In Session: Week 12ish? in Therapy

Honestly, I've lost track of which therapy session today was. I must be getting into the teens, but it doesn't really matter. Here are some take aways.

What I Need:

  • Kindness and gentleness to myself, to treat myself like I would a hurting friend
  • Company of friends
  • Maybe to get away from DC for a bit (a real break, not a work trip, family trip, etc.)
  • Social time, as difficult as it is to motivate myself
  • Maybe a Vitamin B complex supplement 
What I Don't Need:
  • Stress about Dr. Nutrition or any boy
  • Stress about why I am the way that I am
  • Over fixation on self-improvement
  • Self-flagellation
Things That Do Help:
  • Exercise
  • Massage
  • Getting good sleep
  • Reading 
  • Spending time with people
Things That Do Not Help:
  • Online dating sites
  • Texting
  • Technology in general
  • Trying to fix myself
  • Shopping
Basically, my impulse is to ask the "why" questions. It's my way of coping with chaos and disconnection. And while I could just suck it up and get through this time, it might not be the way I want to do it. It's not the way I'd treat a friend, screaming at her for not being able to get it together after she'd been through hell. So, I guess I'll try this gentle, encouraging thing and see what happens.


  1. "Maybe to get away from DC for a bit "

    Um, weren't you just away for like a month?

  2. One thing that helps me if there is someone I am tempted to text when I shouldn't is to totally erase their number from my phone. If I need to be afraid that by my texting them I'm going to somehow look bad or it would be unwelcome, then I have no business even having their number in my phone, because they have no place in my life.

    I've already said my piece on the online dating thing. Personally, and honestly, I think they're stupid. People have been meeting, falling in love and marrying for years and years without them, so why are they even necessary in life, you know? That's just my own deal, judgements for others that do use them.

    And, yep, shopping is pretty much a waste of time when I feel bad, too. You just buy things you don't need and spend money you don't need to be spending. Especially in this economy.

    One other thing I would add to my list is boozing it up. Alcohol is a depressant, contrary to what many people seem to think, and does not make one truly feel better. Just hungover and still sad.

  3. I don't think online dating sites in and of themselves are bad. Ditto on texting. ;) I think the problem comes when they feed into your neuroses and enable bad habits.

    Good luck with disconnecting from the man train for a while.

  4. Well if you need to get away you could always come HEEEEEEEERE! Just sayin'.

    I like all of these things and pretty much agree. Just have a good time being you and enjoying life. Other things will fall into place.

  5. Yes, people have gotten along fine without online dating for years, but guess what -- they got along fine without cell phones for years, too.

    Want to get rid of your cell phone, lifelessons? Doubt it.

    As technology advances, it allows our lives to get a little easier, and that's all that online dating is -- an easier way to sift through people to find the person you want. Sure, it's less organic than meeting someone at work or school, but why limit your options?

    To the dancer herself -- This post really resonated with me, as my Twitter feed yesterday showed. Looking forward to hanging out tonight.

  6. I think I really needed to read this. Sometimes I feel like I'm over my ex and ready to move on, but there are still moments of doubt and weakness. Too often I respond by yelling at myself and trying to drag myself into a happier state of mind. Maybe it's supposed to be hard and take time. Thanks for a great honest post =)


  7. @gordon--Traveling for work is not really a break from life.

    @lifelessons--I'm with Date Me DC on this one. There are a lot of things that people lived without for centuries that I consider a necessity. Like indoor plumbing. And you are being judgmental. Don't pretend like you aren't.

    @Krysten--If you didn't live in the middle of the Arctic, I'd consider it!

    @Date Me, DC!--YES. Can't wait either.

    @Delilah--Glad it was helpful. I think we kick our own asses too much. Time to cut ourselves some slack for feeling what we feel and try not to adhere to made-up timelines about when we're supposed to be over something. Grief just doesn't work that way.

  8. I love your blog by the way. Yeah after any bad date, I delete them from phone -- that way if I feel the need to call them a douchebag, I don't and I am a better person for it.

    I hate online dating -- I am on strike till after the first of the year and I might try speed dating for giggles.

  9. Your list of what was helpful vs. not was extremely apropos. I need to stop self-flagellation too and obsessing about WHY I suck. And be a better friend to myself too. ::hugs:: we're all struggling here.

  10. What happened to Dr.N?!?

  11. Traveling to Florida, I hear, is a GREAT break from reality. We still have beach weather!!!

    :) I hope you're doing OK. Trying to catch up.

  12. Wait, shopping is on the bad list?? ;)

    FWIW, you said that online dating sites and technology in general were things that do not help, so maybe go easy on lifelessons? I didn't think her comment read as judgmental and she might have just been trying to identify with your list.

    I really like this post though. And I think there's a quote in Pretty Woman for most situations in life. "Take care of you." Hope you start feeling better soon. :)

  13. As Sassy above me said: I hope you start feeling better soon, too. Sometimes it's nice to step away for awhile, to reconnect with the world outside of text/cyberspace. You're on the right path and you're making decisions that benefit your mind, body, and soul. It's the best place to be and I see good things ahead for you.

    And you're absolutely right: we are always so hard on ourselves. I hope you realize (and soon!) how awesome you are and how deserving you are of great things :)

  14. A post on what went down with Dr. Nutrition is coming, folks. But, to sum it up, he sucks.