When SCL and I went to therapy that one time, we talked about our expectations in terms of time together, though not too specifically. I think we said something along the lines of seeing each other a couple times a week, which sounded reasonable at the time. But to go from living together to seeing each other twice a week would be quite the adjustment.
I can’t really say that we have a pattern yet since it’s been less than 3 weeks since SCL moved, and a week and a half of that time I was out of town. But so far this week we’ve seen each other every day for a few hours, except for yesterday. With SCL presenting a paper at a conference and my own occupation with a grant proposal and a schmoozy networking dinner, the day went by without even a phone call.
And you know, it was fine. I didn’t even think about it until I sat down to write this post. What I don’t know is if I’m prepared for how many of our days will be like yesterday. When we were still in New Haven, we had dinner together nearly every evening. So to think about having days go by with no interaction is challenging because we’ve never really done it before. I’m uncertain as to what that will mean for us growing together as a couple. Is the amount of time important?
I think in a lot of ways the cultural focus on “quality time” is kind of a crock of shit, even though I find myself playing into it. I think to myself yeah, we won’t have as much time together, but the time together we will have will be more intentional and therefore more meaningful. So far I can’t say that’s been true. It’s just that we now have a fragment of the normal time we’d spend together, usually making dinner, catching up about the day, and watching Jeopardy. And then we part ways.
Maybe this backing off and slowing down is what we need for now, but I can’t help but think that over time this will contribute to a stagnation in our growth as a couple. Of course it’s too soon to make judgments about that, but it is something I’m thinking about and wondering about. And having quantity is just as important as quality to me.