Our Baby

No, I'm not pregnant. We're not getting a dog either. I'm talking about our new relationship that is now just about a week old.

I've been thinking a lot about what C said in my last session about creating a space in which there are only the two of us. I spent a lot of time this weekend reading The Good Marriage and thinking about how a relationship needs to be nurtured and protected. It's a seriously brutal world out there for people just trying to make it as a couple. With all of the distorted images of what love is, it's challenging to unearth the truth about it and continually resist those ingrained cultural pressures to have a relationship look a certain way.

SCL hasn't told anyone about our getting back together. In the past I think this would have annoyed the hell out of me, but he said, "I want to wait until we've been back together for a little while. I don't want to feel like I have to defend our relationship to anyone." SCL is generally a more private person, so I think it's easier for him to keep things to himself. I've begun telling a few of my friends just because I need to process it, but likewise I'm quite cautious about whom I tell. I'm also not willing to be in a position in which I feel I have to defend my decision to give him a second chance.

Right now we both need to nurture and protect this baby of ours, this new infant relationship. We need to give it lots of care, reassure it, calm it when anxiety runs high.

When I got back from the airport, I was completely frazzled, not just from the exhaustion of traveling, but also from a turbulent flight in which I was seated next to a frightened passenger whom I reassured and then a very delayed, very crowded Metro ride back. I was feeling irritable and cranky until I walked in the door and there were beautiful flowers waiting there for me.

Sweet reassurance.

10 comments:

  1. Also, v glad to be returning "How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days" to the library today!

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  2. Very cute (the flowers I mean)

    Based on my own expirence with getting back together with someone, I have to say on this I kinda agree with SCL about keeping things private. Because, you will have to defend your realtionship and why deal with that when also dealing with working through things with each other?

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  3. I agree with Cee - I remember getting back with my ex and my friends all freaking out about it. That made the entire situation worse, made me paranoid and contributed to us breaking up. Again.

    I think you're on the right track with being careful who you tell until things are stronger with you two.

    But it sounds like he's on the right track with the flowers ;-)

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  4. Thanks for the encouragement! We are taking things slowly, but he seems to be really committed to this new way of looking at our relationship. I'm doing my best to maintain balance and keep caring for myself. It will be a journey, but one that I'm looking forward to.

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  5. I am happy to hear you are in a positive state of mind. I am linking back to this post, because it is an honest and real life reflection on love and relationships.

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  6. For some reason, your blog got erased from my GReader and wow, things have changed with you!! I'm very excited for you and I think SCL has taken a good approach to your new relationship. Having other people tell you their opinions is just going to add unneeded drama into your relationship. I think for now, just focusing on the two of you and cultivating your relationship is the best for now. Take things slow. :)

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  7. Oh this SCL he is really doing all the right things! Its driving me craaazy lol Why couldnt he have done this before! Anyway I am so happy he is doing it now because you deserve the best =D and I agree keep it private you dont need others chiming in with negativity, this is your decision =D

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  8. I really want to read that book now! I am very happy for you!

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  9. That's so sweet. Our couples therapist calls our relationship 'the third.' She refers to it as a completely separate entity (much like a baby) that needs its own nourishment and love. I think it is great you are reading that book and figuring out what you want. You are very strong and I applaud you for that.

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  10. Thanks, everyone. We are taking things slowly, but I'm encouraged so far by the changes I've seen in SCL. Only time will tell...

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