicious of people and their motives or of expecting the worst in everyone. I do believe in protecting your heart in the early stages of a relationship, though, because you really don't know anything about the character of the other person at that point. I maintain a little bit of distance until they've proven to me, repeatedly, that their worth my emotional investment.
You don't have to over-analyze everything or get freaked out over every little thing. But...recognizing patterns of behavior are important. If a guy is late to every single date, that probably just means he's the kind of guy who struggles with promptness. It might be annoying, but it's not malicious. However, if a guy who normally is on top of the cell phone thing suddenly goes incommunicado for a weekend, and then has a fishy excuse involving little old ladies? Unless he forgets to charge his cell phone often and has mentioned an established relationship with Granny already, the behavior violates his pattern. Not worth getting upset over or even having a talk about, but it is worth filing away and cooling things down until you are sufficiently convinced that a weekend away at the nursing home without a cell phone is a plausible excuse, because it's in keeping with his character/interests/habits in general.
It's like I ALWAYS SAY -- they find new and creative ways to disappoint me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ReplyDelete
i might also be having wine right now too
this week sucked. sux. sucked. suck
Ugh that is so disrespectful to ignore you like that. I hate it when guys are such cowards. If you need a break from all this for a while that's totally understandable, but don't be discouraged. Dating naturally has its ups and downs. Sometimes you'll be hurt or disappointed or sometimes you're the one (unintentionally) doing the hurting. Sometimes its really annoying, but then sometimes its a lot of fun. Most of all, sometimes it just takes time.ReplyDelete
In all fairness to Dr. N.......he was giving you the sign that he was not so interested. The late night calls had ceased, he wasn't contacting you much anymore, he didn't make a date to get together. There was a change in his behavior.ReplyDelete
Now granted, he had been a bit elusive before (which we all think was rather lame........if a guy really likes you he finds that car charger, or for gods sake, BORROWS someeone else's phone to keep in touch), but then you had a great date, spent the night at his house, and he sort of gave you the "green light" to "feel safe".
Now when i read that, I knew exactly what you meant. You were asking him if it was safe to let your heart go, to think you had something special. And he did not really answer you....he just said to stop judging yourself. That in itself is not a declaration of his feelings, it is avoiding the question.
so even then there was hedging. Now he's allowed to hedge, because it was still early. But I ablsolutely agree it was douchebaggery to fade off and not even answer your email! NOTHING is worse than being put on ignore (I feel), especially when you think (and he knew you were thinking this) that he was special, and that he cared about you.
I am just glad that you did manage to keep some distance and not get fully taken in. I do not respect the man and he is a coward for not coming clean, not saying anything! And yes, he owed you at the very least....an email.
Who knows what happened, if his feelings changed, or if he just decided you were not the one. But he never really declared anything, and his behavior clearly told me that he was hedging and unsure of how he felt and what he wanted.
He is not a man who can be open and honest, or deal with emotion. so I say good riddance, because he was not for you.
sorry it happened, but am glad you did not really fall for this guy.
There is no instant relationship....it takes time and effort, and reading between the lines. I totally understand why it is so easy to go back to SCL.....because you have the comfort and history with him that makes it easy. But that is not what you need now, so be careful with how much you lean on him, and how much you see him.
Dr. Nutrition is lame... kudos to you for standing up for yourself and drawing a line. You frequently write about how you need to take better care of yourself and develop more self-esteem. Dating does suck and you have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding one who is not a douche but I hope you give yourself credit for drawing a line with Dr. Nutrition. You deserve to be treated better!ReplyDelete
The one I went out with last night - ordered from the kids menu -- FTWReplyDelete
eh I just wrote a post about this too how guys go AWOL... I have had so many friends tell me about guys in their life just disappearing and had it happen to me too this past week... is it something in the water? seriously what is going on? and six dates... that's ridiculous. inexcusable. good for you for deleting him- get that dbag out of your life!!ReplyDelete
It never ceases to amaze me how incredibly thoughtless, heartless and cowardly people can be. Sorry that happened to you, but good you found it out now. Good riddance, slime bag.ReplyDelete
I'm sorry you're feeling down, thanks to Dr. N being such a coward. :( I hope you get back in the saddle when you are ready. I promise there are nice guys out there! I actually think they're harder to find in the DC area, but they do exist. I found mine in a Starbucks downtown and he's as sweet and polite as they come. You'll find yours, and then you'll look back on sad shit like this and just laugh at Dr. Nothing!ReplyDelete
Girl, I am so sorry. Like I've said before, I had these high hopes for Dr. N. Sigh. He definitely has some serious issues and you are WAY better off without him.ReplyDelete
If I may be so bold, I'm happy to see you're taking some time off the dating scene. I think that's a really good idea to just cherish the world around you for a while, without dating around.
I'm a girl who isn't afraid of being alone and the dating scene scares me more than the thought of being alone for the rest of my life, ha! So there's that. ;)
I am sorry to to hear this. To hell with him.ReplyDelete